always.

30 July, 2006

Just answer the questions below with a yes/no/maybe/anything you want..(:

A r e Y o u . . ?
*Sensitive
-sumtyms.

*Easily hurt
-in matters of e hartx.yes.physically.nah.u nid to reali box me hard before u can actuali see e bruises.

*Calm
-at times.

*Quiet
-hhmm.maybe to dose whom i juz got to noe.but den again.not i gez.

*Choosy
-depends on wat e situation is lyk.

*Active
-in certain areas.*winkx*

*Very shy
-me?shy?we dunch go together.

*Confident in yourself
-sumtyms.

*Brand-conscious
-no.im not dumb.

*A good listener
-i hope so.

*Easily bored
-yesh.im hyper-active.

*Outgoing
-at tyms.depends.

*Open-minded
-wen i fil e nid to.

*An only child
-no.but filing lyk one.

*Happy at the moment
-yesh.becoz of irul.

*Tired
-no.

*Playing any online games
-im not nana who's crazy bout online games.

*Good at chess
-never was.never will.

D O Y O U . . ?
*Believe in ''love at firstsight''
-maybe crush lah.

*Have someone you really care about
-yesh.irul.

*Believe in love
-still trying to.

*Ever cheated on a test
-who hasnt?!?!

*Play the guitar
-learnt halfway.den got lazy.

*Play the piano
-more lyk e organ.but yeah.piano is kinda e same.

*Play the drums
-nah..

*Like your life
-no.

*Like school
-yesh.wish i was back in school.

*Like dancing
-live for it.

*Like sweets
-wat kinda swits?

*Like travelling
-depends wif WHO

*Own an xbox/ps2
-wishing i did.

*Like SpongebobSsquarepants
-used to.but now he's kinda irritating.

*Read Harry Potter
-gosh.no.

*Read a lot
-wenever i got e tym.

*Play basketball
-used to during p.e.

*Play badminton
-used to.during p.e.

*Play tennis
-not repeatin ma self.

*Play bowling
-no.im dumb at it.

*Swim
-lurve it.

*Ice-skate
-nope.

*Watch disney channel
-yesh.n im proud of it.

*Love movies
-depends wat genre.

*Like Oreo
-yep.without e cream.eaten wif vanilla ice-cream.yum-yum!

*Like chips
-depends.

*Do the housework
-more lyk forced to.

*Love your friends alot
-depends who dey are.

*Get more than 5 piercings
-been der done dat.

*Curse a friend
-duh.

*Hug a stranger
-part of e job scope.

*Sneak out at night alone
-yep.

*Further your studies overseas
-yesh.going soon.

*Try summoning a ghost for fun
-heck no.i cant even watch dem on tv.

*Try alcohol
-try?more like ma everyday job scope.

*Love someone whole heartedly
-did.got hurt.now trying to mend but got maself into another trap.

*Smoke
-yesh.

*Hugged someone
-last person i hugged was irul.after sending him home.

*Looked someone in the eye
-dats wat makes me fall in luf.

*Did stupid things that finally made you real embarrassed after
-cant tink of one at e mo.

*Said sorry to someone
-lyk duh.

*Thank someone
-how stooooopid can u get.

*Loved someone who hurt you badly
-yesh.n now afraid of luf.

e start of yesterday morning totally sux.dd msgd me saying he noes bout me n irul.sumting lyk he saw us or sumone saw us or sumting lyk dat.den i was confronted by his sis,zura.apparently e display pix of me n irul created sum commotion amongst all dis people.zura was lyk accusing me of being wif sumone else.all i said was dat say "wat u wana say bout me coz i reali dunch care animore."

dd was lyk telling me dat most of e attitude couples are breaking up or had oreadi broken up.n now attitude is becoming more fanatic.looking for people to beat up.i hope dey get caught for rioting.den dey wuld noe dat no matter how good dey are,der's always sumone better.

den dd n i were supposed to mit in e pm but he started his blardy attitude even before we went out.so yar.dats it.he made e decision to go for overseas training for a year plus or sumting.never change.still doing e one man show.wateva didi faizal.im sick of living lyk dis.its better we go our own way.now he still refuses to send his side over.saying i shuld be e one comin over since i oreadi made another choice.good.now its ma fault asking for e break up.

thank god irul is ok wif all dis kinda shit.i mean as in he's willing to wait till everything's settled.im still scared of fully going into another relationship.but e way he made me fil is juz so heavenly.n thou im afraid.ma heart's kinda taking charge of me.it's not fair to him or anybody else.it's not their fault dat i crossed such path.but still.juz hope dat God wuld guide us thru.

e parent unit haf left me alone at home for malacca.n im dead bored.ma baybie boy is not awake yet.so apparently i reali haf nothing to do.i still haf to go to werk coz i farking left ma make up bag der.idiotic of me.i noe.

28 July, 2006

dunch noe why & dunch noe how.but ma mouth is being invaded by huge ugly ulcers.n even tho it hurts lyk crazy.e tummy n mouth wun co-operate.imagine e pain i haf to endure.haix.

yesterday nite was a slow one at kevin's.so went down to fortissimo coz i had rooms der.since i onli did sittings so earned enuf to go home.sheesh.lame.biz is slow nowadays.maybe coz of e hungry ghost festival thingy going on.blardy stoopid mth.dis happens every year.'cept dis year we had e worldcup.den dis.lay off man.i've bills to pay.hell-o.

remember i said i wun change for another guy again?gez wat?
yarr.e new fella makin me promise i'd stop ma nitelife soon.wich part of ' i wun change for another guy' didnt he understand?i mean seriously.i juz went thru a traumatic experience.hel-lo!but yeah.u noe.wateva.we'll c how far dis will go.yesterday he said sumthin i once said to me didi."i luf u more den u luf me."*aaaawwwww* aint he swit?juz hope he means it.he'll be startin his job soon.on mon morning actuali.so dis weekend wuld b e last for us to chill out together at nights.wuld b fine for me.i think.as long as he aint cheating on me.

we had dreams of sharing a house together.burrtt.he's got responsibilities at home.i cant take his money for his family away.dat wuld b so selfish of me.*sigh*we'll talk bout dat wen e tym comes.for now.juz gona concentrate on makin money.pay off all e blardy debts i owe.

its not ez to start dat all over again wif another.n besides.nothin wuld ever be e same again.im in delimma.

25 July, 2006

unless ure blind.well.yeah.redid e blogskin.credits to MASELF.(serious!) hehe.lurve e pix.thou i fil dat e theme is all wrong.

niwaes.tym of e mth comin again.so.yar.im pigging out.doesnt help dat i drink everynite.makes me hungry everynite.uuurrrgghh.putting on e kilos by e minutes.

nothin much is reali goin on in my life rite now.'cept dat me n him not yet OFFICIALLY over.coz he refuses to come over.god help me out here.before i go over n kill him.so den.e parent unit are lyk, "u're still not over yet!!!dun make trouble can?!?!"
irritating.last nite.both screaming & screaming at me.so cant declare bout e new boifren yet.halamak.stress sakk.finally took matters in ma own hands but now still nid their help.fark.wen is dis gona end?new boifren.new problems.lurves to play missing in action.another fark.escaped 1 idiot.comes along a carbon copy.
fark.fark.fark.

den ma job as an art educator.
more fark.paying me by e hour.but onli 2 hrs per week.how to earn u tell me?fed up man.even nite job earnings not enuf.juz enuf for e day.den left wif nothing.
fark.fark.fark.fark.

at tyms lyk dis.den u can see who's der by u n who's not. in ma case.none.lyk yesterday my pri schmate.called me up.wanted to borrow 70 bux.yarlah.want money den call.if not.even if she died i wuldnt noe.not dat i dun wana lend her.i dun even haf 50 to ma name now.ma gurlfren borrowed 30 from me.yet to pay.wen i told her i got none.den she stop sms ing me.
fark.fark.fark.fark.

everythin is so tite.n i still got ma pride to uphold.dun wana ask e parent unit money.still owe dem money for ma previous hp bills.transport money.n dat day job is not paying me well.
fark.fark.fark.fark.fark.

haix.still owing starhub money.
fark.fark.fark.fark.fark.fark.
how do 1 lives ard here????
i need a new job.

21 July, 2006

woah.

been missing dis feelin for a long tym.

e feelin of bein loved.

everynite after werk we'll mit sumwer.

n as usual i'd be drunk.

n we'd fight.

but bein e swit guy he is

he wuld always kiss n make up.

god i luf it.

i luf e feelin of bein loved.

e question now is how long?

how long wuld dis feelin last?

if i had e money.

i'd rent a house for us to live in.

juz lyk sis n yus.

dat wuld be heaven.

it may be onli for a short period of tym.

but he mite also be e one.

wateva it is.

i took e risk.

n im stayin put til e end.

e break up mite be a blessin in disguise.

but everythin is still too early to say.

while im enjoyin e feelin of bein loved

e ex thou kips msgin me.

yesterday nite's msgs goes sumthin lyk

..."i cant sleep...kip thinkin of u...

hope dis is juz temporary...realized how much i loved u..."

blah.blah.blah.

yelah.skrg baru nk sedar kaper.

da lambat lah.

to be honest.

yesterday i talked to one of ma guest bout dis.

bout gettin engaged n lettin go.

n i cried.

not e howlin-nak-mampos type.

juz silent tears.

n i realized dat moment was e onli tym i let out aloud.

my true feelings bout e whole thin.

n im farkin upset.

n i muz admit im selfish.

coz thou ive got irul now.

im afraid he'll leave me.

n thou i left didi.

im afraid he'd find sumone new.

yesh.im selfish.

treatin both as standbys.

but life decided to treat me dis way.

n im back to square one all over again before i met didi.

nites without comin home.

gettin drunk everyday.

clubbin.

i noe irul is fine wif it.

coz he said he wun force me to change.

n i told him even if he did.

i wun.

it was a mistake dat i made 2 n 1/2 yrs ago.

n niwaes.he'd be der wif me after werk.

so its quite orite.

but he's juz too damn hot.

even wen we go clubbin.

gals are flockin to him lyk hell.

aku nie tiang lampu pe?!?!

his cuzzin galfren, lin, said to me

all i gotta do is be patient wif wat im seein.

coz dis is him before i met him.

but yesterday nite.

he also told everyone he knows dat im his gal.

im beamin lyk crazy.

even till now.

coz i still cant believe sumone as hot as him

wuld even take a second glance at me.

n i thank god for lettin us mit.

even in e wrong way.

i luf him.

bless us aites?

18 July, 2006

bored to death.ma bezfren's makin out wip e boifren n wun talk to me.

ma (new!) boipren is in jb wif his fren.

im bored.hell yeah.

so.another survey done.

1 letter from your name.

.: s

1 thing that you are thinking.

.: i hate u gerl.ure makin out wip pallat n leavin me alone rite now.hmph.

1 place you would like to be now.

.: in irul's arms.

1 thing that is infront of you.

.: ma hp.waitin for his text.

1 name that is in your mind.

.: muhamad khairul anwar.dats his name.

1 thing that make you go mad.

.: wen people cant stop lyin to ma face.

1 thing that make your day today.

.: wen he said he misses me.*blush*

1 thing that make you mad today.

.: case of e ex.blamin me for wantin to let go. sayin i was a great disappointment n stuff.bull.

1 thing that attracts you.

.: his eyes.

1 thing that make you sad.

.: dat our relationship of 31mths together gone juz lyk dat.

1 person you wish to see.

.: irul.mish him lah.

1 of your idol.

.: eminem.

1 song that you just heard.

.: sway from ma frenster profile.

1 movie that you had seen lately.

.: fast n e furious.tokyo drift.

1 guy/girl that attracts you lately.

.: irul.

1 person you last seen.

.: still irul.hehe.

1 person that you cant forget abt.

.: hadidi faizal.hey.we juz split.wat u expect.

1 style of your favorite.

.: gothic.lurve e eye make-up.

1 food that you love to eat.

.: wen im reali bored.ice cream.

1 gift that you want to give to somebody.

.: ma hart fully.

1 number from your hp no.

.: 9

1 thing that you cant forget.

.: today.e day we split up.e day me n irul got together.much too much to handle ey.

....

haixx.still no response from both sides.

bored man.gona watch tokyo drift again.

much too early for me to go to bed rite.

no one's on msn to chat wip also.

god.

wished i'd gone to werk.

mark e date today.

18th july 2006.

e day me n irul got together.

hahh.

he's juz so amazing.swit.farniie.wif a touch of sarcastic-ness.

n he's so tall.he makes me fil lyk a dwarf.hahz.

well.at least i can get really tall heels now.

met him yesterday.

wif his cuzzin n his galfren.

went out to changi beach.eat n talk bull.

bitchin bout yaser.

he's so goddamn pathetic.

lyk going around telling others bout wat his cuzzins r doin.

as if he's an angel himself.

n he's such a braggart n all.

god.hatin him even more.

irul doesnt allow me to tell yaser dat we're together.

nak jaga hati sedara.

plus point is i cant wait to c e damned look on his face.

yet.wun be dat good if he show-n-tell hairul things bout me.

he's e type who cant shut up.

thinkin everyone ards salutes to him.

blah.blah.blah.

wat an asshole.

n gez wat.he actuali planned to go to ma werkplc tonite.

get irul to sit wif another gal.

n make me reali jealous n stuff.

wat he doesnt noe is dat.

im not werkin.n irul's mitin me tonite.

hahz.amik kau.

enuf bout dis idiot.

im embracin a new found love.

n i hope he wun disappoint me.

i dunno him all dat well yet.

n yesh.im crazy to take dis step.

but u live only once ey.

n u wuldnt noe if it'll come round again.

17 July, 2006

ok. let's try to do dis as honestly as possible.

hekz.

1. Honestly, are you in love right now?

.: love seems far too strong for me now..but yesh im infatuated wif him..*winkz*

2. Honestly, what's on your mind right now?

.: shuld i go back to slp?its still early...

3. Honestly, what are you doing right now?

.: tryin to honestly answer dis.

4. Honestly, what did you do today?

.: ok.e day is juz startin out now so cant say much.wat i can say is dat i sent mom to werk juz now n now im home.

5. Honestly, do you think you are attractive?

.: honestly no.got waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay toooooooooooooo much flaws.

6. Honestly, have you done something bad today?

.: e day juz started babe.

7. Honestly, do you watch the Disney channel?

.: e onli channel i switch to weneva im watchin tv in e living room.

8. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?

.: hmmm.am i?not reali sure.

9.Honestly, what/who makes you happy most of the time ?

.: for now is irul's msgs n accompaniments...fuuuuuhhhhhh!

10. Honestly, do you bite your nails?

.: no.im a farkin perfectionist.i refuse to do dat to ma nails.

11.Honestly, what is your mood right now?

.: tired n sleepy.

12. Honestly, who do you want to look at?

.: dis is such a dumb question.but honestly, him.

13. Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret?

.: ' cept for e fact im cheatin behind dd's back...nah.nothing.

14. Honestly, do you hate someone right now?

.: i dun do hate lah.juz mentally torturing maself, for wat?!?

15. Honestly, who/what do you want to hug most?

.: WANT TO?honestly, irul.ni lah indah nyer bercinta.tgh suker,sumer bagus.cuba lamer sikit.ader jek yg tak kena.hehe.

16. Honestly, do your wrists hurt?

.: y wuld it?

17. Honestly, are you in denial?

.: used to be.kept thinkin dat dis was not how didi n me wuld end up and thou we tried to avoid it, e journey's endin for us pretty soon.n its not becoz of irul either.coz even if he didnt come along at dis point, we wuld still be toast.

18. Honestly, do you really want someone accompany you right now?

.: errr.no actuali.i wana slp lah.

19. Honestly, do you like someone?

.: yep.

20. Honestly, does anyone like you?

.: can u answer dis for me?coz i honestly dunno.

21. Honestly, are you going anywhere tomorrow??

.: supposedly to mit nana n boipren sumwer to hang n chill.mish ' em!

22. Honestly, did you answer all these questions honestly?

.: i can proudly n honestly say yes.

ok now dat's done.

im gona catch sum zzzzZZZZ for a mo before going to St.James later.

will update again.

till then.

take care people.

15 July, 2006

hey.hey.
another day.another saturday.

aniwaes.

ive fallen in luf.wif dis guy here.

hotness.

look at dose dreamy-sleepy eyes.

k fine.

im a bitch.

he's lyk yaser's cuzzin.

noticed him everytime yaser brought him down to ma werkplc.

juz soooo hot.

e pix doesnt do him justice.he's way hotter than dis.

k fine.veri e mat-mat.but wat e hell.

he was so worried wat yaser wuld think bout us.

not lyk reali worried.

more lyk yaser is his cuzzin blah blah blah kinda shit.

bit worried wat our outcome mite turn out to be.

if he's juz another hartbreaker..haix..

but he's meltin me wif his eyes....

ok stop it.

next,didi.

ok people.gettin on ma nerves.

now he's confronting me as to why i didnt pik up his phone calls

or reply to his msgs.

halamak.

nak jadi control freak pulak.

padahal biler aku tergiler2 kan dia

dia buat bodoh ngn aku.

skrg cari2 lak.

stress sak.

advice anione?

14 July, 2006

guys r so fucked up.
si yaser nie tak reti2 aku tanak ngn dia.
boleh2 sakk melekat kat aku.
maner2 aku gi dia ader.
yesterday, went to werk at ma old plc at liang court.
den mami candy told me dat yaser waiting for me downstairs.
halamak.
aku ader lah lari kevins pub werk kat fortiss lak.
dia lak kejar aku kat sini.
mampoz.
aper sakk dia nak.bodoh kaper.
den fad.
met him last tues at boat quay.
den went to desire.wif naz n one of his fren.
naz putus tunang.tapi si swit talk motherfucker nie bukannye leh cayer sgt.
yg si fad lak.nak step jealous konon wen i talked to naz.
i mean.come on lah.ure still attached.
aniwaes doesnt hurt dat me n ur cuzzin juz talkin.
not lyk we makin out in front of u or sumthin.
so selfish.
den i asked him to break off wip e galfren.
tanak lak tu.pikir aku pe sakk.
dasar jantan golojoh.
samer lah ngn sedara dia.
den comes didi.
suddenly he decides to be his annoying self all over again.
kip on callin n callin n callin.
n msgin me.
pikir aku nie baju kepe.rasa nak pakai amik.
tanak letak almari.
no farkin way im givin in.
i'll let him taste wat he did to me e past month.
it hadnt been easy for me.
im back on medication.stronger dis tym.
n im not lettin him get away wif it easily.
e onli consolation in ma life rite now is dat im lookin forward to drinkin maself crazy everynite.

13 July, 2006

not doin anythin much now so..

as usual..

What are you doing now?

.: eating ice cold lychees n longan while doin dis...

Do you think you have change?

.: i did..den not appreciated so..it realli means nothin..

Who taught you the most?

.: maself n experience.

What is the most painful moment you've had in life?

.: being hurt by love time n again.

Who is your hero?

.: no one reali.

Who is your heroine?

.: brianna banks?

In your life, what has shorten?

.: time.

Can you draw?

.: well i hope so.if not dat diploma is a waste.

Are you depressed?

.: can u help me?

Are you tired? why?

.: aint got enuf sleep lah..

What did you do the whole day?

.: e day is juz starting..goin to st james n teach till 4, den miting at 6.30 at newton den nite werkin..

When's the last time you hangout with someone new?

.: dat wuld be amy..juz last wk i think..

Who do you think of right now?

.: no one reali.

Which is painful to you? torture or pressure?

.: torture. i nid e pressure.

Is your life filled with laughter or anger?

.: depends.

Do you sometimes realised that whatever you do is stupid?

.: yep.dunch ask.

How often do you safe yourself?

.: dunch even fil lyk saving maself!

Do you entertain people with bad compliments about you?

.:i lurve it.motivation mah.

What are you gonna do after this?

.: get ready to go out.

What do you wish for?

.: loadsa money n sumone wuld buy me ma drim car.

Who do you really missed?

.:reali reali missed??ma beshfren nana...

10 July, 2006

haha.
k fine lah.abit itchy fingers dis few days.
kip changin ma blogskin.
nothin seems to fit ma mood rite now.
haixx.
niwaes.
started ma 1st class wif e monsterous k1's n k2's today.
yar.confirm monsters.too many boys.
too much noise.
but at least dey listen to u.
one kid kips on pulling ma shirt wenever he wana call me.
ishk.habis sumer babatz nampak.
lyk lazy wana go werk.e parents today seem to be super hyper.
slalu nyer tym gini da kat dlm bilik prepare2 nak tdo.
rimas aku.
si yaser pon lagi satu.dis noon b4 i left for werk he came over.
haixx.told him to leave me alone burrt now become stalker lak.
thank goodness was drivin mum's car.
was runnin away from him.
ader patut dia kejar aku sampai kat kallang.
takut sakk.
kalau tk terpaksa tumpang dia.
rimas sakk.tak paham aku.
susah nah nak paham bahase melayu agaknyer.
he said he's comin down to ma werkplc later.
go lah.not werking today.
shagged sakk.
sleepy sum more.

ok fine.im addicted to this.
so wat.suker lah.korang bacer jugak per.

1. are you over 13?
.: god!no!

2. what is the wallpaper on ur cellphone?
.: my car tuscani.

3. did you get enough sleep last nite?
.: watched e final match of worldcup. france lost to stupidity.sheeeesh!

4. first thing you thought about this morning when you woke up?
.: damn.its raining.gotta send mum to werk.later me going to werk.not enuf slp.can i juz not werk?!?

5. what do you have on your bed?
.: pillows n tigger

6. ever tried to skip meal?
.: its not skipping.juz too full to eat ok.

7. grilled or fried?
.: grilled.

8. what makes you unique?
.: juz being me.

9. are you afraid of the dark?
.: ive partial nite blindness so yah i am.

10. fave movies?
.: chick flicks.

11. 4 things you cant live without?
.: money.make up.clothes.ma beshfren.

12. first thing you will buy if given one million dollars?
.: my car tuscani.fully paid.fully modified.

13. favourite songs you like to listen?
.: rnb.hip hop.raggaeton.sum malay songs.

14. what are you afraid of?
.: too many to list down.

15. are you a giver or a taker?
.: more of a giver...lets juz say im dumb.

16. what are your nicknames?
.: sasha, chacha, elle

17. what's ur dad's middle name?
.: not in his ic yet.

18. recent movie that you watched?
.: pemburu emas yamashita senario

19. if you were invisible for a day, what would you do?
.: go spyin n stalkin..hehe.

20. stuck on a deserted island & could have onlyone kind of food for the rest of ur life, whatwould it be?
.: green apples.

21.are you in love?
.: waddya think?

22. how long do you like him/her?
.: who?!?!

23. first thing you'll save a person from drowning?
.: dun get u..

24. your eye colour?
.: noon brown n blue at nite..

25. what are the things you always bring?
.: hp.wallet.makeup.

26. who's on ur mind rite now?
.: no one reali.

27. what do you usually do when the clock turns 7am?
.: still sleeping.

28. the colour of ur bedsheet?
.: blue.

29. who do you want to meet?
.: today?gotta go st james n mit lil' monsters today.

30. how's life today?
.: e weather's so e cooling bt i gotta go out n werk so basically it sux lah.

09 July, 2006

ok.taken from frenster.bacer lah korang.

NAME YOUR:
- favorite soda: ice cream soda? i seldom drink sodas.i prefer minute maid's limeade n ice lemon tea.
- favorite band: stop it sakk.
- favorite burger: i hate foods.
- favorite fruit: green apple.
- favorite weather: cooling.no rain please.

DO YOU:
- have a girlfriend/boyfriend: NO.
- think others find you attractive: beauty is in e eye of e beholder.
- want a tattoo: been der.done dat.

LAST:
- talked to: mum.
- thought: hating being me.
- watched: halfway of fast and e furious tokyo drift.

FOR /AGAINST:
- long distant relationships: against.

HAVE YOU:
- ever cried over a girl or boy: yep.
- ever been arrested: yep.
- ever had a friend die: yep.
- ever dated a cousin: im 'laughing'.biggest mistake of ma life.
- ever got beat up: yep.
- ever hated someone: dats plentiful of someones.
- ever made a huge mistake: yar.miting him.getting to noe him.being wif him.
- ever jogged a mile: how far is dat?

NUMBER:
- favorite number: 16.
- of times I have had my heart broken: wuldnt wana noe.

LAST PERSON WHO:
- slept in your bed: me,myself & sasha.
- made you cry: blardy apek2 teksi.
- yelled at you: daddy.

PICK ONE:
- blue or red?: always e sexy red.
- spring or fall?: spring.

ABOUT YOU:
- how old do you look?: older than ma age.
- how old do you act?: ma age.
- do you have any pets?: yep.guppies.5 adult-survivors, 2 baby-survivors & 2 suckerfishes.
- do you get embarrassed?: dun u?
- do you get jealous easy?: to e ones i love.
- What color do you wear most?: chaos color. black & white.
-Last song you heard?: wen love & hate collides.nice oldies.
-What's for dinner to nyt?: roti kirai at mira's bday party juz now.
- Are you happy with your life right now?: y in e world wuld i be happy in living hell?
-Last thing you bought over 50 dollars?: ma phone bill.
-Are you missing someone right now?: dat wuld b a few.nana.sis.juelz.
-One word to describe you: dey gave me e title 'mentel' at ma nite job.hehe.
-Do you own big sunglasses?: juz 1.
-What would you rather be doing right now?: club?im bored n feeling down.
- What should you be doing right now?: nothing actuali.maybe i shuld go club after all.or sumwer.or do sumthing.or..aaah.forget it.

lyk i said.
went to mira's bday party at jurong east.
drove dem down.
his mum.sis.n bro.n him.
seriously.
im in sync wif e family members 'cept him.
cant stand his presence.
thank god i oni haf to sit beside him for a while in e car.
coz once we reached der i was kinda running away from him.
pretended to be busy.
good tactic lah kan.
its not dat i mind driving dem down to jurong.
but he's sooooooooo e taking advantage of me.
pik him.go bike shop pay his bike fees.go jurong west pass his fren sumthing.
lyk fuck.
oni der wen he nids ME.
(wonder wer was he wen i nided him????)
den drove down to airport to fetch mom.
wasted trip thou.
went to t1.got stuck in e taxi's queue.
got fucked by e taxi drivers.
fucked up sakk.mentang2 aku pakai tu karipap kuning.bully aku pe.
mcm sial lah.bingit jeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkk.
dari korang queue pat situ kan puas ati korg kuar cari passenger???
den mum called n say dat its at t2.
lagi besar pe sial.
so got out of e queue n went down to t2 capark.
still mum couldnt find me.
so in e end.she say go home on ma own coz mimi's dad will send her home.
sial kan??ader patut??
dah lah aku malu kat situ.suruh aku balik lak tu.
biiiiiiiinnnnngggiiiiiiiiiittttt sakk.
den si jantan sial(j.s.) nie kol me la.
konon nyer nak pujuk aku lah kan coz of e apek2.
ceh.macam maner nyer concern jek kan.
so ok lah.i thot maybe its tym to end dis fucked up feeling n get back on track.
so drove down to his place.he said he went to transfer his bike to e carpark.
so i called & called.&amp;amp; called.& called.& called.& called.& called.& called.& called...
tak angkat sakk.da sedih nie tau.takpe.
went up to his place.shoes missing.
called him again.online!!never mind.
pick up den say he at kedai kopi.so i asked why didnt he pick up e fone.
he said i trying to find fault or wat?
saper carik pasal nie?!?!
so drove e car out to e carpark wer he parks his bike.
lagi best!dua2 motor dia takder.kedai kopi pon dia takde!!
halamak.shit happens all e way.
mentang2 lah aku tgh simpan taik nie.tak terberak2.
so ape lagi.blah lah.
if dis continues.soon i'll be down to depression again.
no amount of pills can help me dis tym.
buat aku abis2 sakk nie jantan.ishkkk!!!!
yesterday.werked.(411 for juelz, its called kevin's pub)
mami dah lah selenger.
sent me to dis guest.who was super rough.
banyak tgk porn baser pakai wax lilin n rembat kai tali pinggang nyer.
halamak.stress sakk.
asked mami to stop me.but she say cant coz not enuf gals.
so aper lagi.menderita sakk aku kat dalam.
until it got sooooooooooo bad dat i came out crying.
i cried & asked abg jamil to help me.
nasib baik abg jamil helped me.tau takut tgk aku nangis.
pikir aku buat kelakar pe sakk???
kalau dengar cakap mami, silap2 abis aku da mampos agaknyer.
haixx.at tyms lyk dis i wonder why im back in dis line.
im juz sick of asking ma parents for mola.
da gitu.si yaser nie lak.
da ok2.step jual mahal lah kan.aku da nak try accept.
dia mula balik dengan perangai dia tu.
alamak.
binggiiiiittt jek.
nak suke aku kau nyer pasal lah.aku tak paksa & tak suruh pon.
tapi takmu lah jadi so e blardy degil.
told him i nided sum tym alone.juz to be alone for awhile.
tak accept lah tu me nak larikan diri.
so came down to ma werkplace n requested for me.
halamak.bingit jek.
dah lah mami aku nie bengap.aku reject dia kata tak leh.
takkan lah aku nk amik tipping yaser sakk.
tak baik seh.its lyk he's ma fren gitu.
nak mintak pon tak sedap.
dia tu dah lah super rajin asik nak amik aku alik dari keje jek.
tpt kaje kalau dekat takper.
jauh siol.sgh situ.
beh lagi satu nyer sial ape.
dat tym suruh dia dtg btol kan my laptop yang hampir2 dihumban dari tingkat 2 nie.
ader ker patut dia curi my pictures in ma lappy.
suker2 sakk nie jantan.
ader hati mintak permission konon nak upload kat frenster.
edited version lah.put our faces together.
blah lah!
tak dapat sakk.sikit pun tak ori ok.
haixx.
farniie lah jantan2 nie.
yang aku buat sial,buat taik boleh2 nak melekat kat aku.
tak betol.
makin hari makin rabak sakk hidup.
puas hati duk dalam tank tu temankan ikan2 aku.
lagi bagus.

07 July, 2006

used to get a kick outta doin dis surveys.taken from nana's blog.

*10 Favourite*
*Fav colour: black, red
*Fav food: dunch haf one coz dey make me fat..
*Fav Movie: chick flicks okies?
*Fav sport: swimming
*Fav season: cooling..
*Fav day of e week: friday!!!
*Fav ice-cream flavour: choc banana

*9 current*
*Current mood: shagged.wana pass motion burt it wun cm out.
*Current clothes: kimono
*Current Desktop: my fav car
*Current toenail colour: orange
*Current time: 2.01pm
*Current surrounding: ma tv room
*Current annoyance(s): ma tummy which seems to be takin over control of ma bowel movements..aaarrrggh!
*Current thought: shuld i go to e toilet now or later?

*8 first*
*first bestfriend: nana...we've been together for coming 12 yrs...
*First crush: he was dis maths teacher in pri 2..
*First movie: da giler?!?
*First lie: too many to remember xia..
*First music: bsb
*First car: toyota wish..but aint mine..

*7 last*
*Last cigarette: before i bathe juz now at 12 plus noon
*Last drink: juz oni while takin ma med
*Last car ride: yesterday..drove to werk..
*Last crush: not even sure of e current one..
*Last movie seen: high school musical
*Last phone call: around 1.40 plus, wif ma mum...
*Last CD player: no hap.

*6 have you ever*
*Have you ever dated with one of your bestfriend: tink im a lesbo?
*Have you ever broken the law: who hasnt?
*Have you ever been arrested: yep.
*Have you ever skinny dipped: wana try sumtym..
*Have you ever been on tv: too shy
*Have you ever kissed sumone you didnt know: haha...yesh.

*5 things you're wearing*
anklet.
hair bands on wrist.
ring given by nana n ahmad on ma 17th bdae.
bra.
tanga.

*4 things you've done today*
bathe.
vacuumed e house.
feed e fishes.
blogging.

*3 things you can hear now*
mr bean on tv.
the fan.
birds.

*2 things you can't live without*
money.
ma make up.

*1 thing you do wen you're bored*
watching endless reruns of movies.

started dat ugly drinkin habit again.
werking in a pub at nite.
god.im so shagged.
ma fav lambo drink sux now.
makin me nauseous after e 2nd cup.
dey said i gtta eat b4 i drink.
im tryin to lose weight hel-lo!
people are so daft.
got to noe a lot of frenz der.
thou i was warned not to get too close
as dey do backstabbing.
hmmm.
dey realli seemed nice thou.
well.
in dis line.
trust no one but urself.
dat blardy drink is so controlling ma bowels movements.
dun even noe if i reali nid e toilet or not.
getting irritated.
mite be wrong bout libran males thou.
yaser may seem kinda irritating at 1st.
but.as we got closer.
he got cleverer playing e hard-to-get game.
dis ma kinda man.
beyond all.
he reali is a nice guy.
concerned.matured.crazy.fun.
ok.im not praising him or anything.
im juz saying.
still gotta kip ma distance.
who knows if he gets to being e irritating guy i knew at 1st?
nightmare.hehe.

06 July, 2006

HOW EMO AM I?

[x]my fave color is black or red
[ ]i own chain pants
[x]i wear black
[x]i wear black eyeliner
[ ]i have pictures of me where i look emo

Total= 3

[x]i cut/used to cut
[x]i have thought about suicide
[x]i cry ALOT
[x]i am very emotional
[ ]if i dont get my way i throw a fit

Total= 4

[ ]i like rock music
[ ]i own at least 5 band t-shirts
[ ]i wear black braclets
[ ]i like HIM, Korn, Slipknot or Metallica
[x]GoodCharlotte is gay

Total= 1

[ ]i shop in HotTopic
[ ]i own at least 2 wrist cufs
[ ]i own converse all stars
[ ]i own converse all stars that are black
[x]i think preps suck

Total= 1

[x]i am depressed/been depressed
[x]i have tried suicide
[x]i have tried suicide more than 3 times
[x]i cut/used to cut myself at least 3 times a week
[x]emos rock!

Total=5
Add up you total's and multiply by 4. repost this
saying
"i am _61__% emo"

'How many times can you honestly say you'vebeen in love?
.: honestly 3 tyms

` Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate?
.: yeap..i do..

` Do you think that you should become friends withsomeone first?
.: i believe in it ' cept i dun practise wat i preach thou

` Have you ever had your heart broken?
.: countless

` What do you think about long-distancerelationships?
.: juelz, ru having hell of a gd tym? *winkz*

` Your thoughts on online relationships?
.:culd nurture if given e chance...

` Would you rather date someone five years olderor five years younger?
.: older or else ppl mite start to label me as phidophile

` Have you ever seen a friend as more than afriend?
.: yeap...big mistake

` Do you believe the statement, "Once a cheateralways a cheater"?
.: i hope dat he wuld chg but no..

`Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt & you cried?
.: more than dat..i wanted to die

` How many kids do you want to have?
.: 3...juz nice

` Is there someone who you like at the moment?
.: plenty

` Do you usually fall for a wrong guy/girl or the rightguy/girl?
.: always e wrong guy..duno y...gona try for e rite gal next tym..:P

` What is your favorite color?
.: black....red....

` What are your views on gay marriages?
.: realli..its up to dem..

` Have you ever broken someone's heart?
.: im not perfect u noe..

` Have you ever given or been given roses?
.: yar... wich has been respectfully dumped into the bin

` Are you the one who makes the move or do youwait for them to make the move?
.: depends on e situation..i mean, how long more u wan me to wait rite?

` What is your all time favorite romance movie?
.: chick flicks always werks for me

` Imagine you're 79 & your spouse just died, wouldyou remarry after they died & you were married for60 years?
.: any takers?

` At what age did you start noticing theopposite/same sex?
.: kecik2 da miang dah..

` What song do you want played as you walk downthe aisle?
.: wen e tym comes i'll let u noe

`Are most high school kids infatuated or in love?
.: still infatuated..come on lah..!who u kiddin?!?

`What was your first love(like)?
.: really farniie n childish coz soooooo many people fighting wip me over him!

`What's the longest you've ever liked someone?
.: i refuse to an dis dumb qn

`Would you give up everything for love?
.: maybe..i oreadi gave up ma dreams for him...sadly not appreciated...sheesh!

`Will your life be incomplete without love?
.: sumhow

`What do you notice first in a guy/girl?
.: dose eyes n smile...

`What do you like most about your crush?
.: i do not haf a crush

`Do you like someone?
.: thot so

`Do you want to get married?
.: every gals' wish but for now...nah...been too disappointed lah..

`Last person who hugged you?
.: amy..ma colleague..going home mah so hug n kiss la

05 July, 2006

blogger doesnt lemme upload ma piix.
darn.
so peepz.no convo day pix.
burrt.niwaes.its reali nothing much coz mum doesnt noe how to operate e camera.
supposedly to be ma happiest day coz we get to wear e robe.
burrt.e one person who was 'supposedly' to matter e most wasnt der.
last min duty.yar.yar.everything else is juz so much more impt than me rite.
wateva.
i was der for ur grad show.i was der for ur convo day.i was der for ur pop.
u wer der for ma grad show.u were not der for ma convo day.u were not der for our anniversaries.hakz.thank god i dun haf a pop to attend to.
wateva.
i never was important to u n never will.
getting used to it actually.
so get use to it wen i do it back to ya aite?
im sick of letting u step onto me.
im gona fight back.
its gona hurt n im sori.
but its time u get to noe e real me.