always.

29 August, 2007

dis is wat i've done so far to my lil baby.

devil in front...

daddy's angels at the back...

of coz my name has to be der..

and dat sexy bitch on e side....

...and NOT MORE den 2 pax oni

more decals soon...any ideas??

25 August, 2007

i find dis song so damn appropriate for me rite now.

Lari lari lari
aku lari tinggalkan semua ini
Untuk mencari-cari
cari ketenangan diri

Pergi pergi pergi
engkau pergi dari hidupku ini
Ku tak mahu mahu
engkau hadir dalam diri ini

Keluhan hatiku tak siapa yang tahu
Ku simpan semua sebak didada
Biarpun ku yang terluka
Pernahkah kau mengerti caraku memujukmu
Pernahkah kau hargai caraku mencintaimu

Lafasan kata dari bibir
Adakah ia dari hati
Mungkin kau tak fahami maksud yang tesembunyi
Titisan airmata dari pipi ke bumi
Pernahkah kau peduli betapa sedih diriku ini

Mengapa aku yang terluka
Aku yang merana
Aku yang menahan sisa baki cinta ini
Engkau yang meminta
Aku yang sengsara
Rimas rimas Aku rimas

Tinggalkan seorang kecundang
Istana jiwaku goyang
Roboh dan tumbang
Sawanku lantang
Tidak berpantang
Letupnya siang siang
Bukannya alang kepalang
Datangnya perang
Dan bawaku ke jurang
Pulanglah sayang
Janji ku tatang
Ku hapuskan dalang
Dalangnya sayang
Sayangnya hilang
Hilanglah garang
Garangku terbang melayang
Terbongkangku terbang kau terhoyong-hayang
Tak pandang belakang
Terkankang gilaku tak diundang
Ku rapuh semua tak bertiang
Janjiku kini kan bertulang

Lari lari aku lari tinggalkan
Tuk mencari
Untuk mencari ketenangan
Aku pergi tinggalkan
Tinggalkan kau sendiri
Ku pergi..kini ku pergi
Tinggalkan mu sendiri...

24 August, 2007

andy told me something today.
while irul went MIA on me, dey were always outside, sumwer, together wif rini.

he & rini had feelings for each other.
during e 1mth plus i wasnt der. e whole time i wasnt der.
dey wanted to get together.

i used to believe he wuldnt cheat on me coz he lufs me.
but now...

i juz knew it. i had a filing about it. my guts told me so.
no wonder dat bitch kips on contacting him and messaging him. even wen i was around.

now she contacts his mum. good. kicking me out of his life once and for all.

it takes two to tango.

andy even confessed dat he actuali wanted dem to get together at 1st.

so many things revealed now.
it aint enuf how much he has hurt me..
he has to hurt me even more now?

why dis has to happen to me?
why?

22 August, 2007

i dreamt of him again last nite. i dreamt it was his last day outside, n him telling me to wait for him. i said i wuld. den i remembered andy telling me dat actuali all dis while he wasnt at andy's house(fact). he was sumwer else. during e tym he went MIA on me. i confronted him and we fought. in my dream.

all dis while i thot he was sleeping over at andy's house, he was actuali lying to me. andy confessed.

his mum wants me to leave him. saying he's not worth it. dun tink i duno dat? but no one can explain matters of e hart. everyone wants me to leave him. n wen i was determined enuf not to, he told his mum to tell me dat if i cant wait, its ok. since he didnt tink much of dis relationship, why shuld i?

why shuld i?

coz i loved him. i was lost wen he disappeared.

den i found out all dis while he was lying to me. lying. one thing i cant stand. liars. along told me dat he's full of lies.

i didnt want to believe it at 1st. but things are pouring out now.

his mum said his sentence is 2yrs. culd i wait?

i culd if i want to. 2yrs is e tym i nid for NIE. dat is if i'm still safe out here.

i cant handle another relationship. my hart hurts too much, after one big breakup till another.

irulsha lasted 13mths. dats my 2nd longest relationship.

how culd anyone expect me to forget him?

i wana c him. talk to him. feel him. but i cant.

ders restraining orders.

i juz hope he knows how much i missed him. so much... dat it hurts. i missed having him beside me. i missed e old anwar. i missed him before all dis happened. i missed my old boyfriend, e one i fell in love wif.

even thou he's hurt me, it hurts me even more dat i gota leave.

so dat no one else gets hurt.

i fil so lost.

e closeness we once shared...

13mths...

18 july 2006 - 6 aug 2007

20 August, 2007

his mum text me juz now. saying dat we can visit him tomorrow at 10am. and dat he wana see me. but only 3 person's allowed to go, and dat is his mum,dad and lil baby adho.

thou im still extremely disappointed n upset wif him, part of me wana go n c him. i missed him. every single day my thots are filled wif him.

but i noe its wrong. its wrong for us to be together. its written in our stars we arent meant 2b. mak long helped me "see". she said he's been lying to me alot all dis while. he aint true to me. if we are still adamant bout being together, we'll both b in huge trouble. trouble we bring to ourselves. its better dat i stay away.

even my parents are against us being together. almost everyone i noe is against us being together. why am i still so stubborn? why hadnt i learnt anything from dis?

but i missed him. alot. a whole damn lot. and my hart fils heavy juz thinking bout him and tomorrow.

16 August, 2007

back home. bought a new wallet. carlo rino. costed me bout 50bux. sale mahhx. haix. but all my cards cant go in. i didnt wana get a long one coz im sick of all e long wallets i used to haf. love at 1st sight wif dis wallet but alas, not all my cards can go in even thou ders so many slots.

i love e design!

close up of e inside.

see?? alot of useless compartments. not even filled yet. now its bulging lyk a fat pig sitting on its hind legs. hmphhh. shuld haf gotten a long one. or one dat is bigger. haix. no point larh saying all dis now.

n by e way, if u noticed, e quality of my pix aint dat good. dats coz i juz bought my dream fone, w580i, n its camera is lyk oni 2mp. unlike my cybershot one. but i had to let go of e cybershot one fast coz value is dropping lyk crazy!

to refresh ur memory....

so i traded in cybershot n bought dis one. of coz, dis is not a pix of my fone, juz a dummie. but dis e color i chose and e walkman player is excellent. its so loud dat waking up in e mornings aint a problem anymore! i love dis phone!!!

i've not been sleeping well dis few days. tossing n turning. too much thinking. im up by 5.30 am, everyday, getting dressed to go to school, even thou classes starts at 1030am. i cant juz lie down, pretending to sleep. its too hard. one of dis days, i might juz die on e road whilst driving to school. almost had 2 accidents e day before yesterday. even lynn says i tink too much.

e ordeal aint over yet.

going to school everyday is a drag for me. i've become an anti-social wif as lil frenz as possible. which sux. alot. n its not lyk i wana isolate myself, but i fil lyk a black sheep in e classes. n 3 diff classes had a whole different lot of people. haix.

i still wana go to school and study and everything but my social status is making me depressed lyk crazy. being a social outcast is not wat i had in mind.

i dragged my feet around in school during break times to past e time. i had lunch on my own. e empty feeling filled my already-hollowed hart, and it hurts.

kinda pointless i bought e new phone. except for my family, no one calls me anyways.

i fil so lost. i am lost.

after e incident, i've come to realize how much my parents love me. how much my sis loves me. and how much i nid dis family. how i culd ever find e hart to leave dem in dat period of tym is beyond me. if only i had listened to dem, den maybe i wuldnt haf had to suffer.

i was so stupid to let love blind me dat way.

havent i learnt anything at all?

**********************
atas nama cinta... hati ini tak mungkin terbagi
sampai nanti... hingga aku mati cinta ini hanya untuk engkau
atas nama cinta... kurelakan jalanku merana asal engkau akhirnya denganku
ku bersumpah ...atas nama cinta

15 August, 2007

it has been pretty long since i last updated. simply dead tired. and simply has no time. 3 wks worth of e journey dat ive been thru has been e biggest trauma of my life wich i can never disclose.

how much ive been tormented and torn apart; and by e onli person whom i thot wuld stick wif me thru thick n thin, has been e one to haf caused it all. e one person who made swit promises. e one person i gave my all to.

by greed. selfishness. self-centeredness. how a person can change so much in e flick of e eye.

his kins puts e blame on me. e pointing fingers game. no point saying it all now.

but i'll never be mad. nor angry. nor hatred filled me.

all i feel now is torn and lost. and extremely disappointed. no words can ever describe how i fil now.

dis ends here now.


23 year old female scorpion. simple-minded gal who tends to make things reali complicated. i'm fairly organized [at tyms!!] & has beknowned to be a PERFECTIONIST. fav colors are apple green,red,orange & black. proud owner of apple green hyundai getz. appreciates nothing but e truth. known to be goddamn stubborn. license class 2b. to do a degree in english. more lots money!! lose weight!!! modify my green baby. be my fren. multiply me. nadia b. nadia. wanie. nina. ain. queenbee. zee exclusive. belo chix. xiaxue the blogger. the critic. ijat snake. 2006.04 2006.05 2006.06 2006.07 2006.08 2006.09 2006.10 2006.11 2006.12 2007.01 2007.02 2007.03 2007.04 2007.05 2007.06 2007.07 2007.08 2007.09 2007.10 2007.12 2008.01 2008.10 2008.12 2009.02 smacked.	29 August, 2007 dis is wat i've done so far to my lil baby. devil in front... daddy's angels at the back... of coz my name has to be der.. and dat sexy bitch on e side.... ...and NOT MORE den 2 pax oni more decals soon...any ideas?? 9:17:00 AM · 25 August, 2007 i find dis song so damn appropriate for me rite now. Lari lari lari aku lari tinggalkan semua ini Untuk mencari-cari cari ketenangan diri Pergi pergi pergi engkau pergi dari hidupku ini Ku tak mahu mahu engkau hadir dalam diri ini Keluhan hatiku tak siapa yang tahu Ku simpan semua sebak didada Biarpun ku yang terluka Pernahkah kau mengerti caraku memujukmu Pernahkah kau hargai caraku mencintaimu Lafasan kata dari bibir Adakah ia dari hati Mungkin kau tak fahami maksud yang tesembunyi Titisan airmata dari pipi ke bumi Pernahkah kau peduli betapa sedih diriku ini Mengapa aku yang terluka Aku yang merana Aku yang menahan sisa baki cinta ini Engkau yang meminta Aku yang sengsara Rimas rimas Aku rimas Tinggalkan seorang kecundang Istana jiwaku goyang Roboh dan tumbang Sawanku lantang Tidak berpantang Letupnya siang siang Bukannya alang kepalang Datangnya perang Dan bawaku ke jurang Pulanglah sayang Janji ku tatang Ku hapuskan dalang Dalangnya sayang Sayangnya hilang Hilanglah garang Garangku terbang melayang Terbongkangku terbang kau terhoyong-hayang Tak pandang belakang Terkankang gilaku tak diundang Ku rapuh semua tak bertiang Janjiku kini kan bertulang Lari lari aku lari tinggalkan Tuk mencari Untuk mencari ketenangan Aku pergi tinggalkan Tinggalkan kau sendiri Ku pergi..kini ku pergi Tinggalkan mu sendiri... 1:44:00 AM · 24 August, 2007 andy told me something today. while irul went MIA on me, dey were always outside, sumwer, together wif rini. *he & rini had feelings* for each other.** during e 1mth plus i wasnt der. e whole time i wasnt der. dey wanted to get together. i used to believe he wuldnt cheat on me coz he lufs me. but now... i juz knew it. i had a filing about it. my guts told me so. no wonder dat bitch kips on contacting him and messaging him. even wen i was around. now she contacts his mum. good. kicking me out of his life once and for all. it takes two to tango. andy even confessed dat he actuali wanted dem to get together at 1st. so many things revealed now. it aint enuf how much he has hurt me.. he has to hurt me even more now? why dis has to happen to me? why? 11:13:00 PM · 22 August, 2007 i dreamt of him again last nite. i dreamt it was his last day outside, n him telling me to wait for him. i said i wuld. den i remembered andy telling me dat actuali all dis while he wasnt at andy's house(fact). he was sumwer else. during e tym he went MIA on me. i confronted him and we fought. in my dream. *all dis while i thot he was sleeping over at andy's house, he was actuali lying to me. andy confessed.* his mum wants me to leave him. saying he's not worth it. dun tink i duno dat? but no one can explain matters of e hart. everyone wants me to leave him. n wen i was determined enuf not to, he told his mum to tell me dat if i cant wait, its ok. since he didnt tink much of dis relationship, why shuld i? why shuld i? coz i loved him. i was lost wen he disappeared. den i found out all dis while he was lying to me. lying. one thing i cant stand. liars. along told me dat he's full of lies. i didnt want to believe it at 1st. but things are pouring out now. his mum said his sentence is 2yrs. culd i wait? i culd if i want to. 2yrs is e tym i nid for NIE. dat is if i'm still safe out here. i cant handle another relationship. my hart hurts too much, after one big breakup till another. irulsha lasted 13mths. *dats my 2nd longest relationship.* how culd anyone expect me to forget him? i wana c him. talk to him. feel him. but i cant. ders restraining orders. i juz hope he knows how much i missed him. so much... dat it hurts. i missed having him beside me. i missed e old anwar. i missed him before all dis happened. i missed my old boyfriend, e one i fell in love wif. even thou he's hurt me, it hurts me even more dat i gota leave. so dat no one else gets hurt. i fil so lost. *e closeness we once shared...* 13mths... 18 july 2006 - 6 aug 2007 2:12:00 PM · 20 August, 2007 his mum text me juz now. saying dat we can visit him tomorrow at 10am. and dat he wana see me. but only 3 person's allowed to go, and dat is his mum,dad and lil baby adho. thou im still extremely disappointed n upset wif him, part of me wana go n c him. i missed him. every single day my thots are filled wif him. but i noe its wrong. its wrong for us to be together. its written in our stars we arent meant 2b. mak long helped me "see". she said he's been lying to me alot all dis while. he aint true to me. if we are still adamant bout being together, we'll both b in huge trouble. trouble we bring to ourselves. its better dat i stay away. even my parents are against us being together. almost everyone i noe is against us being together. *why am i still so stubborn? why hadnt i learnt anything from dis?* but i missed him. alot. a whole damn lot. and my hart fils heavy juz thinking bout him and tomorrow. 11:27:00 AM · 16 August, 2007 back home. bought a new wallet. carlo rino. costed me bout 50bux. sale mahhx. haix. but all my cards cant go in. i didnt wana get a long one coz im sick of all e long wallets i used to haf. love at 1st sight wif dis wallet but alas, not all my cards can go in even thou ders so many slots. i love e design! close up of e inside. see?? alot of useless compartments. not even filled yet. now its bulging lyk a fat pig sitting on its hind legs. hmphhh. shuld haf gotten a long one. or one dat is bigger. haix. no point larh saying all dis now. n by e way, if u noticed, e quality of my pix aint dat good. dats coz i juz bought my dream fone, w580i, n its camera is lyk oni 2mp. unlike my cybershot one. but i had to let go of e cybershot one fast coz value is dropping lyk crazy! to refresh ur memory.... so i traded in cybershot n bought dis one. of coz, dis is not a pix of my fone, juz a dummie. but dis e color i chose and e walkman player is *excellent.* its so loud dat waking up in e mornings aint a problem anymore! i love dis phone!!! i've not been sleeping well dis few days. tossing n turning. too much thinking. im up by 5.30 am, everyday, getting dressed to go to school, even thou classes starts at 1030am. i cant juz lie down, pretending to sleep. its too hard. one of dis days, i might juz die on e road whilst driving to school. almost had 2 accidents e day before yesterday. even lynn says i tink too much. e ordeal aint over yet. going to school everyday is a drag for me. i've become an anti-social wif as lil frenz as possible. which sux. alot. n its not lyk i wana isolate myself, but i fil lyk a black sheep in e classes. n 3 diff classes had a whole different lot of people. haix. i still wana go to school and study and everything but my social status is making me depressed lyk crazy. being a social outcast is not wat i had in mind. i dragged my feet around in school during break times to past e time. i had lunch on my own. e empty feeling filled my already-hollowed hart, and it hurts. kinda pointless i bought e new phone. except for my family, no one calls me anyways. i fil* so lost. i am lost.* after e incident, i've come to realize how much my parents love me. how much my sis loves me. and how much i nid dis family. how i culd ever find e hart to leave dem in dat period of tym is beyond me. if only i had listened to dem, den maybe i wuldnt haf had to suffer. i was so stupid to let love blind me dat way. havent i learnt anything at all? ********************** atas nama cinta... hati ini tak mungkin terbagi sampai nanti... hingga aku mati cinta ini hanya untuk engkau atas nama cinta... kurelakan jalanku merana asal engkau akhirnya denganku ku bersumpah ...atas nama cinta 10:28:00 PM · 15 August, 2007 it has been pretty long since i last updated. simply dead tired. and simply has no time. 3 wks worth of e journey dat ive been thru has been e biggest trauma of my life wich i can never disclose. how much ive been tormented and torn apart; and by e onli person whom i thot wuld stick wif me thru thick n thin, has been e one to haf caused it all. e one person who made swit promises. e one person i gave my all to. by greed. selfishness. self-centeredness. how a person can change so much in e flick of e eye. his kins puts e blame on me. e pointing fingers game. no point saying it all now. but i'll never be mad. nor angry. nor hatred filled me. all i feel now is torn and lost. and extremely disappointed. no words can ever describe how i fil now. dis ends here now. 9:10:00 AM ·