license class 2b.
to do a degree in english.
more lots money!!
lose weight!!!
modify my green baby.
be my fren.
multiply me.nadia b. nadia. wanie. nina. ain. queenbee. zee exclusive. belo chix. xiaxue the blogger. the critic. ijat snake.
2006.04
2006.05
2006.06
2006.07
2006.08
2006.09
2006.10
2006.11
2006.12
2007.01
2007.02
2007.03
2007.04
2007.05
2007.06
2007.07
2007.08
2007.09
2007.10
2007.12
2008.01
2008.10
2008.12
2009.02
smacked.
21 August, 2006
as promised. tym i faced up to reality.
last monday. everything spilled out. y dd has been playing e MIA game wif me for e past 2-3 mths. he had sumone else. as in a new gal. we met last monday. i msgd his fone saying i wana come over n get ma stuff. e gal answered me. she said we shuld mit up n settle dis once n for all. yelah, aku nie kan yang nak rampas dd dari dia. niwaes. i went. and every single bit pieced up. he went missing on me on our anniversary.
remember e day we were supposed to go MOS? yar. dats e one. turns out he had been wif dis gal since may. she's been taking care of him after e accident and such. he said dat we were nothing. dey were planning to get married and stuff. which is kinda bullshit coz no one noes anything. i mean. our family lah. he himself still didnt declare to his mum dat he wana split so im kinda stagnant here coz technically we're still engaged.
wat makes me so mad is e fact dat i lose out to dis gal bcoz of money. yep. she had no looks, shorter than me, looks older than me, darker than me and of coz uglier than me. from wat i heard from abg ijan is dat she's got mola.
wat i dun get is. if he's oreadi decided a future wif her, why bother trying to patch things up wif me? y lead e both of us on? even e day before e mit up he msgd me saying he loves me n stuff. but infront of dis gal he became a coward and denied everything.
i noe, as ure reading dis, ure tinking dat i shuld juz leave dis jerk. e fact was e past weeks. ive been trying to patch things up wif him. tried to take back wateva i said bout splitting. but he couldnt make up his mind. den e gal said she juz had an abortion which apparently is dd's kid. n she's so proud of e fact dat she could gif dd a kid whereas i cant. which gets me tinking dat not one of his ex-galfrens ever got pregnant. so why dis bitch could is a farking miracle. silap2 bukan anak dd pon but u noe she reali got him under her. wich is stupid. he's lyk reali scared of her. u could juz see it. he even made me declare dat we have nothing to do wif each other animore. all i felt was numbness dat i never felt before. i couldnt cry. or laugh. or scream. i juz said yar. we're nothing. which is kinda stupid coz at dat moment it was ma right to claim he was mine since we've not officially broken off.
so den. i told his mum e whole story and she said as long as dd doesnt come over n tell her it's over, im still part of e family. n wen she confronted him bout her he said shes nothin to him n between me n him is settled. so his mum says as long as she doesnt go over nothing is settled. u get it? even ma mum says e same ting. so. if we could figure dis out. wat i get is dat. everyone now wun help him if he wun help himself. to everyone he's still sumone's fiancee. n if he were to get married to her while still tying e knot wif me, my side could demand amounts from his side for causing dis misery. n of coz. another reason is dat his side also dun wana lose me. everyone is guessing dat dis is juz a phase dat he's going thru n dat i shuld juz wait n see. n im still waiting.
im waiting if he has e balls to go over to his mum's plc n declare dat we're over. im waiting to see if he's go e balls to go ahead n get married without saying e last words about us. becoz e one who's making life difficult is himself. people are starting to see him wif her. n no on is blaming me. even thou i was e one who asked for e break up, without knowing he was cheating on me. n now. people noes. n dey see him as e bad guy. n if he reali ask for a break up. dey will onli hate him even more. although dats e hardest part on me. emotionally. coz even thou i reali wanted to break up a dat pt of time, i'd be lying if i said dat i dun haf animore feelings for him.
yes. im hurt. im disappointed. n im happy dat i dun haf to suffer under his terrible thrashings animore. but dis feelings are nothing to e love dat we once shared. e love dat we built n held onto even though der were many who were against. n even till now as im writing dis. i still love him. im depressed. even worse den wen he had gone missing. i cry. den laughs hysterically the next moment. den zone out at some moment of tym. i dunno. im numb.
and thou i wished n hoped dat we would eventually get back together, deep,deep down inside i noe dat we wuldnt. dunno if its a sign or wat but every nite i dreamt of us being further n further apart. i dreamt dat he's gone. left me. n everynite i woke up in cold sweat. crying. its not easy to let go. e old wounds aint yet healing but new ones are forming. n i noe dis wounds wun heal anytym soon. even if dey do der wuld be scars. reminding me of hurt n pain n sacrifices i did for a thing called love.
from dis i learnt dat its better to be wif sumone who loves u den b wif e one u love. coz u never noe if dat sumone u love is loving u e same way u are loving him. truth hurts. but so does lying.
and in dis phase dat im going thru, irul is behind me. he's der to hold me wen i cry. he's der making me laugh. n he's der trying to get into my hart. he said he loved me. n i refused to believe dat its true. im too afraid to believe n trust into love again.
dis kish for u babe..thanx so much.
extending ma thanx to nana. for being der fro me most of e tym wen i cried. n to pallat too for 'melayankan' aku bebual mepek. to abg ijan n wifey kak linda. for being ma clubbing partners for e past week. n lastly to irul. for being der wen i needed sumone to hold. sumone for comfort. n sumone to make me laugh. thanx babe. i nid to learn to let go of e past. but for now. im wallowing in depression hoping answers wuld come to light soon. he may haf hurt me now. but god is fair. n one day He'll hurt him back.
dis has been an experience for me. no doubt a bad one. being 20 is not an age to remember coz he asked me to be e onli one on ma bday but he oso left me before I could bask in a full year.
n as part of dis phase dat im going thru, i made dis blogskin dedicated to wat im filing rite now. yesh. ma tears are frozen. n is permanently going to decorate ma face.
n as promised. here are pix of ma nursery kids.
dis is brendan. relai cute n cheeky boy who's all about monsters n dinosaurs.
dis is zechary. refuses to do his art till last wk i cm up wif sumthing else to interest e kids. hekz.
last monday. everything spilled out. y dd has been playing e MIA game wif me for e past 2-3 mths. he had sumone else. as in a new gal. we met last monday. i msgd his fone saying i wana come over n get ma stuff. e gal answered me. she said we shuld mit up n settle dis once n for all. yelah, aku nie kan yang nak rampas dd dari dia. niwaes. i went. and every single bit pieced up. he went missing on me on our anniversary.
remember e day we were supposed to go MOS? yar. dats e one. turns out he had been wif dis gal since may. she's been taking care of him after e accident and such. he said dat we were nothing. dey were planning to get married and stuff. which is kinda bullshit coz no one noes anything. i mean. our family lah. he himself still didnt declare to his mum dat he wana split so im kinda stagnant here coz technically we're still engaged.
wat makes me so mad is e fact dat i lose out to dis gal bcoz of money. yep. she had no looks, shorter than me, looks older than me, darker than me and of coz uglier than me. from wat i heard from abg ijan is dat she's got mola.
wat i dun get is. if he's oreadi decided a future wif her, why bother trying to patch things up wif me? y lead e both of us on? even e day before e mit up he msgd me saying he loves me n stuff. but infront of dis gal he became a coward and denied everything.
i noe, as ure reading dis, ure tinking dat i shuld juz leave dis jerk. e fact was e past weeks. ive been trying to patch things up wif him. tried to take back wateva i said bout splitting. but he couldnt make up his mind. den e gal said she juz had an abortion which apparently is dd's kid. n she's so proud of e fact dat she could gif dd a kid whereas i cant. which gets me tinking dat not one of his ex-galfrens ever got pregnant. so why dis bitch could is a farking miracle. silap2 bukan anak dd pon but u noe she reali got him under her. wich is stupid. he's lyk reali scared of her. u could juz see it. he even made me declare dat we have nothing to do wif each other animore. all i felt was numbness dat i never felt before. i couldnt cry. or laugh. or scream. i juz said yar. we're nothing. which is kinda stupid coz at dat moment it was ma right to claim he was mine since we've not officially broken off.
so den. i told his mum e whole story and she said as long as dd doesnt come over n tell her it's over, im still part of e family. n wen she confronted him bout her he said shes nothin to him n between me n him is settled. so his mum says as long as she doesnt go over nothing is settled. u get it? even ma mum says e same ting. so. if we could figure dis out. wat i get is dat. everyone now wun help him if he wun help himself. to everyone he's still sumone's fiancee. n if he were to get married to her while still tying e knot wif me, my side could demand amounts from his side for causing dis misery. n of coz. another reason is dat his side also dun wana lose me. everyone is guessing dat dis is juz a phase dat he's going thru n dat i shuld juz wait n see. n im still waiting.
im waiting if he has e balls to go over to his mum's plc n declare dat we're over. im waiting to see if he's go e balls to go ahead n get married without saying e last words about us. becoz e one who's making life difficult is himself. people are starting to see him wif her. n no on is blaming me. even thou i was e one who asked for e break up, without knowing he was cheating on me. n now. people noes. n dey see him as e bad guy. n if he reali ask for a break up. dey will onli hate him even more. although dats e hardest part on me. emotionally. coz even thou i reali wanted to break up a dat pt of time, i'd be lying if i said dat i dun haf animore feelings for him.
yes. im hurt. im disappointed. n im happy dat i dun haf to suffer under his terrible thrashings animore. but dis feelings are nothing to e love dat we once shared. e love dat we built n held onto even though der were many who were against. n even till now as im writing dis. i still love him. im depressed. even worse den wen he had gone missing. i cry. den laughs hysterically the next moment. den zone out at some moment of tym. i dunno. im numb.
and thou i wished n hoped dat we would eventually get back together, deep,deep down inside i noe dat we wuldnt. dunno if its a sign or wat but every nite i dreamt of us being further n further apart. i dreamt dat he's gone. left me. n everynite i woke up in cold sweat. crying. its not easy to let go. e old wounds aint yet healing but new ones are forming. n i noe dis wounds wun heal anytym soon. even if dey do der wuld be scars. reminding me of hurt n pain n sacrifices i did for a thing called love.
from dis i learnt dat its better to be wif sumone who loves u den b wif e one u love. coz u never noe if dat sumone u love is loving u e same way u are loving him. truth hurts. but so does lying.
and in dis phase dat im going thru, irul is behind me. he's der to hold me wen i cry. he's der making me laugh. n he's der trying to get into my hart. he said he loved me. n i refused to believe dat its true. im too afraid to believe n trust into love again.
dis kish for u babe..thanx so much.
extending ma thanx to nana. for being der fro me most of e tym wen i cried. n to pallat too for 'melayankan' aku bebual mepek. to abg ijan n wifey kak linda. for being ma clubbing partners for e past week. n lastly to irul. for being der wen i needed sumone to hold. sumone for comfort. n sumone to make me laugh. thanx babe. i nid to learn to let go of e past. but for now. im wallowing in depression hoping answers wuld come to light soon. he may haf hurt me now. but god is fair. n one day He'll hurt him back.
dis has been an experience for me. no doubt a bad one. being 20 is not an age to remember coz he asked me to be e onli one on ma bday but he oso left me before I could bask in a full year.
n as part of dis phase dat im going thru, i made dis blogskin dedicated to wat im filing rite now. yesh. ma tears are frozen. n is permanently going to decorate ma face.
n as promised. here are pix of ma nursery kids.
dis is brendan. relai cute n cheeky boy who's all about monsters n dinosaurs.
dis is zechary. refuses to do his art till last wk i cm up wif sumthing else to interest e kids. hekz.
n dis is ryan who has a defeciancy on his left side. but still cute all e same.
n dis is sydney n chloe.
many others werent here so i didnt get their pix. but will do soon.
n wif all dat im going thru rite now, i aint surprised wen i stole ma asst mummy's hp. yar. stupidity kinda took over. last sat at werk. was so upset wif life. was so drunk by drinking a hell too much. found hp in a room. took it. den consciense bugging me. telling me to gif it back. n before i could, dey oreadi found it. so yar. im officially called a thief now. as matthew says, 'once a thief, always a thief.' duno wat e hell is wrong wif me. but. thou was forgiven. duno how i can ever go back der. according to kak mimi everyone der seems to haf a problem wif me. according to amy is dat dey are juz jealous dat im daring enuf to do things dat dey cant. well. werking in dis line aint ez if everyone is jealous of anyone else. coz everyone is chasing after e same thing: money. dis is a job. nothing to be ashamed of. even being a toilet attendant is nothing to be ashamed of coz its a job. but if u ever try make it personal, a job aint juz a job nimore.
i was given a chance to come back but if u guys were me, would you? id rather go find another job much, much nearer. maybe going back to fortis or findin another plc elsewer. lyk dey said, wif ma body n looks, it wun b hard for me to get another job. i noe rite. nid u people tell me?!? haha.