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23 year old female scorpion. simple-minded gal who tends to make things reali complicated. i'm fairly organized [at tyms!!] & has beknowned to be a PERFECTIONIST. fav colors are apple green,red,orange & black. proud owner of apple green hyundai getz. appreciates nothing but e truth. known to be goddamn stubborn.

license class 2b. to do a degree in english. more lots money!! lose weight!!! modify my green baby.




smacked.

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29 April, 2006
frozentears:bottled for too long



to be honest.im sick of evrtyhing.im done wif school now.n i dunno wat i wanna do.im lost.lyk a sheep.waitin to be slaughtered.uh-uh.i tink their fate's better.at least their fate's been decided.me?insulted.shame.always sumone else's better.especially her.who?my younger sister.yeah.yeah.she's living it.having it all.here i am chasing my dream.going after sumthin i noe ma parents wuld be proud of.slogging ma brains.endless nites without sleep.lost control of ma lyf.lost control of ma brains.did they bother?i wish.oh.how i wished.appreciated?nah.all they know is that im using their money for ma education.slowly diminishing every single cent they had.think i wanna?uh-uh.but it's their 'face' i care for.so that they have at least 1 kid left to be proud of.hurh.im so dead wrong.im the victim.i gave in to every command.every word.bullshit.
if i had a chance.i wuld live ma sister's life.no education.rich boyfriend.condo apartment.living everyday like a tai-tai.money is nothin.left the house.living life millions of us are slogging out for.
and we're being compared.she's daring.she's vibrant.she's smart.juz lazy.she's hardworking.yeah.yeah.n she's also the one who packed up and left.watevea mum.dad.say wateva u wana.wen you're old.dun come looking for me becoz she dun wan u.come wen u learn to apreciate dis idiot kid of urs.yeah.me.
so who's to blame?
juz maself.
it's not dat i didnt try.i did.people looked down on me.but i didnt gif up.i went for it.i dived for it.onli people didnt see.dey think im useless.and noe wat?im beginning to think dat way too.
evrythin i aimed for,want for.i aint gettin it.all i get is the exact opposite.
frenz.
i thot i had dem all.dead wrong.not even one culd b trusted.u never noe who dat person mite be.ma bestfren is bz wif her life.her boyfren.her sch.she aint got time to hang ard me.she's tired enuf from school and work.we aint even from the same crowd.but she's der to lend me a listening ear.and for dat i'm grateful enuf.
parents.family.
shuld i even bother to start dis all over again?i tink not.juz for the benefit of the doubt:we're not even considered a whole family.broken.
people who dun noe me.
yeah.yeah.im plastic.im a bitch.im a minah.wateva.u dun even noe me.so who are u to judge?dun b a coward & kip on whisperin behind ma back.got e guts?say it to ma face.if not.u're not even worth for me to noe.