license class 2b.
to do a degree in english.
more lots money!!
lose weight!!!
modify my green baby.
be my fren.
multiply me.nadia b. nadia. wanie. nina. ain. queenbee. zee exclusive. belo chix. xiaxue the blogger. the critic. ijat snake.
2006.04
2006.05
2006.06
2006.07
2006.08
2006.09
2006.10
2006.11
2006.12
2007.01
2007.02
2007.03
2007.04
2007.05
2007.06
2007.07
2007.08
2007.09
2007.10
2007.12
2008.01
2008.10
2008.12
2009.02
smacked.
30 August, 2006
hey beautiful people. im home now. went out for e miting juz now. final warning to ma tardiness. haix. next term onwards dis kids gona get e punctual-est teacher dey ever met. hehe. blame it on me for not being able to wake up on time. but. now all dat is said n done. solution: nid to change ma attitude.
next. ma love life. (or lack of it.) dd's side still hasnt come over. wonder wat's delaying dem. but aniwaes. eventually ive come to a point werby i culd live wif dis fact. e fact dat he left.well. yeah. e wounds r der wich wuld lead to scars. plus point is, e gal he is wif is a whore at geylang who apparently earns lyk 40bux per sex. i proudly declare dat thou im werking as a hostess, im still in a high-class place wereby i dun even haf to sell myself. juz sit ard, drink, smoke n practise singing, i culd get lyk 100bux wif no efforts at all. if only i was sexually-hyperactive i culd earn loads more. hakz. wer does dis all gets to? oh yah. so he's wif her becoz of money dat she has, not love. more lyk greed. n dis stupid bitch thinks he loves her n showers him wif money. get it? yar. so he can take all her money if he wants too, but he'll be leaving mine alone. u see? (thank god i worked dat out!) i still am hurting n trying to swallow all dis fact thou. e fact dat he left love for money. n i noe he still loves me. he said so to abg ijan...n he msgd me yesterday asking me how i was n everything. thou he msgd me to get a better guy than him. (as if i nided him to tell me dat!) he also said he's became gay. to wich i answered, more lyk a pimp. (coz pimps make money too u noe.) n i noe. deep, deep down inside his stony hart, der's a place for me. maybe he's realized dat he hurt me too much n therefore takes dis step in leaving me.
not noeing how much its hurting me now. but. better now den later rite. for now. im juz dreading e festive season coming. puasa...raya....ma bday...new year...vday...still wishing i could sleep thru it all n wake up in march 2007. (telan obat tdo bnyk2!!) too much memories shared between us.
now all i nid to do is to stay low. not ever letting him catch me wif sum other guy so dat he culd prove dat i was in e wrong. but sumhow, irul doesnt seem to undestand dis concept. kips on saying dat me n dd are over so y shuld we even wori. (nie lah arab celop bodoh tak paham adat resam bangsa melayu.) haix. so strong-headed. we've been arguing so much dat its starting to irritate me. we argued everyday. tantrums. attitudes. no different from e last phase i've been thru. now he's urging me to marry him by end of next year. n so does hanz. hanz's a guy i met at my werkplc. n he fell in love wif me. we knew each other way before dis becoz his group used to bring ma sis out. yes. ma sis. e beauty. so aniwaes. while he as wif ma sis. me n him nvr reali get to noe each other. jus simple his n byes. n 3 way calls. dats all. but now.
actuali all dis is kinda getting sumwat boring. yesh, i nided ma self-confidence back, but not to e extend of people asking me to marry dem. i mean, hel-lo. i juz went thru a broken engagement. plus i dun even noe u dat well.
haix. gotta learn to push dis people down. tactfully thou. wuldnt want dem to disappear entirely rite? hehe.
now. jobs. yesh. im still werking as a part time teacher, nite time GRO, but i nid a really full-on permanent job wereby i get a stable income. apparently. ders none at e mo. i've been looking mind u. so any lobangs. do let me noe.
i tink dats about it in ma lyf rite now. oh. n apart from e fact dat im desperately - i repeat- desperately trying to lose weight. yesh. ive put on some. n i hate e fact dat ma tummy's forever grumbling coz it wuld den take over ma mind n mouth to be fed. see? dats y i nid a permanent job to kip me bz n away from foods.
felt lyk events of e past few weeks had been lyk ages ago. but fact is it juz happened. i tink im on autopilot. lyf zips by wen u dun realize it.
next. ma love life. (or lack of it.) dd's side still hasnt come over. wonder wat's delaying dem. but aniwaes. eventually ive come to a point werby i culd live wif dis fact. e fact dat he left.well. yeah. e wounds r der wich wuld lead to scars. plus point is, e gal he is wif is a whore at geylang who apparently earns lyk 40bux per sex. i proudly declare dat thou im werking as a hostess, im still in a high-class place wereby i dun even haf to sell myself. juz sit ard, drink, smoke n practise singing, i culd get lyk 100bux wif no efforts at all. if only i was sexually-hyperactive i culd earn loads more. hakz. wer does dis all gets to? oh yah. so he's wif her becoz of money dat she has, not love. more lyk greed. n dis stupid bitch thinks he loves her n showers him wif money. get it? yar. so he can take all her money if he wants too, but he'll be leaving mine alone. u see? (thank god i worked dat out!) i still am hurting n trying to swallow all dis fact thou. e fact dat he left love for money. n i noe he still loves me. he said so to abg ijan...n he msgd me yesterday asking me how i was n everything. thou he msgd me to get a better guy than him. (as if i nided him to tell me dat!) he also said he's became gay. to wich i answered, more lyk a pimp. (coz pimps make money too u noe.) n i noe. deep, deep down inside his stony hart, der's a place for me. maybe he's realized dat he hurt me too much n therefore takes dis step in leaving me.
not noeing how much its hurting me now. but. better now den later rite. for now. im juz dreading e festive season coming. puasa...raya....ma bday...new year...vday...still wishing i could sleep thru it all n wake up in march 2007. (telan obat tdo bnyk2!!) too much memories shared between us.
now all i nid to do is to stay low. not ever letting him catch me wif sum other guy so dat he culd prove dat i was in e wrong. but sumhow, irul doesnt seem to undestand dis concept. kips on saying dat me n dd are over so y shuld we even wori. (nie lah arab celop bodoh tak paham adat resam bangsa melayu.) haix. so strong-headed. we've been arguing so much dat its starting to irritate me. we argued everyday. tantrums. attitudes. no different from e last phase i've been thru. now he's urging me to marry him by end of next year. n so does hanz. hanz's a guy i met at my werkplc. n he fell in love wif me. we knew each other way before dis becoz his group used to bring ma sis out. yes. ma sis. e beauty. so aniwaes. while he as wif ma sis. me n him nvr reali get to noe each other. jus simple his n byes. n 3 way calls. dats all. but now.
actuali all dis is kinda getting sumwat boring. yesh, i nided ma self-confidence back, but not to e extend of people asking me to marry dem. i mean, hel-lo. i juz went thru a broken engagement. plus i dun even noe u dat well.
haix. gotta learn to push dis people down. tactfully thou. wuldnt want dem to disappear entirely rite? hehe.
now. jobs. yesh. im still werking as a part time teacher, nite time GRO, but i nid a really full-on permanent job wereby i get a stable income. apparently. ders none at e mo. i've been looking mind u. so any lobangs. do let me noe.
i tink dats about it in ma lyf rite now. oh. n apart from e fact dat im desperately - i repeat- desperately trying to lose weight. yesh. ive put on some. n i hate e fact dat ma tummy's forever grumbling coz it wuld den take over ma mind n mouth to be fed. see? dats y i nid a permanent job to kip me bz n away from foods.
felt lyk events of e past few weeks had been lyk ages ago. but fact is it juz happened. i tink im on autopilot. lyf zips by wen u dun realize it.
hahkz! finally done.
wuld love to update stuff rite now 'cept i've nt yet sleep from 6am. and i gota reach newton at 2.45pm. haix. better lie down for awhile. nid to be outta here by 12.30pm. gota get up n get ready at 11.30am.haixxx. lyf's tough. struggling thru it..
wuld love to update stuff rite now 'cept i've nt yet sleep from 6am. and i gota reach newton at 2.45pm. haix. better lie down for awhile. nid to be outta here by 12.30pm. gota get up n get ready at 11.30am.haixxx. lyf's tough. struggling thru it..
28 August, 2006
ok. new skin. but not yet finished. i think. will refine further.
22 August, 2006
juz got back home. devastating news were heard. dd went over to his mum's place n asked her to come over to mine. i gez dis it. it's reali over between us. im so confused. at one point i reali wan him to do dis, yet at another i didnt wana let go. i noe it may sounds stupid. but onli me wuld undestand coz im going thru dis, not others. he said dat he 'takde muka' wana get back to me after i rejected him a few times. it hurts dat it doesnt make him realize. n hurts dat i realized i dun mean much to him animore. or else. worthless. no one is hearing my pleas. how could he do dis to me? wuld letting go be e only solution? would it reali solve everything? for sure he'd be outta ma life. but can i live wif e fact dat having been thru all dis, in e end it was juz crap? juz nothing?
im hurt. i thot dat he would realize. thot he cant go on without me. but im so so so wrong. coz without me he proved to be going on well. n it seems lyk he has oreadi let go.
n in all dis, im also hurting irul. who realizes dat im still in luf wif dd. kinda shitty actuali. me in luf wif dd n irul in luf wif me. dun exactly practising wat i preached hurh? but im too scared. im too afraid to let go of e luf ive built for all dis while. n im too skeptical to accept a new beginning.
how i wish dat all dis is a bad drim...n wen i wake up we're back to 1st january 2004, wen luf was still pure between us. n i make sure der had be no mistakes dis tym. but i noe its too late now. too late to do anything. last i heard is dat his side is coming over dis wkend. n i hope n pray dat e wkend would not come.
im hurt. i thot dat he would realize. thot he cant go on without me. but im so so so wrong. coz without me he proved to be going on well. n it seems lyk he has oreadi let go.
n in all dis, im also hurting irul. who realizes dat im still in luf wif dd. kinda shitty actuali. me in luf wif dd n irul in luf wif me. dun exactly practising wat i preached hurh? but im too scared. im too afraid to let go of e luf ive built for all dis while. n im too skeptical to accept a new beginning.
how i wish dat all dis is a bad drim...n wen i wake up we're back to 1st january 2004, wen luf was still pure between us. n i make sure der had be no mistakes dis tym. but i noe its too late now. too late to do anything. last i heard is dat his side is coming over dis wkend. n i hope n pray dat e wkend would not come.
21 August, 2006
more pix of him.
im sori dat im hurting u..but my old wounds aint healing n der dun seem to have any more space for new ones.~
n 1 of me on graduation. maklumlah mak aku nie kan semangat amik gambar2 gini.
as promised. tym i faced up to reality.
last monday. everything spilled out. y dd has been playing e MIA game wif me for e past 2-3 mths. he had sumone else. as in a new gal. we met last monday. i msgd his fone saying i wana come over n get ma stuff. e gal answered me. she said we shuld mit up n settle dis once n for all. yelah, aku nie kan yang nak rampas dd dari dia. niwaes. i went. and every single bit pieced up. he went missing on me on our anniversary.
remember e day we were supposed to go MOS? yar. dats e one. turns out he had been wif dis gal since may. she's been taking care of him after e accident and such. he said dat we were nothing. dey were planning to get married and stuff. which is kinda bullshit coz no one noes anything. i mean. our family lah. he himself still didnt declare to his mum dat he wana split so im kinda stagnant here coz technically we're still engaged.
wat makes me so mad is e fact dat i lose out to dis gal bcoz of money. yep. she had no looks, shorter than me, looks older than me, darker than me and of coz uglier than me. from wat i heard from abg ijan is dat she's got mola.
wat i dun get is. if he's oreadi decided a future wif her, why bother trying to patch things up wif me? y lead e both of us on? even e day before e mit up he msgd me saying he loves me n stuff. but infront of dis gal he became a coward and denied everything.
i noe, as ure reading dis, ure tinking dat i shuld juz leave dis jerk. e fact was e past weeks. ive been trying to patch things up wif him. tried to take back wateva i said bout splitting. but he couldnt make up his mind. den e gal said she juz had an abortion which apparently is dd's kid. n she's so proud of e fact dat she could gif dd a kid whereas i cant. which gets me tinking dat not one of his ex-galfrens ever got pregnant. so why dis bitch could is a farking miracle. silap2 bukan anak dd pon but u noe she reali got him under her. wich is stupid. he's lyk reali scared of her. u could juz see it. he even made me declare dat we have nothing to do wif each other animore. all i felt was numbness dat i never felt before. i couldnt cry. or laugh. or scream. i juz said yar. we're nothing. which is kinda stupid coz at dat moment it was ma right to claim he was mine since we've not officially broken off.
so den. i told his mum e whole story and she said as long as dd doesnt come over n tell her it's over, im still part of e family. n wen she confronted him bout her he said shes nothin to him n between me n him is settled. so his mum says as long as she doesnt go over nothing is settled. u get it? even ma mum says e same ting. so. if we could figure dis out. wat i get is dat. everyone now wun help him if he wun help himself. to everyone he's still sumone's fiancee. n if he were to get married to her while still tying e knot wif me, my side could demand amounts from his side for causing dis misery. n of coz. another reason is dat his side also dun wana lose me. everyone is guessing dat dis is juz a phase dat he's going thru n dat i shuld juz wait n see. n im still waiting.
im waiting if he has e balls to go over to his mum's plc n declare dat we're over. im waiting to see if he's go e balls to go ahead n get married without saying e last words about us. becoz e one who's making life difficult is himself. people are starting to see him wif her. n no on is blaming me. even thou i was e one who asked for e break up, without knowing he was cheating on me. n now. people noes. n dey see him as e bad guy. n if he reali ask for a break up. dey will onli hate him even more. although dats e hardest part on me. emotionally. coz even thou i reali wanted to break up a dat pt of time, i'd be lying if i said dat i dun haf animore feelings for him.
yes. im hurt. im disappointed. n im happy dat i dun haf to suffer under his terrible thrashings animore. but dis feelings are nothing to e love dat we once shared. e love dat we built n held onto even though der were many who were against. n even till now as im writing dis. i still love him. im depressed. even worse den wen he had gone missing. i cry. den laughs hysterically the next moment. den zone out at some moment of tym. i dunno. im numb.
and thou i wished n hoped dat we would eventually get back together, deep,deep down inside i noe dat we wuldnt. dunno if its a sign or wat but every nite i dreamt of us being further n further apart. i dreamt dat he's gone. left me. n everynite i woke up in cold sweat. crying. its not easy to let go. e old wounds aint yet healing but new ones are forming. n i noe dis wounds wun heal anytym soon. even if dey do der wuld be scars. reminding me of hurt n pain n sacrifices i did for a thing called love.
from dis i learnt dat its better to be wif sumone who loves u den b wif e one u love. coz u never noe if dat sumone u love is loving u e same way u are loving him. truth hurts. but so does lying.
and in dis phase dat im going thru, irul is behind me. he's der to hold me wen i cry. he's der making me laugh. n he's der trying to get into my hart. he said he loved me. n i refused to believe dat its true. im too afraid to believe n trust into love again.
dis kish for u babe..thanx so much.
extending ma thanx to nana. for being der fro me most of e tym wen i cried. n to pallat too for 'melayankan' aku bebual mepek. to abg ijan n wifey kak linda. for being ma clubbing partners for e past week. n lastly to irul. for being der wen i needed sumone to hold. sumone for comfort. n sumone to make me laugh. thanx babe. i nid to learn to let go of e past. but for now. im wallowing in depression hoping answers wuld come to light soon. he may haf hurt me now. but god is fair. n one day He'll hurt him back.
dis has been an experience for me. no doubt a bad one. being 20 is not an age to remember coz he asked me to be e onli one on ma bday but he oso left me before I could bask in a full year.
n as part of dis phase dat im going thru, i made dis blogskin dedicated to wat im filing rite now. yesh. ma tears are frozen. n is permanently going to decorate ma face.
n as promised. here are pix of ma nursery kids.
dis is brendan. relai cute n cheeky boy who's all about monsters n dinosaurs.
dis is zechary. refuses to do his art till last wk i cm up wif sumthing else to interest e kids. hekz.
last monday. everything spilled out. y dd has been playing e MIA game wif me for e past 2-3 mths. he had sumone else. as in a new gal. we met last monday. i msgd his fone saying i wana come over n get ma stuff. e gal answered me. she said we shuld mit up n settle dis once n for all. yelah, aku nie kan yang nak rampas dd dari dia. niwaes. i went. and every single bit pieced up. he went missing on me on our anniversary.
remember e day we were supposed to go MOS? yar. dats e one. turns out he had been wif dis gal since may. she's been taking care of him after e accident and such. he said dat we were nothing. dey were planning to get married and stuff. which is kinda bullshit coz no one noes anything. i mean. our family lah. he himself still didnt declare to his mum dat he wana split so im kinda stagnant here coz technically we're still engaged.
wat makes me so mad is e fact dat i lose out to dis gal bcoz of money. yep. she had no looks, shorter than me, looks older than me, darker than me and of coz uglier than me. from wat i heard from abg ijan is dat she's got mola.
wat i dun get is. if he's oreadi decided a future wif her, why bother trying to patch things up wif me? y lead e both of us on? even e day before e mit up he msgd me saying he loves me n stuff. but infront of dis gal he became a coward and denied everything.
i noe, as ure reading dis, ure tinking dat i shuld juz leave dis jerk. e fact was e past weeks. ive been trying to patch things up wif him. tried to take back wateva i said bout splitting. but he couldnt make up his mind. den e gal said she juz had an abortion which apparently is dd's kid. n she's so proud of e fact dat she could gif dd a kid whereas i cant. which gets me tinking dat not one of his ex-galfrens ever got pregnant. so why dis bitch could is a farking miracle. silap2 bukan anak dd pon but u noe she reali got him under her. wich is stupid. he's lyk reali scared of her. u could juz see it. he even made me declare dat we have nothing to do wif each other animore. all i felt was numbness dat i never felt before. i couldnt cry. or laugh. or scream. i juz said yar. we're nothing. which is kinda stupid coz at dat moment it was ma right to claim he was mine since we've not officially broken off.
so den. i told his mum e whole story and she said as long as dd doesnt come over n tell her it's over, im still part of e family. n wen she confronted him bout her he said shes nothin to him n between me n him is settled. so his mum says as long as she doesnt go over nothing is settled. u get it? even ma mum says e same ting. so. if we could figure dis out. wat i get is dat. everyone now wun help him if he wun help himself. to everyone he's still sumone's fiancee. n if he were to get married to her while still tying e knot wif me, my side could demand amounts from his side for causing dis misery. n of coz. another reason is dat his side also dun wana lose me. everyone is guessing dat dis is juz a phase dat he's going thru n dat i shuld juz wait n see. n im still waiting.
im waiting if he has e balls to go over to his mum's plc n declare dat we're over. im waiting to see if he's go e balls to go ahead n get married without saying e last words about us. becoz e one who's making life difficult is himself. people are starting to see him wif her. n no on is blaming me. even thou i was e one who asked for e break up, without knowing he was cheating on me. n now. people noes. n dey see him as e bad guy. n if he reali ask for a break up. dey will onli hate him even more. although dats e hardest part on me. emotionally. coz even thou i reali wanted to break up a dat pt of time, i'd be lying if i said dat i dun haf animore feelings for him.
yes. im hurt. im disappointed. n im happy dat i dun haf to suffer under his terrible thrashings animore. but dis feelings are nothing to e love dat we once shared. e love dat we built n held onto even though der were many who were against. n even till now as im writing dis. i still love him. im depressed. even worse den wen he had gone missing. i cry. den laughs hysterically the next moment. den zone out at some moment of tym. i dunno. im numb.
and thou i wished n hoped dat we would eventually get back together, deep,deep down inside i noe dat we wuldnt. dunno if its a sign or wat but every nite i dreamt of us being further n further apart. i dreamt dat he's gone. left me. n everynite i woke up in cold sweat. crying. its not easy to let go. e old wounds aint yet healing but new ones are forming. n i noe dis wounds wun heal anytym soon. even if dey do der wuld be scars. reminding me of hurt n pain n sacrifices i did for a thing called love.
from dis i learnt dat its better to be wif sumone who loves u den b wif e one u love. coz u never noe if dat sumone u love is loving u e same way u are loving him. truth hurts. but so does lying.
and in dis phase dat im going thru, irul is behind me. he's der to hold me wen i cry. he's der making me laugh. n he's der trying to get into my hart. he said he loved me. n i refused to believe dat its true. im too afraid to believe n trust into love again.
dis kish for u babe..thanx so much.
extending ma thanx to nana. for being der fro me most of e tym wen i cried. n to pallat too for 'melayankan' aku bebual mepek. to abg ijan n wifey kak linda. for being ma clubbing partners for e past week. n lastly to irul. for being der wen i needed sumone to hold. sumone for comfort. n sumone to make me laugh. thanx babe. i nid to learn to let go of e past. but for now. im wallowing in depression hoping answers wuld come to light soon. he may haf hurt me now. but god is fair. n one day He'll hurt him back.
dis has been an experience for me. no doubt a bad one. being 20 is not an age to remember coz he asked me to be e onli one on ma bday but he oso left me before I could bask in a full year.
n as part of dis phase dat im going thru, i made dis blogskin dedicated to wat im filing rite now. yesh. ma tears are frozen. n is permanently going to decorate ma face.
n as promised. here are pix of ma nursery kids.
dis is brendan. relai cute n cheeky boy who's all about monsters n dinosaurs.
dis is zechary. refuses to do his art till last wk i cm up wif sumthing else to interest e kids. hekz.
n dis is ryan who has a defeciancy on his left side. but still cute all e same.
n dis is sydney n chloe.
many others werent here so i didnt get their pix. but will do soon.
n wif all dat im going thru rite now, i aint surprised wen i stole ma asst mummy's hp. yar. stupidity kinda took over. last sat at werk. was so upset wif life. was so drunk by drinking a hell too much. found hp in a room. took it. den consciense bugging me. telling me to gif it back. n before i could, dey oreadi found it. so yar. im officially called a thief now. as matthew says, 'once a thief, always a thief.' duno wat e hell is wrong wif me. but. thou was forgiven. duno how i can ever go back der. according to kak mimi everyone der seems to haf a problem wif me. according to amy is dat dey are juz jealous dat im daring enuf to do things dat dey cant. well. werking in dis line aint ez if everyone is jealous of anyone else. coz everyone is chasing after e same thing: money. dis is a job. nothing to be ashamed of. even being a toilet attendant is nothing to be ashamed of coz its a job. but if u ever try make it personal, a job aint juz a job nimore.
i was given a chance to come back but if u guys were me, would you? id rather go find another job much, much nearer. maybe going back to fortis or findin another plc elsewer. lyk dey said, wif ma body n looks, it wun b hard for me to get another job. i noe rite. nid u people tell me?!? haha.
15 August, 2006
too much has been going on in ma lyf rite now.too upset to fill up e details now.burrt.i pwomish wen im better and handling tings stable-ly i wuld update evry single details.till den.
09 August, 2006
ma kids from st. james kindergarten. e k1s n k2s. notorious bunch ey.i noe rite.will upload e nursery kids soon.dey are way much,much more cuter.
08 August, 2006
: IN THE PAST 24HRS HAVE YOU----------
1. Cried: yesh...
2. Worn jeans: i wear jeans everyday..
3. Met someone: duh.
4. Done laundry: not yet.
5.Talked on the phone: yep.juz.wif amy.
6.Said I love you: yesh.
--------------DO YOU BELIEVE IN-------------
8. Yourself: no.dunch believe im even able to accomplish simple things.
9. Your friends: dunch noe.
10. Tooth Fairy: im not 3 yrs old.
11. Destiny/Fate: yesh.
12. Ghosts: yarrr....im a scaredy cat xiia.
13. UFO's: isnt it ironic dey oni seem to disturb dose in e U.S
-------------FRIENDS AND LIFE--------------
14. Do you ever wish you had another name?
:hehe. yar.
15. Do you like anyone?
:im not sure at e mo.
16. Which one of your friends acts the most like you?
:none.im one in a million.
17. When you cried the most who was there?
:no one.dunch display public emos.
18. What's the best feeling in the world?
:feeling contented.
19. Worst Feeling?
:to still love dat sumone even tho he hurt me badly.
20. What time is it now?
:7.22pm.
--------WHICH IS BETTER----------
21. Chocolate or vanilla: chocs.
22. Coke or Pepsi: neither
23. Love or Lust:love.
24. Sprite or 7UP: sprite
25. Girls or Guys: both are equal.
26. Scruff or Clean shaved: i wuld say clean but so far all ive got is scruff.
27. Blondes or Brunettes: blondes.
Tall or short: definitely tall. hate short guys.
29. movies day or night: nite.
-------WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX------
31. What do you notice first: e eyes...den smile...
32. What type of girl/guy do you like: sumone who;s not irritating is fine wif me.
----------THE LAST TIME YOU...-----
33. took a shower: 5plus juz now.
34. Last time you cried: juz now.met him.
-----WHO-----
35. Makes you smile: depends. mostly nana n frens. irul n cuzzin.
36. Who can make you smile no matter what: irul n his cuzzin.
37. Has a crush on you: dunch wana noe.
38. Are you in love right now: seriously. dunch noe. im afraid to get hurt again.
--------DO YOU EVER--------
39. Sit by the phone waiting for a phone call: yesh.stupidly.
40. Save AIM conversations: is dat lyk saving msn msgs? nah...
41. Wish you were someone else: almost everyone who's not paris hilton or brad pitt wishes dey were sumone else.
42. Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: wuld dat make living easier?
43. Wear perfume: duh.
44. Go online for longer than eight hours at a time: used to. but now..nah.
--------WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...---------
45. That you saw: didi.
46. You talked to: amy.
47. You hugged: irul.
48. You instant messaged: no one.
--------DO YOU?-------
51. Color your hair: yesh. thot of going for highlights.
52. Have tattoos: plentiful.
53. Have piercings: jus e earlobes.
54. Have on lipstick: NEVER.
55. Own more than 10 pairs of flip flops: nah.
56. Like someone: dunch noe.
57. Hate someone: nah.
58. Have any money on you: thankfully.yesh.
1. Cried: yesh...
2. Worn jeans: i wear jeans everyday..
3. Met someone: duh.
4. Done laundry: not yet.
5.Talked on the phone: yep.juz.wif amy.
6.Said I love you: yesh.
--------------DO YOU BELIEVE IN-------------
8. Yourself: no.dunch believe im even able to accomplish simple things.
9. Your friends: dunch noe.
10. Tooth Fairy: im not 3 yrs old.
11. Destiny/Fate: yesh.
12. Ghosts: yarrr....im a scaredy cat xiia.
13. UFO's: isnt it ironic dey oni seem to disturb dose in e U.S
-------------FRIENDS AND LIFE--------------
14. Do you ever wish you had another name?
:hehe. yar.
15. Do you like anyone?
:im not sure at e mo.
16. Which one of your friends acts the most like you?
:none.im one in a million.
17. When you cried the most who was there?
:no one.dunch display public emos.
18. What's the best feeling in the world?
:feeling contented.
19. Worst Feeling?
:to still love dat sumone even tho he hurt me badly.
20. What time is it now?
:7.22pm.
--------WHICH IS BETTER----------
21. Chocolate or vanilla: chocs.
22. Coke or Pepsi: neither
23. Love or Lust:love.
24. Sprite or 7UP: sprite
25. Girls or Guys: both are equal.
26. Scruff or Clean shaved: i wuld say clean but so far all ive got is scruff.
27. Blondes or Brunettes: blondes.
Tall or short: definitely tall. hate short guys.
29. movies day or night: nite.
-------WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX------
31. What do you notice first: e eyes...den smile...
32. What type of girl/guy do you like: sumone who;s not irritating is fine wif me.
----------THE LAST TIME YOU...-----
33. took a shower: 5plus juz now.
34. Last time you cried: juz now.met him.
-----WHO-----
35. Makes you smile: depends. mostly nana n frens. irul n cuzzin.
36. Who can make you smile no matter what: irul n his cuzzin.
37. Has a crush on you: dunch wana noe.
38. Are you in love right now: seriously. dunch noe. im afraid to get hurt again.
--------DO YOU EVER--------
39. Sit by the phone waiting for a phone call: yesh.stupidly.
40. Save AIM conversations: is dat lyk saving msn msgs? nah...
41. Wish you were someone else: almost everyone who's not paris hilton or brad pitt wishes dey were sumone else.
42. Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: wuld dat make living easier?
43. Wear perfume: duh.
44. Go online for longer than eight hours at a time: used to. but now..nah.
--------WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...---------
45. That you saw: didi.
46. You talked to: amy.
47. You hugged: irul.
48. You instant messaged: no one.
--------DO YOU?-------
51. Color your hair: yesh. thot of going for highlights.
52. Have tattoos: plentiful.
53. Have piercings: jus e earlobes.
54. Have on lipstick: NEVER.
55. Own more than 10 pairs of flip flops: nah.
56. Like someone: dunch noe.
57. Hate someone: nah.
58. Have any money on you: thankfully.yesh.
03 August, 2006
fairytale
im now so in love wif dis song. juz watchin e video clip gifs u some ideas what its all about. from wat i heard its from a movie. not sure wat thou. aniwaes.its 'Fairytale' in english. basically dis is wat e song says:
I have forgotten how long I have not listen to you
Telling me your favourite story
I have been thinking for a long time
I have started lying
Have I done something wrong?
* You were crying when you told me
Fairy tales are meant for cheating people
I could not be your prince charming
Maybe you could not understand
From the moment you said you love me
The stars in my sky became bright
# I am willing to (want to) (will) become the angel that you love in fairy tale
Spreading out my hands to be wings to protect you
You must believe that we will be like in fairy tale
Where the ending is happiness
Together writing our ending
aint dat swit? i luv e song from e video clip. e piano part is beautiful. n e closing werby e gal says sumthin, it means dat 'e whole world can ignore me but not u'.
trying to learn e song now. so dat at werk can sing. show off lah sikit. hehe.
aniwaes. its either i zip ma mouth. or shut ma eyes. or dunch drink at werk. ive got blardy craving for hot stuffs! cooked in soups. n no. im not pregnant. thank u veri much. nid a solution to dis before i balloon up. den all ma hard work would be wasted. im currently weighing 50kg. which also means ive put on 5 extra kilos. (aaaarrrrgggggghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!) halamak. time-time gini kalau si didi ader kan bagus. buat aku stress sikit ker. pikiran ker. aper2 lah. its e drinkin man. dehydratin me. makin me hungry. reali nid to haf sm self-control before i lose all ma willpower.
gona pay ma hp bill later. den going to e doc to get ma medication. halamak. duit lagik. seems like im spendin dem faster den im earnin. takder makner!! wat to do. dis is life. hope i get e job at shangrilla as casual labour soon. at least i'll be busy all day earnin money rather than feedin e hole wif food n lettin e fats multiply. god. now. im so much bigger than ma sis. she's lost a whole lotta weight. (nie sumer biaser. boipren nyer hal jgak.) n kipin it off. thou i wonder how she does it. da mkn takper. tknk berak lak tu. pedup aku. simpan taik lak dlm bdn. (perut da tak muat kalau sumer nak ilek dlm.)
yesterday. spent e nite wif irul. (sori nad. wen u called i wanted to tell u juz dat ive got no strength to. sleepin oreadi.) i was der by 3am. he came ard 4.30am. aper lagik. lepak ah. tunggu dia cam durian tak jatuh. im afraid dat we mite be facing sum problems. or dat im superb-ly highly sensitive. either way. im losin grip on e relationship. (yikesss!!) maybe wat nad says is true. i mite be better off without a boifren. fuck. its written in e lines on e palms rite? i'll be an old maid by e tym i get married. stress sakk.
its lyk he kips on sayin he luvs me blah blah blah. kinda swit but suspicious as well. everytime he spents e nite wif me, he wuld switch off his hp. dunch noe y. spotted dis 2-3 times oreadi but dunch wana kick up a fuss. yet. n wen he sleeps. he's not like didi who wuld hold me thru e nite. he's more lyk on his own. puas ati takyah tdo ngn aku. hamlao. n wen its tym to get up. juz so. goddamn. blardy. difficult. ngigao lain. halamak. usually dis is wat happens. i'd wake him up. tell him im gona shower. after im ready. wake him up again. n he wuld groggily say to me,'b u dah mandi? asl tak kejut?' halamak. mcm tape recorder sakk deknie. malas aku nak jawab. wen he's half asleep. he doesnt remember wat he said or does. bingit jek. da lah. dats e last nite im ever spendin wif him again. (nampak gaya mcm nak kena pai tao jek?!?)
im confused. dunch reali noe wat im after. fickle minded. (even he said so.)
help? anyone?
02 August, 2006
yesterday went to fortis to work. kevin's was having a slow nite. e farking new mamasan has a blardy attitude. kips on finding ma fault. n wen she's drunk. she fark cares bout anione else. man. its a drag to go to werk nowadays. 'cept dat wen money's concerned...
aniwaes. get back to e story. sat wif dis hongkong guy. u noe how chinese are superstitious n all. so he started reading ma palms. interesting facts discovered. seems like i've a long relationship wif ma 1st love(kinda true). but ma 2nd love wuld be shortened(so not looking forward to dis). n i wuld get married to ma 2nd love but divorced. n back to ma 1st love. (kelakar per?!?!) it seems dat i oreadi haf a son(where???) n ma career will end wen im 50 plus. seems ive got enuf to last a lifetime. i'll onli get married wen im 26-27 (tua siol!!!). n behind every successful man ders a woman who apparently wuld be me. wakhakha. e onli thing i like bout dis whole palm-reading is i got a son. dats all. hehe.
me n irul. things are ok. not as in we've got problems or anything. juz dat it seems dat we're still new to each other. so we still haf to get accustomed to each other. so yar. not reali big probs. 'cept for e fact dat he luvs makin me jealous. yelah. kau sachok pe. aku kan saper. haiz...
me n didi. he still doesnt want to settle dis e rite way. but last i heard is dat he did declare to e attitude guys dat we broke off. thou he still blamed me. even wen he's telling dem. wateva hadidi faizal. ure so out of ma life. change your farking attitude lah boy. im no pushover ya'noe???
aniwaes. get back to e story. sat wif dis hongkong guy. u noe how chinese are superstitious n all. so he started reading ma palms. interesting facts discovered. seems like i've a long relationship wif ma 1st love(kinda true). but ma 2nd love wuld be shortened(so not looking forward to dis). n i wuld get married to ma 2nd love but divorced. n back to ma 1st love. (kelakar per?!?!) it seems dat i oreadi haf a son(where???) n ma career will end wen im 50 plus. seems ive got enuf to last a lifetime. i'll onli get married wen im 26-27 (tua siol!!!). n behind every successful man ders a woman who apparently wuld be me. wakhakha. e onli thing i like bout dis whole palm-reading is i got a son. dats all. hehe.
me n irul. things are ok. not as in we've got problems or anything. juz dat it seems dat we're still new to each other. so we still haf to get accustomed to each other. so yar. not reali big probs. 'cept for e fact dat he luvs makin me jealous. yelah. kau sachok pe. aku kan saper. haiz...
me n didi. he still doesnt want to settle dis e rite way. but last i heard is dat he did declare to e attitude guys dat we broke off. thou he still blamed me. even wen he's telling dem. wateva hadidi faizal. ure so out of ma life. change your farking attitude lah boy. im no pushover ya'noe???