frozen.tears

2009-02-08T03:04:00.003+08:00

"dun hate me, dun regret wat we had.
dun forget me
& dun ever say i never loved u
coz u noe i did..."

i cant remember e reason why i stopped writing in blog. i used to lurve pouring out every single details of my oh-so-drama life. sometimes i wonder is dis for me or others to read?

all i haf in mind is dat dis is a perfect reminder of who i was, am & wants to be. juz imagine if one day, amnesia hits me n nobody reali noes who i am; or worse ders no one i can trust wif in telling me e truth abt me, all dis journals wuld be a great help. its part of who i am, even thou der r parts dats not written.

got dis idea from a sophie kinsela book, "Remember me?" its about a gal who erased out 3 yrs of her life, not remembering how & why she became e person she is now. its a gd read, but not so addictive as compared to all her other novels - shopaholics series. man i lurve those. read every single one.

a fren once said, shes far too unrealistic. always shopping!! deep inside me, i totally agreed. shes dis outrageous spendthrift wif e nid to go on a shopping diet. yet luckily for her, found a partner who's rich & wealthy enuf to marry 3 of her. things like dis only happens in books eyy??

not reali. it happened to my sis didnt it?

good life, no work. gets all e tings she wants. juz by becoming someone's wife. hehe.

ooohhh!!! & also i've become an aunt too!!! born prematurely to both yusli & nico shafiqa,

e world welcomes e arrival of little NAUSHIN ALEXIS, 3 mths earlier den expected.

still at e hospy, getting help to breathe properly.

warmth of home.

dis lil' niece of mine is a tough cookie. e docs said she had no chance of surviving, but she did. & growing well now, even thou not chubby & fat as other babies. but she's fine. & so adorable!!!

juz looking at her can make my day. =))

my sis loves dressing her up & wearing for her headbands, coz people thinks she's a boy without it. hehe. but most clothes bought she cant wear yet coz she's super tiny, even some premie clothes r too big for her.

sometimes wen she gets really cranky she gets on ur very nerves..!! no patience during feeding time either.

even so,

dis lil angel is being loved by my mom & dad so much, dat dey had refused to come home to our own house n bunk in der instead, taking care of e baby at nite. sacrifices of e grandparents huh.

cnt wait till she's bigger so i can bring her out to play. now its e 'carrying & sleeping' period. not much fun yet. but i noe dis r e best days of a baby's life before dey learn how to walk & talk. *winkz* u noe wat i mean.

aniwaes. i cant remember why i stopped writing, wen i loved penning my tots so much. n everytime someting comes to mind, e damn comp is not in front of me. n by e time it is, i already forgotten my tots. haix. sometimes i pen it down in my organiser, which btw now is full of super personal tots i had, but e space is damn limited!! & i cant say it out on e net either. private.

see my plight??

updates on my "drama" life.
im now mending a betrayed & broken hart, which i dun wana go into details.

dis seems to be e story of my life thou.
fall in lurve for a long time. thinking its a serious relationship.evryting is good & swit.

den bam!

everyting goes down in e drain, & im left to fend for myself.

i started writing dis blog wen i was first wif my fiancee. was so in lurve. so proud of it. until everting goes wrg wen he decided to haf some fun on his own. so dat was gdbye den. it took awhile to get over. but eventually...

den came my other 'lifelong' boyfriend, irul. who saved me from insanity from losing my fiancee. always der, holding on. everyting was perfect. 'cept dat he had "revenge" embedded in his mind.

now im writing again, in a state of broken hearted.
dunno how many more to come.
der goes my hope of a happy ending.

no more hoping la.
juz take e day as it comes la.
dats e best i cn do nw...

nitez.

2008-12-04T12:01:00.011+08:00

i'm a year older now.

uuurrrggghhh.

why cant it stop at 21?

been wanting to upload pix to my blog & been trying to also actively be writing in it,

but i'm juz tooooooooo tired!

xcuses of e city people, i noe.

been bunking in wif sis at her plc actually dis past few wks.

in fact whole family is.

aniwaes, some pix from my bday outing.

me & sis camwhoring while waiting for movie 007 to start at Great World City.

courtesy of daddy & company for arranging a family outing on my bday. =)

after movie, we went to vivo city to haf dinner at Earl Swenson's. a lil bit more high-class than normal swenson's.

me & my bday cake, which seemed to haf disappear in e pix.

no bday gifts from anyone thou. =((

guess i am a lil too old for anything.

OMG. I AM 23 YRS OLD. 23. DAT'S 7 YRS OFF TO E BIG 30!!!!

wat haf i been doing for e past 22 yrs???

der's not much time left!!!!

u mite tink i'm having a midlife crisis juz abt now.

i guess i am. a lil bit.

i'll tell u why....

yes people. my one & only younger sister is married already.

(actually its been 7 mths now...)

married!!

my younger sis!!

blissfully bethrothed to her 5-yrs boyfriend, yus.

& yes, dats me in e middle.

no one beside me.

juz me all alone.

at 23.

how depressing is dis?!?!?

me & bubblez...

to e guy's side we go...

of coz i was very happy dat my sis found someone who culd love & take care of her.

& my parents adore my adik ipar too.

i juz wish it culd happen to me also......someday.

im 23, for god's sake! & e clock's ticking.

not slowly, i'm afraid.

& eversince sis got married, i've suddenly taken over her place as e baby in e family.

no more staying home alone....

daddy sends & picks me up wereva i wana go.....

no more piercings or tattoos allowed - orders from sis & mummy......

still thinking of having fun in e sun....

best of all,

pampered by mummy, daddy & sis! =)

der are pros & cons of it all.

also comes e pressure from relatives asking wen's my turn.

dun ask.

i dunno!!!

dun wana worry bout it first.

signing out,

2008-10-04T06:10:00.004+08:00

its been a long time since dis pg been sleeping.

time to wakey-wakey.
start working on my language development & vocabulary perfection.

as if.
but so wat?
its my blog.

i write wat i wana.

not today tho.
too many ideas. too lil time.

dun we always haf dat prob? tee-hee.

btw, selamat hari raya aidilfitri. maaf zahir & batin.
tak kira, puase ke tk.
kita tk pilih kasih. =))

till den.

*note to self: revamp pg & update info details. uurrgghh.
so last year.

2008-01-21T22:15:00.000+08:00

i noe dis entry has been long overdued. aint got much to blog nowadays.
got me thinking bout something thou few wks ago.

seriously. how many of u mind dating a younger guy?
(dis only applies to females btw...)

wen i was younger, i used to think dat dating older guys were cool. especially those who are years above u. during my sec sch days, i had a galfren who dated a guy younger den her. she was in sec3, n him in sec2. n wenever dey are together, my mind is screaming, "OMG. HE'S WEARING SHORTS XIA.............................".

like seriously. thou i never mentioned it out loud (who am i to judge rite.....)

but those days, dating older guys were a 'thing' for us gals. ok. same age still considered ok la.
but younger??

no way.

now dat im older, i've come to realise dat age dun reali matter. S-E-R-I-O-U-S-L-Y.

AND dis is SO NOT becoz im wif one rite now, but becoz now, i fil dat chemistry between both parties is even more important den anything else.

not to mention dat most older guys dun act their age and are juz egoistic bastards, loving e control dey haf over us younger weaklings.

from experience, being engaged to an older guy has taught me a very desirable lesson i will never forget. even thou he was older den me, and "supposedly" to be more matured, sadly he wasnt at all. in fact, my greatest disappointment was him. sometimes i fil like im his toy puppet which he controls within his powers. urgh.

and amidst e breakup of my engagement, i met someone new. someone younger den me by 7mths. but he dun look younger; nor does he behave like a 12-yr-old kid. in fact, he was quite matured in his thinking, even prepared in taking our relationship to greater levels.

a mth plus if us being together, he introduced me to his family. and i was warmly welcomed to be part of dem. (most guys wuld take half to a year, and even den still tries to put off meeting e family....)

amazed?

dun be.

younger guys has been proven to be even more sensitive to female's feelings and needs. thou sometimes it felt like u're leading e relationship, it may not always be a bad thing.

in fact, dun we all love e power we haf over our guys? =)

knowing irul has thot me dat being wif younger guys dun necessarily mean a bad thing. e chemistry dat we haf is amazing; something not many people haf. n even thou we're apart for dis period of time, juz by corresponding thru letters is enuf to noe how we truly feel about each other.

based on other experiences too, i've been out wif some other younger guys in e past. n yes, dey haf proven to be even more caring and sensitive den most older guys are.

so e next time wen a younger guy approaches u, dun diss him for his age. yet. instead, find dat chemistry between u, n work from der.

BUT. if he's still acting like his age plus being super moronic, den big NO-NO. and if he looks his age (which wuld make him look younger den u) den forget it. u wuld end up looking like e older sister and a younger brother out on a shopping trip.

eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww.

e cons thou, i might add is dat dey are not really ready for a committed relationship yet. serious issues-talks dun work wif dem. dey juz simply dun bother. dey are exactly wat u nid wen e time comes for u to fil young all over again. juz fun n games all day. stress-free. it gets frustrating at times but coz dey are 'younger', dis tings dun matter till years later.

and unfortunately, we gals mature faster (or so dey say), so we tend to get all worked up and motherly over commitment issues once in awhile.

believe me. 8 out of 10 gals are e ones asking their guys wen culd dey finally tie e knot or wer is e relationship going.

mind u. i said 8 out of 10, so 2 are still witholding their dignity as females.

oh well. we cant help it; we're females! we're inborn wif dis irritating but useful traits ey...we plan wat our future holds, while guys go ahead wif wat dey tink is best at e mo...n use their brains later.

bummer. i noe.

someone told me before dat wen u're looking for a life partner, make sure he's 7 yrs older den u. coz dat seems to be e right wavelength for our overdeveloped-self n their slowly- making-it maturity levels.

hmph.

somehow, im beginning to realize this theory is crap. coz ive seen it wif my own eyes hw bullshitty older guys truly are. besides, dey look far too old for e gal, making dem look like a "sugar daddy" kinda relationship.

urggh. not exactly a match made in heaven rite??

haix. still.

at e end of e day, it's still e chemistry dat i b searching for.

n yesh truly...dat chemistry has kept us going strong thruout e storms which came crashing upon our helpless souls... yet together, we're holding on and looking forward to e day e sun will shine brightly upon us once again...

pray for us aites? =p

2007-12-19T18:58:00.000+08:00

i hereby declare dat i'm OFFICIALLY bored.

1. what is the one birthday present that you would really like to have?
-my beby boy to come home in feb..dat was my bday wish dis yr..

2. are you happy with the person that you are currently attached to now?
-i wuld be even happier if he was here wif me... ='(

3. do you have mixed feelings everytime?
-yar. always.

4. do you think you'll die young?
-life n death is in HIS hands.

5: what do you think about most?
-will he be able to come home in feb..

6. would you be happier with a sensitive guy or a loud guy?
-lil bit of both. cannot be too sensitive or too loud.

7 . do you expect your BF to give you red roses on Valentines' Day?
-nahh. juz be wif me on dat day is enuf.

8 . wentworth miller or brendon urie?
-absolutely no idea.

9. audrey kitching or tyra banks?
-banks.

10 . do you make friends easier with girls or guys?
-dun judge me k. but i think guys.

11. do you easily fall for sweet talks from guys?
-noway!

12. why do you think guys cheat alot?
-coz dey wanna be official man whores.

13. by what age do you think you'll get married?
-hopefully dis 080808 will happen for us..insyAllah

14. is there any particular guy that you are interested in but are shy in making the first move?
-nahh.

15. any feelings for your ex?
-dat man whore? juz pure hatred.

2007-12-11T11:32:00.000+08:00

short entry for now.... new mommy n baby are safe and sound at home now. baby is now 4 days old n we cant get enuf of him. quite a quiet baby. not much of crying n stuff...hehe. k still early to judge lah. damn cute lah dis boy.

my lil 'nephew' has been named! after his late grandpa (irul n nisha's dad)....

born 7th Dec 07 @ 0838pm...

le familia erzaNisha

congrats to my future 'sis-in-law' n hubby, erzan.

"may danny grow up to be someone useful n successful; loved much by everyone around him & menjadi anak yg soleh. "

Amin.

2007-12-08T01:49:00.000+08:00

for 2 days we been waiting for his arrival. for 2 days we been at SGH. and finally at 8.40pm juz now...

it has been a long labour for nisha...poor her. but it's worth e pain. =)

dis baby's name has not been decided yet but some ideas has come up...

erzaNisha's bundle of joy....few hours...

and now, i've became an aunt!! awww....tumpang ah kan... best gitu kan da ade baby....

niwaes we culdnt touch him yet coz he's actually 2 weeks early and has difficulty breathing so he's in for observation for awhile. guess tomorrow we be up close and personal wif him.

congrats to nisha n erzan for e beautiful bundle of joy...

2007-12-03T23:44:00.000+08:00

its been damn long since i last blogged.

has got writer's block. [mcm paham!]

aniwaes. i noe dis is like waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy long overdued.

but....

on e nite of 15th nov 2007....

at cash studio

den came midnite, 16th nov 2007....i turned 22!!

still hoping it wuld come true!!!

den syed n sis presented me my bday gift....

which was.....

thanx to mami, daddy, sis n syed (for helping dem to find) for my psp!!!

so den, we cut e cake n shared around....

bit more camwhoring...

...before we left for

double O for it was ladies nite...

we danced e nite away n got abit pissed....

oh well. no one remembers taking alot of pix while having fun. furthermore, my phone cam sux! i'm sooooooo gona change it soon.

wateva. i'm 22.

urrrggghhh!

and at 22, i'm playing wif PSP. judge me if u want, i dun care. i'm having much fun wif my Sims 2.

hehe. =)

2007-10-23T11:09:00.000+08:00

yesterday was his televisit.
& finally. finally, i got to see him.
after 2 long mths o get to see him.

gawd. i've missed him so much.
i missed him so damn much.
i'm missing him even now as i'm writing dis.

at first we both were too shy to talk to each other.
malu2 lah gitu. =)

his hair is short now. and black. hehe.
& he's building up his bod again.
he looks much, much better.
he looks like my old anwar.
e one i met a year ago.

den we exchanged afew words.
his smiles are e greatest 15th mth anniversary gift he culd ever gif me.
he asked if i missed him.
of coz i did!!

and he said i'm chubby.
hmph.
da agak da. bacin tul.

ooh. and he told mama to bring me every visit.
if can.
tee-hee.
to which mama responded,
why not juz chg e perm person.
chg it to me so dat she dun haf to come always.
and he said no.
mum first.
alah cute lah dia.

den mama told him bout his sentence.
his later released date.
e appeal didn't get thru.
he was sad.

reali, reali sad.

but we told him, we'll try harder.
we'll do anything else we can.

den he said to me, "B, i duduk setahun seh b."
i said i already noe. den he shrugged.
mama told him to be patient.
& pray.

it hurts to see him lyk dat.
to see his face suddenly fell.

if der's anything dat i can do, i wuld.
i reali wuld.

i wan him out e soon-est.
we've been away from each other far too long.

ya Allah.
please hear our pleads. please help us.
please release our loved one in feb.
e soonest u can.
please help us in dis moment.
hear our cries n pleads, please.
Amin.

2007-10-16T03:15:00.000+08:00

wishing all selamat hari raya aidil fitri.

not something to celebrate for me. right from the beginning.
even thou i've received letters from him & stuff.

more bad news were given to me by his mum e other day.

he wun b out till aug 08.

dats another 10mths.
10 long f**king mths.

we all expected in feb.
but he didnt get e program.

sedih lah.
2 bulan jek da pure torture.

apetah lagi 10mths???

kesian dia..
kesian me..

haishh.

im juz realli sad now.

i gez 080808 wun be happening for us.

is dis e fate dat God has written for me?
cant anything go right in my life?

2007-10-11T05:55:00.000+08:00

its thursday morning. 2 days more to syawal.
kudos to all those who have made it.
for those who didnt, its payback time.

raya used to be a day filled wif joys & happiness.
becoz as kid, its collecting money time.

hehe.

unfortunately. raya now means a hole in my pocket.
haix.
wat i wuld gif to be a kid again.

hurhur. tak malu lah pulak.

aniwaes.
last mon was his visit.
after dat i went to his mum's place after buka.
we had a lil talk. of coz der were tears.
but things are cleared now.

n yesh. she's letting us continue our relationship. =)
insyAllah, 080808 i be joining e fam.
insyAllah lah kan.

its gona be tough.
but we're hanging in der.

also, she gave me his first letter to me.
dated 8th sept.

he said he regretted it. regretted e tings dat has happened.
& he resolved to change.
he also asked for my forgiveness.

he also thot it was over between us.

finally, he said if my hart is still in dis relationship, he hopes to see me wen he's released.
we're hoping it's in feb.

after his visit.
his mum & sis says dat he's stronger now.
physically & emotionally.
he aint crying anymore. gez he listened to me.

hehe.

next visit is on the 22nd oct.
his mum says if der was someone to care for adho, she'd bring me.
but dis time round will b televisit.
meaning we wun c him in person.

u people cant be dat dumb.
gez by e word tele-visit.

hurhur.

den yesterday after school, i had another surprise.
i received another letter from him.
dis time addressed to najib's house.

dated 1st oct.

he wrote dat he's happy to hear from me.
every letter is like a present to him.
hehe. cute lah dekni.

he's really happy dat im gona wait for him & dat i'm not giving up dis relationship.
e reason he asked for e album back is coz he thot dat i wanted out.
now dat everything else is cleared, its easier to communicate.

well. damn im happy.
im elated! =D

towards e end, he wrote:
"Pls bear in mind dat every part of my life misses u. I can hardly wait until we are together again & der arent enuf words in dis world to tell how i fil bout u but maybe dis will. I sincerely appreciate, treasure & luf u so much my beby dwaft."

& he ended it wif:
"maybe u say u still want me
maybe u say dat u dun
maybe we say it was over
but beby i can't let u go"

sejak biler lah dia da jadi mat jiwang ni..
hehe.

n yesh. i cried.
again.

10mins before buka.
tapi tak sengaja pe.
kire ok lah tu.

as much as he misses me, i miss him twice as much.
maybe even more.

can hardly wait for his return too.

k now gota go mandi.
bising lah mak aku ni.
kalau menjawab, nanti batal lah pulak puase aku ni.

till den.

ps: did i mention dat e toyota wish total repair cost adds up to $11k? =(

2007-09-28T10:05:00.000+08:00

juz a short entry for now.

kudos to my bezfren, nadia, on news of her pregnancy...n yesh it's khairil's yusoff baby. 2mths along now...so by e time she gives birth, my hubby wuld be out too! (i hope!!!)

babe, wateva u decide to do next..i b der for u. lyk u always say to me, "if it makes u happy...". wateva it is, never let regret step into ur life wif wateva decision u made.

once again, congrats.

2007-09-26T23:59:00.000+08:00

today his granny passed away. while on the way home, lynNajib gave me a call...after dat his mum text me. by 9 i was already der.

at 1st i was terrified to mit all his relatives. my fears were uncalled for. i was welcomed veri much by lynNajib n all their cuzzins..

saw his mum...his sisters..his brother...'cept for khalid n his dad....

wen i was leaving for home, i hugged apeyadik..his aunt...said she actually wanted to call me and talk...i said juz call me, anytime....

after i salam his mum, she juz patted me...i duno wat dat means...

all i noe is dat im thankful everyone still treats me as one of dem even thou he's not ard... i juz hope i still remain family..

i mish him so much.

2007-09-25T01:04:00.000+08:00

yesterday met wif an accident while driving sis back home to bukit timah. had him on my mind....suddenly i blacked out. zoned out. e next ting i knew, i've hit e railings on e PIE expressway. eeeerrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how unlucky can a gal get in 2 farking mths?!?!

THE DAMAGED:

e cause of e impact on e front door. dented & scrapped.

further up infront. scrapped.

e whole front side. front tyre punctured & rim out of shaped.

close up of rim n tyre.

punctured back tyre & mis-shaped rim.

*
*
*
*
*
*

*
*

haha. juz freaking u out. dis e spare tyre nided to tow e car away.

hehe.

& we'll see u in a week's time.

dis by far has been e worst accident ever...oh god. dat culd happen to me. culd happen to us. imagined if e car was overturned, or lost of control. me & sis will be waving goodbye...i dread to think bout it. after dat i was traumatized n didnt drive again e whole day yesterday n today. am still very shooked up.

daddy has forbidden me to drive his car again. which sux. but ok coz he's not gona confiscate my car. BUT i still can't drive it yet. haf to stable myself & thots first.

total repair cost comes up to 3k plus as e front axle was broken by e impact & had to be replaced.

eeeeerrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

why is dis happening to me????

2007-09-22T13:58:00.000+08:00

lazy & hot sat afternoon. supposed to be doing my assignment essay. which i wanted to start on many, many decades ago. juz plain lazy larh. but gota do it today. mon's dateline. i nid to be more disciplined!!!!

its e 10th day to our fasting mth now. (only??) haha. i missed a week of it, restarted fasting only lyk yesterday. people lose weight wen dey fast but i put on a tremendous amount of fats on me..i cant even fit into my jeans!!! damn. damn. DAMN. i put on freaking, jolly well 10kg worth of fats in a mth ok. i weigh lyk 58kg now. f**k!F**K! (i'm fasting mind u.) now gota fast properly. wen i break fast gota control wat i eat. duno y, i seem to want to eat everything!!!

i'm fat. i'm huge. i'm enormous.

dead.

aniwaes. i watched avril on mtv e other day. & i so freeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaking lyk her attitude n style larh!!

i love her eyes & hair in dis pix.

obviously not her jump ok? its her dressing.

so as of yesterday, i kinda decided im gona go punk/rock chix ala avril style. haha. BUT im gona work it down slowly from e face all e way down to e clothes coz obviously i may nid some new pants dat screams 'avril'. my eyes are getting der, all kohl-black and smudged. nid to STOP cutting my hair lah for god's sake. which by e way is all black now. wif no hint of browns or reds or wateva. check it out in frenster if u want. looks weird at first but now trying reali hard to adapt to it.

bout him. no news yet 'cept dat i noe his letter to me has already arrived at his plc. i've yet to read it, but his mum promised me she'll give it to me after 8th oct, which is his next visit. dis is bcoz wateva he wrote in e letter is different from wat he said to his mum during his last visit. which is so weird considering dat he wrote e letter on 7th sept and his visit was on e 12th. so his mum gota ask him if he still meant everything he said or not blah blah blah b4 i can read e letter. (exhales...)

confusing? nemind. as long as i understand. hehe.

so far, i've send him 10pgs worth of letters. finally got his add from najib who got it from his mum. (shush!!!) oh well. she mite be preventing me from seeing him but she cant prevent my letters from reaching him rite? but najib said, e letters will only reach him in a wk or 2, so i gota be patient. i can kip on writing to him every single day, but for him to reply would be a little tougher coz it will only reach u in a mth. which kinda sux coz wateva i wrote wuld b old news den. n good in a way coz den by e tym he's out he shuld have written bout 9-10 letters. so i wun fil e drag too much. 1mth down. 8 to go.

hari raya dis year. aint got e mood to celebrate. dun even wana go geylang. dis year got own transport sum more but reali aint got e mood. i noe its only e 1st wk of e fasting mth n its too early to say anything...but i'm sure i'd still be mourning!!

aniwaes. dun let my moods get u2. gota start my essay now. really!

2007-09-15T23:30:00.000+08:00

1st of all, wishing all muslims peeps a hapi ramadhan..its been e 3rd day now. time flies real fast dun u tink? so aniwaes...for break of fast today...le familia went to...

damn huge restaurant, 2 floors and a veri huge capacity of dining tables. great for crowds.

and of coz places like dis comes wif....

great food!

and dis was like onli part of it.....

so u get e gist...

its buffet!!!!

eat all u want!!!

...and dis was wat we had...

der was no rice as der were too many people der and e top up took so long.....

so sis took some dim sum(paos) and her favourite oat prawns...

while i had sushi....

dad had dis cold, cold clams n such...

mummy joined him...

dats e meat of it....(yuck!)

and e disposed....

waiting for.....

for mummy to cut e meat....

den came e chix satay....which i didnt taste but mum said it was horrible!!!

so sis n me had some pizza....

...and somebody had to go n look stupid. hehe. =)

sis' dory wif mango sauce came....which she culdnt eat anymore...

yes...der are hot drinks der for fussy mums...hehe

and of coz dinner's never complete wif no desserts rite.....

afraid of all dat? u can opt for dis instead den.....

and i noe how people go crazy for buffet. damn kiasu lah.

take so much but never eat rite......

so ders always a reminder never to....

or u'd be fined. no kidding!

it costed us $120 for 4 but damn worth it. u can sit der till dey close up and no one will bother u. great service too. plates are always being cleared up after ure done so ur table will always haf a lot of space for ur other foods.

go crazy people!!!!

break fast @ sakura woodpark

2007-09-15T21:50:00.000+08:00

1st of all, wishing all muslims peeps a hapi ramadhan..its been e 3rd day now. time flies real fast dun u tink? so aniwaes...for break of fast today...le familia went to...

damn huge restaurant, 2 floors and a veri huge capacity of dining tables. great for crowds.

and of coz places like dis comes wif....

great food!

and dis was like onli part of it.....

so u get e gist...

its buffet!!!!

eat all u want!!!

...and dis was wat we had...

der was no rice as der were too many people der and e top up took so long.....

so sis took some dim sum(paos) and her favourite oat prawns...

while i had sushi....

dad had dis cold, cold clams n such...

mummy joined him...

dats e meat of it....(yuck!)

and e disposed....

waiting for.....

for mummy to cut e meat....

den came e chix satay....which i didnt taste but mum said it was horrible!!!

so sis n me had some pizza....

...and somebody had to go n look stupid. hehe. =)

sis' dory wif mango sauce came....which she culdnt eat anymore...

yes...der are hot drinks der for fussy mums...hehe

and of coz dinner's never complete wif no desserts rite.....

afraid of all dat? u can opt for dis instead den.....

and i noe how people go crazy for buffet. damn kiasu lah.

take so much but never eat rite......

so ders always a reminder never to....

or u'd be fined. no kidding!

go crazy people!!!!

2007-09-14T22:48:00.000+08:00

yesterday in sch, went browsing around in e bazaar and dis one booth was selling dis damn cool keychain larh!!! its one name den wen u turn it around u can get another name out of it!!! or ur own name wen u turn it around. damn damn cool!!

see dis my name rite?

wen u turn it around....

it spells his name!!!!

(for those who can't read *rolls eyes* its spelled anwar k....)

still blur????

der!!! can see clearly now???

damn damn cool larh!!! now we're entwined together. hehe.

he told his mum he wrote a letter for me. but it has yet to arrive... and he asked for our pix album and all his stuff back... i dunno y...

im afraid to read wat he has written... but i cant wait to read it also... i wana c him... so badly...

wats past is past... all forgotten now... i juz wan him...

but

i think he's reali trying to forget me...

8 more mths to go before he's release...its not dat bad.

it culd be earlier.

im waiting.

ive decided. i'll wait.

ive written him plentiful of letters... but i aint got his add...

nisha... if ure reading dis... pls... help me....

get me his add can....? ='(

2007-09-13T14:24:00.000+08:00

for my one & only...
1.His Full Name.
>>>md khairul anwar bin md rosli

2. How old?
>>>21 yrs old

3. How long it takes for you to be a Couple?
>>>few weeks i tink...

4. How special are you to HIM?
>>>only god noes.

5. How do you get to know HIM?
>>>met him coincidentally.

6. Do both of you wore the same colorof blouse on your 1st date?
>>>1st date? i tink we were wearing white...coincidental ok.

7. What is the first thing you did when you saw HIM?
>>>wen i 1st met him?smiled larr....

8. Do you like HIM while you both were still friends?
>>>a whole damn lot!!! =)

9. What can you describe about HIM on characters?
>>>he's possessive, a little crazy, very outspoken n veri veri farnie...n damn caring too.

10. Is he taller than you?
>>>he calls me his beby dwaft...=)

11. Ever give HIM a Birthday present?
>>>of coz...

12. Best Memories with HIM??
>>>too many...best of all, he was der to pik me up wen i was down...

13. Often receive surprises from HIM?
>>>hmmm...in wat sense??

14. Is he Working or Schooling?
>>>neither.

15. Is there anything about HIM can make you change for the better?E.g.behavior?
>>>he used to b veri patience n loved me to bits...but i abused dat. so wen he bcame e opposite i went crazy. so i tink e opposite thingy works.

16. Do you stay in the same Hometown as HIM?
>>>not for now. waiting for him to be released....

17. What can make you easily pissed off about HIM?
>>>sumtyms he juz wun listen!!!

18. Have you ever planned about your wedding in future?
>>>we had...we had it planned b4 he went in....for a wedding in december...but now i gez we gta wait till 080808, our initial planned date.

19. Name for your Babies?
>>>haha..nvr thot of dat b4...we oni planned to haf babies!!

20. Bad Memories with HIM?
>>>6th aug 2007.

21. Fight because of third party?
>>>hmmm. few tyms on both sides.

22. Embarrass HIM infront of the crowd?
>>>once. im sori beby.

23. What do you call HIM?
>>>beby, hunnie, chubek, swity, hubby...

24. Going Holidays with HIM before?
>>>not yet...

25. Is there anything you would want HIM to change?
>>>b e old guy i met a yr ago.

26. Where do both of you usually hangout?
>>>lotsa places...

27. Do you think hes HOT?
>>>he damn sure is!

28. Ever lie to HIM before?
>>>im sori beby....

29. Do you think he has a Happy Family?
>>>he has. onli he dint noe how to appreciate it.

30. Are you lucky to have HIM?
>>>i used to tink i was e luckiest....till e day he changed...

31. Do you like his favourite color?
>>>we both like white!

31. How long youve been together?
>>>dis 18th will b 14mths.

32. Does he Smoke/Drink?
>>>yup.

33. Whats your most favourite gifts given by HIM?
>>>bracelet wif our name on it. =')

34. What kind of Songs he prefer?
>>>he luvs all kinds of music!

35. Slapped HIM before?
>>>once.accidentally.

36. What kind of accessories,clothes and shoes you prefer HIM to wear?
>>>wat he wears now is fine...

37. Ever cook for HIM before?
>>>hehhe...never....

38. Whats his favourite bubble teadrink?
>>>he never drinks bubble tea...

39. Whats the last message you received from HIM?
>>>he told his mum if i wana wait i wait, if not its ok.... ='(

40. He pampered you too much?
>>>used to... ='(

41. Do you ever ask for break-up before?
>>>always.

42. He lie to you before?
>>>many times.

43. What kind of hair do you prefer HIM to have?
>>>short and blond.

44. Do you know his relatives?
>>>yep!!! we're family....

45. Does he ever wear some of your make-ups?
>>>i made him wear mascara once. hehe.

our 1st date.....

2007-09-05T20:06:00.000+08:00

its been a month long now since he's not been by my side. although he's done it before, dis tym felt even more worse. so many are asking me to forget him; circumstances wants me to leave him. i'm not dat strong. i'm not string wnuf to handle another failed relationship.

eveytime i'm at my sis' place, i cant even sit in my own room. i culd still feel his presence. i culd 'see' the happiness we shared in dat room.

najib says to give myself sometime. give myself 2-3 mths to adapt to this.

i seemed happy on e outside, careless to e world. but deep inside me, does anyone noes?
does anyone bothers?

i noe my parents are doing wat they think are e best for me. i noe they love me. eversince wat happened, i noe dey do.

me n him. we had so much ahead of us. we had everything planned.

all i'm waiting for is him to be released; a changed person. e person i met a year ago. i'll wait for 080808 to come....and if dat day passes by....den i'll juz moved on....

i think.

2007-09-02T04:34:00.000+08:00

e other day, sis had a crazy idea of going to an ice cream parlour after we had our lunch at bukit batok. of coz i'm very clueless as to places in singapore, as usual. she den suddenly remembered, somewer uptown in.....

der's an ice cream place.....

called ben & jerry's! now, dis place sells e best and expensive ice creams.

but. whaddehell!

dis is wer orders were taken...

and dis is juz 1 part of it!!! ders another booth filled wif other flavours which i didnt snap!

..for u to put on your ice creams....

and then around the ice cream bar, we discovered...

...pastries...

...and more pastries...

.........and........

oh god. sins and evil were awaiting e other side. hekz. but we didnt get any coz we were from lunch remember? so we juz drooled over e displays, wondering wen did ben & jerry's started selling pastries?? but den, our orders came.....

which is reali a small bowl filled wif 7 diff flavours for u to choose from, all packed into one. topped wif brownies and bananas and nuts. super-duper yummy-licious!!!!

and it only cost like 20bux!! i mean who spends 20bux on ice cream alone rite??

dis is way, way, way smaller den swensen's earthquake which costs less den 20bux, btw.

but its not like u get to indulge in dis kinda sin every single day...

and e atmosphere is beautiful and cosy. plop urself into one of their soft sofas or swinging benches and have a great afternoon wif ur frenz. plus, not much people are der which makes it super serene!!

now full already (and feeling very guilty!!!), on the way out of the carpark we saw dis!

yar parrots!! not even chained to e trees ok!! dey are like super trained larh. wun even fly away!! der were lots of dem in front of dis antique store. sis's bf thot dis shop was selling dem.

"yar, like parrots are antiques now is it????"

den dis 2 birds, oblivious to us, are busy kissing away!!! damn cute larh. thank god dey didnt harm us wen we took their pix. hehe.

RECOMMENDED: u guys shuld go der sumtym and experience dis. besides the ice cream parlaour der are several antique shops and bars. go! go! go!

2007-08-29T09:17:00.000+08:00

dis is wat i've done so far to my lil baby.

devil in front...

daddy's angels at the back...

of coz my name has to be der..

and dat sexy bitch on e side....

...and NOT MORE den 2 pax oni

more decals soon...any ideas??

2007-08-25T01:44:00.000+08:00

i find dis song so damn appropriate for me rite now.

Lari lari lari
aku lari tinggalkan semua ini
Untuk mencari-cari
cari ketenangan diri

Pergi pergi pergi
engkau pergi dari hidupku ini
Ku tak mahu mahu
engkau hadir dalam diri ini

Keluhan hatiku tak siapa yang tahu
Ku simpan semua sebak didada
Biarpun ku yang terluka
Pernahkah kau mengerti caraku memujukmu
Pernahkah kau hargai caraku mencintaimu

Lafasan kata dari bibir
Adakah ia dari hati
Mungkin kau tak fahami maksud yang tesembunyi
Titisan airmata dari pipi ke bumi
Pernahkah kau peduli betapa sedih diriku ini

Mengapa aku yang terluka
Aku yang merana
Aku yang menahan sisa baki cinta ini
Engkau yang meminta
Aku yang sengsara
Rimas rimas Aku rimas

Tinggalkan seorang kecundang
Istana jiwaku goyang
Roboh dan tumbang
Sawanku lantang
Tidak berpantang
Letupnya siang siang
Bukannya alang kepalang
Datangnya perang
Dan bawaku ke jurang
Pulanglah sayang
Janji ku tatang
Ku hapuskan dalang
Dalangnya sayang
Sayangnya hilang
Hilanglah garang
Garangku terbang melayang
Terbongkangku terbang kau terhoyong-hayang
Tak pandang belakang
Terkankang gilaku tak diundang
Ku rapuh semua tak bertiang
Janjiku kini kan bertulang

Lari lari aku lari tinggalkan
Tuk mencari
Untuk mencari ketenangan
Aku pergi tinggalkan
Tinggalkan kau sendiri
Ku pergi..kini ku pergi
Tinggalkan mu sendiri...

2007-08-24T23:13:00.000+08:00

andy told me something today.
while irul went MIA on me, dey were always outside, sumwer, together wif rini.

he & rini had feelings for each other.
during e 1mth plus i wasnt der. e whole time i wasnt der.
dey wanted to get together.

i used to believe he wuldnt cheat on me coz he lufs me.
but now...

i juz knew it. i had a filing about it. my guts told me so.
no wonder dat bitch kips on contacting him and messaging him. even wen i was around.

now she contacts his mum. good. kicking me out of his life once and for all.

it takes two to tango.

andy even confessed dat he actuali wanted dem to get together at 1st.

so many things revealed now.
it aint enuf how much he has hurt me..
he has to hurt me even more now?

why dis has to happen to me?
why?

2007-08-22T14:12:00.000+08:00

i dreamt of him again last nite. i dreamt it was his last day outside, n him telling me to wait for him. i said i wuld. den i remembered andy telling me dat actuali all dis while he wasnt at andy's house(fact). he was sumwer else. during e tym he went MIA on me. i confronted him and we fought. in my dream.

all dis while i thot he was sleeping over at andy's house, he was actuali lying to me. andy confessed.

his mum wants me to leave him. saying he's not worth it. dun tink i duno dat? but no one can explain matters of e hart. everyone wants me to leave him. n wen i was determined enuf not to, he told his mum to tell me dat if i cant wait, its ok. since he didnt tink much of dis relationship, why shuld i?

why shuld i?

coz i loved him. i was lost wen he disappeared.

den i found out all dis while he was lying to me. lying. one thing i cant stand. liars. along told me dat he's full of lies.

i didnt want to believe it at 1st. but things are pouring out now.

his mum said his sentence is 2yrs. culd i wait?

i culd if i want to. 2yrs is e tym i nid for NIE. dat is if i'm still safe out here.

i cant handle another relationship. my hart hurts too much, after one big breakup till another.

irulsha lasted 13mths. dats my 2nd longest relationship.

how culd anyone expect me to forget him?

i wana c him. talk to him. feel him. but i cant.

ders restraining orders.

i juz hope he knows how much i missed him. so much... dat it hurts. i missed having him beside me. i missed e old anwar. i missed him before all dis happened. i missed my old boyfriend, e one i fell in love wif.

even thou he's hurt me, it hurts me even more dat i gota leave.

so dat no one else gets hurt.

i fil so lost.

e closeness we once shared...

13mths...

18 july 2006 - 6 aug 2007

2007-08-20T11:27:00.000+08:00

his mum text me juz now. saying dat we can visit him tomorrow at 10am. and dat he wana see me. but only 3 person's allowed to go, and dat is his mum,dad and lil baby adho.

thou im still extremely disappointed n upset wif him, part of me wana go n c him. i missed him. every single day my thots are filled wif him.

but i noe its wrong. its wrong for us to be together. its written in our stars we arent meant 2b. mak long helped me "see". she said he's been lying to me alot all dis while. he aint true to me. if we are still adamant bout being together, we'll both b in huge trouble. trouble we bring to ourselves. its better dat i stay away.

even my parents are against us being together. almost everyone i noe is against us being together. why am i still so stubborn? why hadnt i learnt anything from dis?

but i missed him. alot. a whole damn lot. and my hart fils heavy juz thinking bout him and tomorrow.

2007-08-16T22:28:00.000+08:00

back home. bought a new wallet. carlo rino. costed me bout 50bux. sale mahhx. haix. but all my cards cant go in. i didnt wana get a long one coz im sick of all e long wallets i used to haf. love at 1st sight wif dis wallet but alas, not all my cards can go in even thou ders so many slots.

i love e design!

close up of e inside.

see?? alot of useless compartments. not even filled yet. now its bulging lyk a fat pig sitting on its hind legs. hmphhh. shuld haf gotten a long one. or one dat is bigger. haix. no point larh saying all dis now.

n by e way, if u noticed, e quality of my pix aint dat good. dats coz i juz bought my dream fone, w580i, n its camera is lyk oni 2mp. unlike my cybershot one. but i had to let go of e cybershot one fast coz value is dropping lyk crazy!

to refresh ur memory....

so i traded in cybershot n bought dis one. of coz, dis is not a pix of my fone, juz a dummie. but dis e color i chose and e walkman player is excellent. its so loud dat waking up in e mornings aint a problem anymore! i love dis phone!!!

i've not been sleeping well dis few days. tossing n turning. too much thinking. im up by 5.30 am, everyday, getting dressed to go to school, even thou classes starts at 1030am. i cant juz lie down, pretending to sleep. its too hard. one of dis days, i might juz die on e road whilst driving to school. almost had 2 accidents e day before yesterday. even lynn says i tink too much.

e ordeal aint over yet.

going to school everyday is a drag for me. i've become an anti-social wif as lil frenz as possible. which sux. alot. n its not lyk i wana isolate myself, but i fil lyk a black sheep in e classes. n 3 diff classes had a whole different lot of people. haix.

i still wana go to school and study and everything but my social status is making me depressed lyk crazy. being a social outcast is not wat i had in mind.

i dragged my feet around in school during break times to past e time. i had lunch on my own. e empty feeling filled my already-hollowed hart, and it hurts.

kinda pointless i bought e new phone. except for my family, no one calls me anyways.

i fil so lost. i am lost.

after e incident, i've come to realize how much my parents love me. how much my sis loves me. and how much i nid dis family. how i culd ever find e hart to leave dem in dat period of tym is beyond me. if only i had listened to dem, den maybe i wuldnt haf had to suffer.

i was so stupid to let love blind me dat way.

havent i learnt anything at all?

**********************
atas nama cinta... hati ini tak mungkin terbagi
sampai nanti... hingga aku mati cinta ini hanya untuk engkau
atas nama cinta... kurelakan jalanku merana asal engkau akhirnya denganku
ku bersumpah ...atas nama cinta

2007-08-15T09:10:00.000+08:00

it has been pretty long since i last updated. simply dead tired. and simply has no time. 3 wks worth of e journey dat ive been thru has been e biggest trauma of my life wich i can never disclose.

how much ive been tormented and torn apart; and by e onli person whom i thot wuld stick wif me thru thick n thin, has been e one to haf caused it all. e one person who made swit promises. e one person i gave my all to.

by greed. selfishness. self-centeredness. how a person can change so much in e flick of e eye.

his kins puts e blame on me. e pointing fingers game. no point saying it all now.

but i'll never be mad. nor angry. nor hatred filled me.

all i feel now is torn and lost. and extremely disappointed. no words can ever describe how i fil now.

dis ends here now.

2007-07-15T18:13:00.000+08:00

went to jb today to pump oil for my toy. 1st & last tym i'll ever go wif mummy. duno why she had to go so far juz to change money n pump e blardy oil. e process is juz go in, change money, pump oil nearby e exit to singapore n u're done. but she had to go to e oil station which is lyk so far inside! haix. & for a small toy lyk mine, an almost full tank costs me about rm65. which is more or less ok, more or less sg40. but will only last me for about 3-4 days, i tink. im feeling e pressure now. its been only 3 days since my payday but im gona max out soon. wonder how im going to hold dis all up.

den, on e way back home, went to sis place to pick her up...& gez wat we did?

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we had our navels pierced!!!

i was soooooooooooooooooooo terrified of doing it but sis convinced me it didnt hurt at all. n it actually didnt. it hurt juz a lil bit while e guy poked it thru. lyk a small sting. dats it. he had some difficulty coz i had not enuf fats he said. yar rite. coz my fats are all in e wrong places, dats why.

so now me n sis are practically twins right from our hair to our navels. (we had our hair dyed back to very dark brown & a stripe of red highlight in e fringe. & she cut it a lil shorter to make it e same length as mine. we're crazy. i noe. ) so we pierced it n bought e same navels studs too! her's is a red dragonfly while mine is pink. hey, its damn expensive ok. we bought e swarovski titanium crystal edition, which costs over a hundred bux. i noe im crazy. complaining bout now having enuf. but hey. dis might b e last ting i mite be able to afford to pamper myself wif.

so now im left wif losing more weight to match her,den we're ready to fool more people. hehe.

see how small her belly is??

2007-07-14T18:04:00.000+08:00

yarlar. bought a very expensive toy to play and drive around with. my dream car, hyundai tuscani...!!!!!

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yar. lyk u wuld believe dat.

same make different model can?? am a proud owner of apple green hyundai getz, released on 12th july 07. only 2 days old but my baby's been all e way to jb oreadi!! driven by daddy of coz. now, dun go thinking im blardy hell rich, coz im not. we bought dis baby so dat i can never go to NIE for classes in july late. expenses are shared between me, sis & dad. 70%, 20% & 10% respectively. im bearing for most of e expenses lyk road tax, season parking & such. daddy's helping wif e monthly installment by contributing 170bux, while sis...well. not sure wat she's gona contribute yet. maybe petrol.

so from now onwards no more shopping spree for me. *sob*sob.

with greater powers comes greater responsibility. u think???

so on our 1st nite out wif e car, sis brought me to da paolo bistro bar, an italian restaurant, at a secluded place at rochester park.

obviously the entrance & e restaurant's name. duhh.

beautiful ambience to accompany u thru out.

its actually a british bungalow which they rented and made into a bistro bar. its beautiful & cosy, like a home, 'cept u haf strangers walking in & out.

so we got bored waiting for e food...

...& finally

dis is wat i've been waiting for?!?!?!

i ordered dis lamb chop thingy which only had 3 anorexic stick lamb chops on it. & some veggie for deco, which u can absolutely eat.

sis ordered dis crayfish pasta, which looked kinda small but we couldnt even finish it. hurh. hurh.

den we had desserts. dis is actually a flourless choc cake, which is creamy-ly nice & sweet, & sis ordered smtg else which i didnt manage to get a pix of.

its fine dining without the very fine stuff. a cool place to chill for dinner & supper. prices are absolutely overpriced, so unless its a special occasion, restrain from going. tee hee.

niwaes, here's e add:
Da Paolo Bistro Bar
3 Rochester Park
Singapore 139214
(65) 6774 5537

its nearby e MOE building. juz go straight ahead & u will see the rochester park sign. ders valet parking, which costs 6 bux, if ure driving der. n i reali hope u are, cause as i've mentioned its in a secluded place.

2007-07-06T12:15:00.000+08:00

today marks e end of my malay classes. e new teacher has arrived. im gona miss my kids. everyday for these2 wks dey haf filled up my mornings and making me smile. now. empty.

n for e past few days, my life has been pretty empty. veri empty. it sux to noe dat u haf a boifren but he's not around. it sux to noe u haf a sister but she lives so far away. i cant b on my own. i'll go crazy.

it hurts wen ur bf doesnt noe dat. it hurts wen he spends so much time on his frenz. it hurts wen i aint his priority animore.

wat a girl's gotta do?

dats wat i did. every single day. i cried till my eyes were swollen. and wen he finally agreed to mit me yesterday, i was still crying. den sumthing had to happen. as if dis relationship doesnt haf enuf problems. for which i created most of.

irul. if u onli knew wat ure doing is hurting me n making me lonely, den maybe u wuld undestand.

but u dun. u wun.

i admit i was wrong. i was wrong to be led astray. but i was lonely. all u wanted was to quarel. and fight. and b wif ur frenz.

all i needed was juz a little attention from u.

im sori. i promise u dis. i wun repeat wat i did. no matter how lonely i get.

all im asking is for u to b who u used to b.

n love me.

is dat 2 much 2 ask for?

2007-07-04T13:29:00.000+08:00

wen i thot dis hart has been healed,
wen i thot he was e one for me,
wen i thot all my miseries were coming to an end,
god played a little trick on me.
...n now e person whom i thot loved me e most,
who once helped me healed my broken hart,
has become e one who broke it back into pieces,
and led me back to square one.

im drowned in my own tears,
every single waking moment.
tears dat were once frozen,
has now started to flow again...

2007-06-28T11:38:00.000+08:00

sumone emailed me dis. n in sum ways or others, heart wrenching n all, it's damn true.

wen u were 1 year old, she fed u and bathed u,
u thanked her by crying all night.
wen u were 2 years old, she taught u how to walk,
u thanked her by running away wen she called.
wen u were 3 years old, she made all ur meals wif love,
u thanked her by tossing ur plate on e floor.
wen u were 4 years old, she gave u some crayons,
you thanked her by coloring e dining room table.
wen u were 6 years old, she walked u to school,
u thanked her by screaming, "IM NOT GOING!"
wen u were 7 years old, she bought u a baseball,
u thanked her by throwing it into e neighbor's windows.
wen u were 8 years old, she bought u an ice-cream.
u thnaked her by dripping it all over ur lap.
wen u were 9 years old, she paid for ur piano lessons.
u thanked her by never even bothering to practice.
wen u were 10 years old, she drove u all e way for school to a birthday party.
u thanked her by jumping out of e car n never looking back.
wen u were 15, she came home from work looking for a hug.
u thanked her by having ur bedroom door locked.
wen u were 16, she taught u how to drive.
u thanked her by taking it every chance u could.
wen u were 17, she was expecting an important phone call.
u thanked her by being on e phone all night.
wen u were 18, she cried at ur high school graduation ceremony.
u thanked her by partying out all night.
wen u were 20, she asked if u were seeing anyone.
u thanked her by saying, "it's none of ur business."
wen u were 21, she suggested some career paths for u to take.
u thanked her by saying, "no thanks. i dun wana b lyk u."
wen u were 23, she gave u furniture for ur apartment.
u thanked her by saying it's ugly to ur friends.
wen u were 24, she met ur fiancee and asked about ur plans for e future.
u thanked her by glaring at her and saying, "mum! puh-lease!!!"
wen u were 25, she helped to pay for ur wedding n she cried n she told u how deeply she loved u,
u thanked her by moving halfway across e country.
wen u were 30, she called wif sum avise wif e baby.
u thanked her by saying, "things are different now."
wen u were 40, she called to remind u about a relative's birfday.
u thanked her by saying u were "really busy right now."
wen u were 50, she fell ill and needed u to take care of her.
u thanked her by reading the burden parents are to their children.
and den one day, she quietly died...
and dats wen u realized u never did anything for her before n regrets are juz too late.

ive always known im more to daddy's girl den my mummy's girl, coz sis is. but nonetheless, i noe she loves us all e same coz she only has 2 of us. her 2 growing princesses.

2007-06-27T11:11:00.000+08:00

u wuldnt believe it. e school has asked me to teach malay. malay!!! damn.

im so dead.

and sitting nearby me at my werkplace is a crazy relief teacher who speaks (loudly!) and mumbles to himself. he's been relief for 2 yrs now, teaching the lower sec history, i think. i think he's gone bonkers due to e fact dat he cant be a permanent teacher. heehee. n he's always pretending to be bz, checking thru his stuff n papers, over and over again. walking up n down, but reali he's not doing anything. he can't be dat bz for a relief man. dun come yar yar larh. ohmigod. e kind of noises he makes is juz unbelievable and so sudden. thank god im only here for only 4 wks. any longer, i'll go crazy.

2007-06-25T16:22:00.000+08:00

my life is pretty mundane so far. nothing great is happening. random pix to kill my (& your) boredom.

last sat. signing of the bond wif NIE. yes. finally.
i got thru NIE. im scared now dat ive signed e bond coz im tied for 70k. but.....

dat nite. a great place to eat after midnite. at sempang bedok, a place called spize.
only western foods n real cheap.

...yesterday nite

my aunt's newborn baby gerl.

we bought her dis gift at kiddy palace for less than 50bux.

my sis n e lil baby.
....and to wrap it up
(not reali)
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*
*
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*
*
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my smug lil monkey. forever eating but never put on weight. sheesh!!

*
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*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
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...and finally

i dunno if its juz me or wat. but sumhow nowadays all he does is scream n shout at me lyk im a nobody. saying things to hurt me, breaking me. accusing me every single day. saying he can live without me; im juz a nobody. never a day has der been a smile on my face long enuf as der were tears.

i only wanted a happy ending. but i kip looking for it at all e wrong places.
pls god. gif me strength & pity me. all i want is sumone to love me.
is dat too much to ask for?

2007-06-20T01:37:00.000+08:00

Come on ladies, be truthful!
i try!!

1. Do you ever lie about your age?
>>> sumtyms. hehe. coz sum people try to make me out realli old.

2. Do you prefer "sensitive boys" or "tough guys"?
>>> how sensitive is sensitive n how tough is tough?

3. Do you prefer blonde or dark haired guys?
>>> i used to think dark but now i always seem to fall for blondes.

4. Are you currently single?
>>> no.

5. How many things in your past do you regret?
>>> none. not even one.

7. What do you want to be when you grow up?
>>> im not grown up yet?

8. Who was the last person you hugged?
>>> irul anwar.

9. Have you ever had your heart broken?
>>> a fair share of it to last me a lifetime.

10. Have you ever thought about having plastic surgery?
>>> yarr!!! plentiful of times!!

11. Do you like your life?
>>> not dat much.

12. Do you shop at Hollister?
>>> is der 1 in spore?

13. Has one of your friends ever stolen a bf from you?
>>> many stole my ex-fiance from me.

14. Has one of your friends ever stabbed you in the back?
>>> one? ure giving dem toooooo much credit!!!

16. Do you have more friends that are girls or boys?
>>> not many of those.

17. How long have you had friendster?
>>> believe it or not, wen i was in nafa. haha. dats how comp-illiterate i am.

18. Have you ever cheated on someone?
>>> not proud of it.

19. Has anyone ever cheated on you?
>>> refer to qn 13 -.-

20. Have you ever slapped a boy in the face?
>>> yupp.

21. What is one of your biggest fears?
>>> wen my loved ones leave me.

22. Have you ever skipped class?
>>> yupp.

23. Has anyone close to you ever passed away?
>>> hmm. im guessing no?

24. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
>>> yupp.

25. Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head?
>>> many tyms.

26. Do you believe in the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater"?
>>> yesh i do! i do! i do!!

27. Have you ever had a good feeling about something and it turned out you were right?
>>> wow. never.

28. Do you ever wish you were famous?
>>> sumtyms. but famous for beiing on tv as an artist or sumting, but not famous as a slut or anything bad!

29. Do u ever wish u were a man?
>>> u noe, sumtyms i do. its so much easier not having to care so much about putting on make up and dress up to please people. guys primp too but dey only do dat much on hair!

2007-06-16T02:15:00.000+08:00

juz came back from a 3 day KL trip wif mummy, daddy, sis n aunt. e plan was to actually drive up all e way to perak but den we culdnt handle being cramped in e car. daddy even wanted to go back to spore e next day coz he wanted to go back to werk sooo much! we went all e way to genting on e 1st day, but stayed overnite in KL. dat 1st nite we went clubbing and e next day as usual shopped at petaling st while e parents go shopped at masjid india.

the one wif e genting trip

the one wif my chilly sis

the one wif e crazy 'superman' rollercoaster behind me

the one wif e signboard

the one wif e bumper car ride

the one wif e senior citizens

the one wif e chilly air

the one wif sis on e escalator

the one wif sis pooh

on dat nite, we went to modestos', a club in KL wer all e 'matreps' and 'minahreps' of KL are. wat we used to wear to club ages ago are so in trend wif dem rite now! like all those tubes and miniskirts, baring flesh here n der for e gals i mean. guys were mostly wearing jeans n shirt and a coat. me n sis juz wore cargo n tshirts. and seriously, some mats der dun even look like malaysians and are reali good looking. so me n sis made a joke dat dey may look good but once dey talk its a whole lotta different story! and imagine if dey were to gif us their phone numbers..which wuld b like 14 digits! hehe. so niwaes. ders dis gerl walking ard e club carrying a few of e poohs above which costs Rm30 so i bought 1 for sis. der wasnt a tigger so i didnt get 1 for myself. hhmpppffft.

...the next day...

the one wif mum and aunt

the one wif my aneroxic sis

the one wif e shopping bags

the one wif sis stuff

she bought herself 2 small guess bags, 1 big guess duffel bag, 1 coach sunglasses & 1 huge zippo lighter. look carefully at e pix; its reali huge.

the one wif my stuff

i bought myself 1 small guess bag, 1 big guess duffel, 1 orange sweater (sis bought a pink one seen in e pix above), 1 tshirt (which sis also has in orange), a pair of slippers, a pair of nike shoes, 1 coach sunglasses & 1 LV ashtray.

the one wif e 'halo halo', which is basically a huge ice kacang

the one wif mummy and daddy

the one wif e ice bowl

the one wif my overexcited lil sis

the one wif e glutton face of hers

so den today, we were pretty much ready to leave for home..but den e car started to gif us problems! the gear wuldnt engage so it wuldnt move and we culd only put it into reversed! it was sooooo horrible and hot!!! we were stuck at seremban and thank god somebody came to our rescue. we were towed all e way back to jb's caltex, juz before e malaysian customs. it costed us rm700 to get der. the tow guy wun enter spore or even go up to e causeway. so we had to push e car all e way up to e customs! den daddy had a wild idea of driving backwards coz den we wuld reach faster and thank god for cik nor n fam who came to our rescue and kinda held e traffic for us to go thru.

the one wif our backwards car, before e spore customs

finally we reached spore's customs and had to wait for daddy's mechanics to send their tow truck over..which took ages. but luckily we are all safe and sound back home now. exhausted, but ok. :)

now dis lil baby is safely in e mechanics, waiting to be repaired. so now we'll b car-less for a few days and its e blardy weekend! haix.

2007-06-13T03:05:00.000+08:00

aint dey adorable?? dey are fira's little kitties(co-owned by my sis, even thou shes blardy afraid of their mum). dey are soooooooooo small n fury n soooooooooooooo cute. dey are now 3 wks old n believed to be growing larger in 1mths' time. ouh. but fira throwing dem away coz she's pregnant now n she has waaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy too many cats. and a parakeet too.

the one wif us cam whoring.
to kill our boredom.

the one wif me camwhoring.

yep. me camwhored in my room at sis condo. aint my room lovely? yep. my room which i haf 2 share wif others lyk her frenz who come over to stay. bluek.

the one wif the view outside my window.

dis is wat i c wen i open e window from my room. ure supposed to see a swimming pool der but den it was nite time, so.

the one wif my stuff.

sis bought me dat tigger to hold my hp in.

i've not much to blog nowadays. ders nothing much reali 'cept for e ongoing irony pathetic life i lead. haix.

niwaes. going off to kl-perak wif mum n dad n aunt n sis. will camwhore lyk crazy n shop lyk crazy. i tink.

till den,

2007-06-07T22:03:00.000+08:00

ever since i downloaded and burned

from season 1 to 10, ive been playing it over and over again on e dvd set in my room. nothing on tv interest me animore. yes. i realize i may haf a huge prob (or else wat u mite call an 'obsession' - but wateva.) although. i never watch season 10 coz its juz sad dat it ended so fast...

TheGist
This is a show about love and sex and careers and a time in life when everything is possible..about the search for commitment and security...and the fear of commitment and security. Most of all, it's about friendship - for when you're young and single in the city, your friends are your family.

JenniferAniston

rachel karen green in season 7, playing drums given by phoebe to joey.
love her short bop.

She married Pitt on July 29. 2000, in a lavish Malibu wedding. The two separated on January 7, 2005, and Aniston officially filed for divorce on March 25, 2005.The producers of the show originally wanted Aniston to audition for the role of Monica Geller, but she persuaded them that she was better suited for the role of Rachel Green. She was cast in the role and played the character from 1994 until the show ended in 2004.

CourteneyCox

monica e. gellar in season 6, looking for her wedding dream dress.

On June13, 2004, she gave birth to their first child, daughter Coco Riley Arquette. The child was originally to be named after her mother as Courteney Cox Arquette, however her husband's family objected to this on the grounds that naming a child after a living relative goes against Jewish tradition. Coco is a nickname Cox's friends gave her mother when she was a child. Cox's close real life friend and "Friends" co-star, Jennifer Aniston, is the baby's godmother.

LisaKudrow

phoebe buffay in season 6, riding her only bicycle given by ross.

Since May 27, 1995, Kudrow has been married to Michel Stern, a French advertising executive. They have one son, Julian Murray (born May 7, 1998). While Kudrow was pregnant, Phoebe was also written as pregnant, which is why the storyline of Phoebe being a surrogate for her brother's triplets was introduced.

MattLeBlanc

joseph francis tribbiani in season 7, at monica and chandler's wedding.

When Matt LeBlanc auditioned for the role as Joey Tribbiani he only had $11. When the cast got their paychecks, the first thing he bought was a hot dinner. On May 3, 2003, LeBlanc married long-time girlfriend Melissa McKnight and the couple had one daughter,Marina Pearl LeBlanc, who was born Feb 8, 2004.

DavidSchwimmer

rachel and ross eustace gellar in season 8, a flashback of wen dey were flirting.

In the Friends episode "The one wiff Russ", the character of "Russ", who bore an amazing resemblance to Schwimmer's "Ross", was played by Schwimmer himself, although in the credits the role was credited as being played by "Snaro." The producers have joked in the past that the character of Russ was played by a famous actor named Snaro, but Schwimmer has said that the name Snaro was a tribute to a friend of his.

MatthewPerry

chandler muriel bing n newly wedded on-screen wife, monica, in season 8, waiting in queue to leave for their honeymoon.

Perry developed an addiction to alcohol and to ease this he then became addicted to Vicodin. He first started taking prescription drugs after a jet ski accident in 1997 and checked himself into Hazeldon. In 2000 he was hospitalized with
pancreatis as a result of his addictions. During that summer he lost 20 pounds, appearing noticeably thinner during the 7th season premiere of Friends, in a scene that continued directly from the 6th season finale.

its juz bloody amazing how 6 different people is soooo in sync wif each other. even tho its juz a show but to werk wif each other for about 20plus episodes every season for 10years is no easy feat! juz dun understand why it gotta end wen everything was so well and so funny and so addictive. (ok, im obsessed.)

i used to haf frenship lyk dis. wif lin, najib, hyrel, nana n irul. we used to eat, sleep and wake up beside each other. we used to haf such fun together. but den sumhow we lost it to lin's stupidity. ders juz too much conflict between us amongst e group. but den again, it was such a wonder how we culd live together for months. i miss all those times. i miss our closeness. i miss our friendship. if i culd turn back tym, i wuld turn back to wer we were once close and 'loved' each other....

ok back to e main topic. and if you're wondering if i ever get bored or anything by the show, i'm not. i simply luuurrrvvvveeee re-running it over and over again.

and i culd go on and on bout trivia of friends but i'll simply bore u. so go. watch it urself on cable ch18. and share my obsession.

till den,

2007-06-06T19:23:00.000+08:00

new skin. simply luuuuuuuurrrrvvviiiiinngggg it. hekz.
...and humongous thanx to wanie for introducing firefox to me. im sooooooooooo luving it!!! no more hanging windows!!!

haix.im such a freak.

ps: isnt it weird dat most blogs are black? *wonder*wonder*

2007-06-05T23:20:00.001+08:00

before it turns midnite, happy 21st bday beby boy!
went for celebrations yesterday nite at cash studio orchard wif his cuzzins n fren. we were an hour late thou, which kinda missed out the whole point of celebrating at midnite.
but nevertheless....

the one wer hubby was so shy about opening my present!!

and he was soooooo cute about it..hehe. bought him a braun buffel wallet which kinda ripped off almost all of my savings (plus everyting else included in the bday package) but it was worth it to see him smile. :p reali.

den we woke up at 4 in the afternoon, had a lazy walk in orchard, window-shopped a little, and a late lunch before heading home.

n gez wat? we decided we cant wait to have babies.

2007-06-03T03:27:00.000+08:00

camwhoring after a trip to jalan kayu's mad jack restaurant. a big disappointment for foods. advice: dun ever go der unless u duno wer 2 throw ur money. hehe. but der was a swap mit wen we got der so me n sis bought 12 glitter pens for oni 3 bux and a pocket watch for oni 4 bux!!

the one wif e 12 glitter pens...

the one wif the beetle-shaped pocket watch...

...and den some camwhoring after we went home...

the one wer hubby got vain...

...and also whilst we were at jalan kayu, der was dis shop selling seawater fishes which mite be wat im kiping for pets next coz dey are sooooooooooooooo damn gorgeous!! juz look at dem!

and dey are much much simpler den normal fishes and prettier. now all i gota do is wait for all my other fishes to die(on their own of coz!!) and save money for e new ones coz dey cost an atomic bomb...haix..

price for beauty eyy?

2007-06-01T21:59:00.000+08:00

wat u thot is ok for u to say
will sumtyms hurt e person who cares for u.

2007-05-27T03:41:00.000+08:00

went to my cuzzin's bday pit juz now. was weird wif his parents, n mimi's parents n my mum n aunts. hehe. i tink it was supposed to be more of a youngster pit kinda tingy. coz dozens of his frenz were der so e 'senior citizens' were quite an awkward sight.

the one wif the bday boy...

the one wif the bday boy n frenz...

i tink he's grown into a fine young man now...i mean still mat-rep n everyting.. but wen we were younger no one wuld mix wif him coz he's reali noti n lurvessssssssssssssssssss hurting people. now dat he's all grown up, he's growing fine into dat bad boy image. orite sasha, stop-it.

pix of e haircuts now.

the one wif my sister's concave cut...which turned out fine!

the one wif mine from e front...which also looked fine wen its wet.

the one wif another frontal pix.

ok. i admit dat dis pix doesnt do justice to e horridness of e haircut. heyy. im not one to take ugly sides of myself. hehe. but reali, wen its wet, viewed from e front, its fine. but wen its dried n u're walking behind me, its juz horridly-disgustingly-horrible. thank god for a mth holiday off from sch (which by e way isnt eactly a mth coz on e 3rd wk im packed to go back to school for dumb stuffs.). giving it a mth to grow it out. no way im gona cut my hair animore. i promise.

2007-05-25T08:19:00.000+08:00

e news had been heard. e other 3 contract teachers got their appointment letter to sign e bond with NIE dis sat. haixx.. dun tink im able to go dis july intake. fuck. fuck. fuck. cant blame e school either. dey did recommend me(dats wat dey said, but GOD NOES lah!)

e other contract teachers, 2 of whom im closer to, are practically waving their appointment letters to my face. please larhxx. u guys dun even like teaching. complains all day long. you're juz going der so dat u can get a payrise n enjoy benefits from e governmentnt. haixx. CHINESE...CHINESE!! damn u all chinese!

oh well.if i go on ranting, u people might think im juz plain jealous.

im not.

im juz so fed-up dat CHINESE are getting all e good stuffs while we haf to slog away n wait.

aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

2007-05-23T08:28:00.000+08:00

yesterday will b my last tym ever trying to adopt the concave hairstyle. all e blardy stylists who had done it are juz simply plain stupid who wun admit dat dey cant/dunno how to/am simply tooooooo stupid to do it! n u will be surprise to noe wer i got my yesterday's (last n final) haircut from....

yar! blardy jean yip! blardy damn jean yip at bukit panjang plaza! eeeuuuurrrgggghhhh!!! dis is wat u get wen all classified job ads states "...can speak mandarin ONLY" or "...chinese-speaking ONLY" or "...chinese ONLY".

DAMN U ALL CHINESE WHO REFUSES TO LEARN A LITTLE BIT OF ENGLISH! HELL-O! DIS IS SPORE FOR FUCK'S SAKE! EVERYONE SPEAKS ENGLISH!!! IT WUN HURT TO LEARN ENGLISH, GOT IT??!?

e guy who did my hair is so dumb n so egoistic, he claimed dat he noes wat he's doing. me n my sis told both e hairstylists dat we want to b similar, as in almost-same haircut. its ok if its not exact, but at least looks e same.

"layering or patterns or straight oni?" he asked me.
"hurhxx?" i said. dammit. confirm he dunno wan. "u noe concave? short at e back n long at the sides?" i said again, juz to be sure, demonstrating wat i wanted.
"oooooooohhhhhh. ok. ok. can," he replied, in dis chinese-baba accent, and began to happily snip at my hair.

ok now i damn worried dy lah. he confirm dunno wat i want. so while cutting, he continued gossipping wif my sis' stylist.

"eyy, pu shi zhe yang de. ni zhuo le," she said to him. (which meant, "eyy not lyk dis. u do wrong dy.")

"ni kan wa de. ta yao de shi slope zhai huo mian ran hou zhian mian pu yong zhyan." (which meant, "look at mine. she wants e back got slope den infront dun cut.")

"hurhhx?? tui larh. sui pian larh. shi yi yang de. ni he wa horhh pu ke yi zhyan yi yang de style mahhxx," he replied. (which meant, "hurhhx? correct larh. anyting larh. u n me arh cannot cut same style one mahhxx."

i cringed. dammit. confirm larhh. wrong larhh. den suddenly he stopped, took a mirror to show me wat he's done.

"der? done liao!" he exclaimed.

i stared myself in horror. damn u!! dis is not rite!! its not even concaved. not from the side, nor e back, and definitely not upfront!!!!

"wer's e concave??" i asked.
he casually flipped my hair and said, "der. abit der."

my sis turned and look at me....and started telling him wat actuali i wanted in MANDARIN. both stylists looked at her in shock. serves u rite!!! say 'anyting' sum more larhhx. gossip sum more larhhxx!! dunno say dunno mahhxx. dun spoil people's hair!!

so sis went on ranting at e male stylist and he kept nodding as if he reali understood...n we reali thot he did coz e 3 of us went on telling him wat was wrong wif it.... n yet he still got it wrong. he went to shave my neck next. damn. damn. damn! if he shaved n it came out rite, fine. but he shaved n still got it wrong!!!!!!

n dats wen i put my foot down. enuf hair for e day. no more to cut. animore i'll go bald. so now, my hair is very limited at e back coz he kept layering it, and reali ders nothing much at e back after he shaved it, and juz a little bit longer at e front.i look horrible n disgusting n looks lyk i lost my hair to leukemia. reali!!!!

wat made me sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo mad was dat:

1. it's jean yip's for fuck's sake!!!
2. duno say duno larhhxx!! dun come yaya here!! i'll excuse ur ignorance if u admit it u noe!!
3. instead of admitting u dunno, u went gossipping wif ur fren n said "anyting lahh" n "anyhow lahh" about my hair!! im PAYING u to cut my hair u noe. ders nothing 'anything' or 'anyhow' about dat!!
4. dat i still had to pay for ur fucked-up haircut!!!!

eeeeuuuurrrggggghhhhhhh!!!!

it took me ages to grow dat length after e last haircut at far east, and now u happily ruined it again!!!!!!!!!!!! juz wer haf all dis good, relieable stylists gone to? wer? wer? wer? i sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo blamed e government for e stuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuupiiiiid speak mandarin campaign! dis is e kind of blardy werkers u hired!!!

e next tym sumone asks me, "are u chinese?"
im soooooooooo gona answer, "never was proud of it."

traumatic experience for me. no more.

niwaes. juz wen i thot me n irul got a little better after going out a few tyms, it juz seems dat our relationship is going for a tough ride. 10 mths into it n sooo many things has happened. ive never thot we'd gone dis far n yet wen we did, far ahead der are many more obstacles we had to go thru, n e luf dat we haf is not strong enuf.

i envy wanie n gegerl for having such dear boifrens, wanting nothing more den dem feeling blissed. i prayed n hoped for an angel lyk dat to come n pik me. i reali thot irul was e one. but 10mths into it n he's e one shattering my dreams.

weneva i watched other couples in tv shows hugging n kissing n cuddling, i long for irul's touch. i long for dat tingling feeling he used to send down my spine. yet now....every single thing dat he's capable of is to juz ask for a breakup. i used to noe dat he luvs me, he wants me.real badly. but now..i noe in his hart, i no longer am der.

is it too much to ask for someone to luf me? to hold me weneva it rains n thunders frightens me? to kiss me goodnight whilst holding me to sleep? to smile wen i smile, to wipe my tears wen i cry? is it too much to ask for?

2007-05-21T07:34:00.000+08:00

went for my 3rd treatment last fri. sis went for her 1st. hehe. so kecoh. she alone needed bout half hour to get ready to be laser-ed. she did both of left arm n back. so lucky. after dis 2 she onli had 1 more to go, at the back of her waist. i haf 4 more to go!!! pandai2 lah bikin bnyk2. hepi arh tu. but alhamdulilah. after 3 treatments, e tattoos are clearing off n saving me from e horrible pain. niwaes. pix taken while sis was getting hers done.

she was screaming lyk crazy. poor baby gal. lucky her as she got 3 other persons being in der for her. wen i had mine done, i was all alone. haixx.

sis asked if i regreted having tattoos nw dat removing it was so damn painful. i said no. i dun believe in having regrets. its all about making choices. in e past i chose to haf those tattoos done. no one forced me to. n now having to remove it is juz another choice i make for my future. :P

sis came home yesterday n slept over. missed having her at home. dis morning wen i left for werk, she began her usual whinings weneva i switched on the lights to get ready. i miz all dat. miz having her ard, whining. being e baby in e family. at tyms shes juz so adorable! (other tyms shes juz freaking irritating.) by e tym im home today she'll be gone home too. haixx.

if oni she wuld move back...

den e next day went to bibik's chalet @ downtown east. dis aunt of miine. every year got chalet. so proud of telling people dat she's getting older each year. hehe.

the one wif the 'birfday' captions...

the one wif the bday cake...

the one wif my uncle as "clown of the day"...

the one wif ronald..

the one wer both are so happy wif ronald..

den later dat nite, met irul n we went to jb...wer i managed 1 snapshot of a hungry man. hehe.

the one wif the hungry tummy...

life's a bitch ey?

2007-05-17T09:04:00.000+08:00

aiyoh. so sleepy at werkxx. got class in 7mins. gota gif my kids back their exam papers. haix. me n irul. drifting further away apart. god noes y. at 1st he was e one initiated e break up, but den we got bk together dat nite. den yesterday he started all these rubbish again, accusing me of tings i nvr did. den even later dat nite, we kissed n made up. but den dis morning he's starting up all over again. reali upset n reali duno wat he wants frm me, from us. tomorrow is our 10th mth anniversary.(yippee???) gez wun b a smiley day. :((

den wen u've "worked" a little harder on making ur blogskin a nice one, blogger gota go n mess it up for u. so wat u gta do? juz say "thank u" n portray ur middle finger. den it doesnt allow u 2 upload pix. so, "xxxx!" comes out of e mouth. accidentally of coz. haixx.

den at e werkplc, dat blardy-farked-up old maid (maths HOD. strong suspicions shes e one whos telling on me.) kips glancing at my werk area. yar. trying to catch me sleeping rite?? i wun let u larhhxx old maid. go get urself a husband n take care of ur own affairs dumbassbitcho. it doesnt matter how many tons of makeup ure putting on, coz u aint pretty n u'll never b. so dun waste animore money k. apek2 tepi jalan pon jadi arhxx. silap2 apek2 nie pon tknk ko. rambut straight kan dulu arhxx. hahaxx. i noe im beiing childish but i cant help it k.

today sumore gt contact tym. haixx. oreadi so sleepy, hw 2 survive contact tym all e way till 530? die larhxx lyk dat.. haixx.

my hair sux man. not e color, e style. so rigid. lyk wig lyk dat. wana cut concave back. dunch care dy.

f day in an f place. wat a life. living it. hating it.

baaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

2007-05-15T09:34:00.000+08:00

last sun. mother's day. celebrated wif mum's side at swenson's airport. pix galore.

the one wer ordering takes hours..

the one wer everyone's waiting

the one wif e picture taking..

the one wif e mums..

the one wif e mums n e dads..

the one wif e mum n daughter..

the one wif e finger foods...

the one wif sis' long-awaited laksa..

the one wif e foods..

the one wer mimi is full..

the one wen food gets a lil boring..

the one wif the banana crumble..

the one wer sis indulge in it..

the one wif e sticky chewy sumting..

the one wif e flowers from me n sis to every mum..

the one wer faiz decided to b a glutton..

the one wer too much is still not enuf...

the one wer iwan takes a mouthful..

the one wif e complimentary from sensons...

the one wif e gift for his mama...

the one wer going home is also a chore...

the one wif e family photo..

part 2...

the one wif me, sis n faiz. dats my new hair color.

the one wif me, sis n lynn.

the one wif me, sis n papa.

the one wer dey got goofy..

the one wif e last pix of e day..

im in a reali reali reali sad mood now. reali wana pen down e mothers day event but somehow dun fil lyk it.
its e 15th today. in 3 days tym me n irul will b together for 10mths.
10mths! dat ought to mean sumting. but no. today, irul wana go seperate ways.
tings between us dat havent been reali settling since... i duno..forever. who's to blame?
both i guess. but dis tym, we're breaking up coz of my selfishness.
breakups are never reali easy for me. not after wat dat bastard did to me. yet...another one comes along and breaks my hart. god is reali testing me. n hurting me. n breaking me down.
tears are threatening to spill now. wun haf a good explanation if anione asks. (if anyone bothers to at all)
he msgd saying, "i dun wana c ur face." dat felt lyk a tight slap. my hart being wrenched in e worst way ever. tried calling him. he rejected. n wen he did pick up he said, "i dun wana talk 2u." cried wen i was in class juz now. am crying now in e staffroom.
its been raining since morning, as thou e earth is filing my torment. i dun wan it 2b dis way. dun wana let us go. but.......

to irul:
hubby, i never thot dis is e way u wuld end tings wif me. but if dis wuld make u hapi den i wish u all e best in e future. thanx for e past 9 mths, standing up for me; sticking thru thick n thin most of e tyms. i wun take a single cent from u, no matter wat. juz nid u 2 pay off e bill n we're done. juz remember me, weneva it rains. coz every drop represent my tears e day we broke off. take care.

2007-05-14T07:59:00.000+08:00

finally!! pix uploaded!

my messy desk in e staffroom.

sec 2g class party for all teachers who taught dem.

2007-05-13T21:45:00.000+08:00

stoooooooooooooooooooooooooooopid
blogger doesnt allow me 2 upload pix!!!!!
n i haf plentiful 2 upload...
aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

2007-05-10T10:46:00.000+08:00

sitting bored in the HOD room now, wif actuali many things to do but juz too plain lazy. exams ended at 9am but we are nt allowed to go home till 2pm. haix. bored. wana go 7-11 nearby but duno if i could.

niwaes. NIE practicums are leaving tomorrow thou 5 are coming bk after e june holidays. 'cept for fadli (pe) n ivan (history) who will b going to other schools. so dat leaves us contract teachers who are still waiting whether we are going into NIE for e july intake or not. god. dis is tormenting. i hope dey will send me der. ive had e worst of everything in dis sch, i juz nid to get away pretty quick.

i'll tell u y. last wk, my vp called upon me for a brief miting. some of e teachers here are juz really shitty n really do haf a prob wif me. 'sumbody' complained dat i was watching movie on my lappy n kinda distracting others. which is so lame. den 'sumbody' saw my tattoo n believes dis will tarnish their reputation. as if i walk around school half naked. as if e long sleeves wasnt enuf. n 'sumbody' complained i was sleeping in e staff's lounge wen i was sick. i didnt wana go back as i stil had classses thruout e day but apparently nobody bothered to ask me if i was fine. BUT. my vp is a reali, reali, reali nice guy who said to me dat all dis kinda tings are reali, reali minor stuff and told me to juz look after my own back. easier put, do things which can be avoided of wagging tongues. eversince e 1st week i was here, everything seems to get on their nerves. well. dey are getting on MY nerves. im trying my best not to blow up. kiping my cool. kiping it. kiping it. kiping it.

my HOD has been asking if i got e letter, to which he was supposed to receive, but so far, none yet. n u wuld tink dat my HOD wuld b e one helping me go thru all dis, standing up for my rights. but no..he juz bowed n followed wat all dis farking idiots are complaining bout me. im gripping onto my last breath. hope. hope. hope.

piece of advice? never ever become a teacher. or else hope n pray real hrad u dun get posted into a sooooooooooo chinese cultivated school. if ure a malay. coz u'll never make it der. u'll b e topic of e day for everyday. as long as dey find sumting to complain bout u. everyday is a living hell. i love my job b ut i hate my colleagues. chinese ppl sux. sux. sux. everything is about 'speak good mandarin.' yar-har.

other contract teachers who haf been posted to various other schools had been contacting each other thru email. so. e latest i got was dat dis gal whom i known from NAFA, whose doing e same ting as me, has gotten her p to apply for her to get into e july's intake. haix. she muz b living it up over der. damn.

ps: wanie, its surya by the way. i duno hw tings r between u guys bt i find her even more bitchy n attitudal den e gal i known in our 1st year. getting big headed. sux. haha.

2007-05-07T08:06:00.000+08:00

*spotted!*

Latest released by Sony Ericsson: Walkman phone W580i.
im sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo gona get it. so luvable. so shiny. so new. confirm so expensive.
comes in white n grey. sis wana get e white one n insists i get e grey one. sibok jek. currently not out in singapore yet but selling at US for 300pounds. convert dat. haix. thot of trading in my SE z610i but confirm muz top up bout 400bux. haix. tapikan. bnyk2 hp buat pe pon aku tk tahu. but i cant possibly sell my cybershot fone kan..its a gift sey...delima sia....

*muz watch!*

spideyman 3. basically picks up from wer dey left off. mj now noes dat peter is spidey; harry still holds a grudge n comes back as the new goblin. still so cute. still so charming. check out his eyes n smiles in e movies, u'll c wat i mean. den remember e guy who shot peter's uncle? not dead yet. escaped convict. yar. he's back as e sandman. den dis black weed thingy made peter to be e worst of himself, hurting himself n so many others. new reporter who took over his place den becomes venom. (wif so many villains, u wun get bored.) mostly. dis movie plays wif emotions n filings. go watch. advise thou. bring a sweater to kip u warm in the movies. n sumtg to cuddle thruout. for me, i brought my travel-tigger n irul. so juz nice. b expecting sum hartaches watching e scenes n also backaches from sitting too long. hehe.

so aniwaes. monday morning at werk. i fil so sick..was vomitting since yesterday. duno y. everything dat went in came back out e same way. even drinking plain water is such chore. haix. my throat fils so acidic.

going off for another invigilation soon. at 9am. hopefully i can hold today out.

2007-05-03T10:56:00.000+08:00

never knew invigilating was sooooooo boring. aiyoh... 1 hr of staring at e restless kids. cant stand it. niwaes. foun smtg 2 think about.

WHEN i RUN AWAY FROM U
>>> follow me

WHEN i POUT MY LIPS
>>> kiss me

WHEN i KICK
>>> hug me tight

WHEN i CALL U CRAZY
>>> iM crazy about u

WHEN i AM SILENT
>>> iM thinking of how to say i lOVEyOU

WHEN i IGNORE YOU
>>> i want all your attention

WHEN i PULL AWAY
>>> grab me by the waist & TELL me you'llnever let me go

WHEN YOU SEE ME AT MY WORST
>>> tell me iM beautiful

WHEN i SCREAM AT YOU
>>> tell me YOU LOVe ME

iF i DONT CALL YOU>>> iM waiting by the phone for yourcall

WHILE i HOLD YOUR HANDS
>>> play with my fingers.

a lil smtg for e modern male chauvinists. heee.

2007-05-02T16:34:00.000+08:00

wrote a lil sumting while invigilating juz now...
sumting dat came out without much thot...

-dedicated to him-
This is how our story ends
Somehow not what we have planned
Though it was not meant to be
Memories of us still felt so real

This was how the story began
We never thought that it would end
The night he took my breath away
I really thought he was here to stay

This was how the story goes
What we had; only Heaven knows
We pledged to be each others’ last
In this journey; in this life

He was mine and I was his
We really thought it was meant to be
Every single day I loved him more
And thought that love in his heart would grow

But then fate had to play a trick on us
A game it played from the past
The she-devil came to play
And led my love to astray

So one day he was untrue
Broke my heart into 2
He promised never to do it again
Promised never to let me feel the pain

They said to love was to sacrifice
There were more tears than there were smiles
All I wanted was him to love me;
that I was his truly one and only

On my birthday he finally said,
“Will u be mine for eternity?”
No words could describe how I feel
On that very night I turned 20

Yet fate wouldn’t let it rest
Decided to give us another test
Never thought I’d walk away
Drowned in tears that very day

Every time I would ask him
“Was it not enough for u in me?”
No more tears left to cry
All I wanted was to die

So everynight I cried myself to sleep
Wondering what went wrong in our relationship
Why God wouldn’t let us be
My heart was true, why cant he see?

This is how the story ends
Fate has it all out planned
Never thought I had walked away
My shattered heart cried its last that day

*disha*
010104 - 290407

i duno y. dun ask. it juz came out wen it had. n now im juz penning dis down.

2007-04-29T20:36:00.000+08:00

woooooooooooooooooooooooooo
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

finally! his side came over juz now n called it officially over!!!! yippee!!! im so happy man!!!! finally! finally! a finale!! hehe.

niwaes. me n irul got bk together. its dat lil' ting called luf. otherwise stupidity. hekz. made him promise he'll never get involved wif his farking idiotic cuzzin najib n frenz nimore. no way. dey are nothing but trouble. no more k beby?

short entry. but worth every single word of it. hehe.

2007-04-26T12:51:00.000+08:00

had a nightmare yesterday. bout irul. bastard #2. in my nightmare, he was at the chalet farking sum gal n forgotten all about me. in my drim i came down n forced dem to let me in but dey wun. i woke up drenched in sweat. i tink its e fear of being left again. for another person. drims lyk dis are usually true for me. so wen i woke up i called lin again. n she told me dat yesh e bastard was der. stayed over for e nite. stayed for their party. which he promised he wun. so god noes wat happens at the party. n i dun wana noe. i'll juz take my drim as e truth, n it may seem unfair, but he was unfair to me by lying to me. so dats it. its over.
yesh. khairul anwar. we're over n done wif. i dun nid u in my life. get e fark out.
its dat feeling. e feeling e other bastard gave me wen he wen missing on me. every single day i kept thinking wat i did wrong, n whether he was ok. every single day i was haunt by nightmares. now. no more. i wun allow dis to disrupt my life again. ever. maybe singlehood wuld b a much better choice but i'd be damned bored. so. applications are opened now. noe any good guys? pass dem to me k?

so. school. everythings been fine all along. except i think e guy who did relief for me before i came, has a huge problem wif me. he's lyk not co-operative, refuses to gif my classes works n marks, n nw i haf to key in for their CA1 soon. n chivalry is so dead wif him. once, i dropped a bunch of stuff about 2m away from him. he didnt even bother to come n help me even tho i was carrying huge boards. once i was done picking up, i looked up n saw him looking away n moving off. i mean, even if u didnt see me, u cn hear me! i was onli 2m away!!! such a chauvinist pig. niwaes. but e kids here love dis shorty. apparently i heard he brought dem out bowling n stuff. harh. bootlicker. well. well. well. mister alvin gan. u will onli b a relier teacher here. juz relief. hakz. bingit jek. everytime he walks past my desk im wishing he wuld trip n fell. hehe.

2007-04-25T20:00:00.000+08:00

yesterday my cuzzin from my dad's side msgd me syaing he saw dat bastard wif another gal at bedok, hugging n basically PDA. im so pissed. come on lah! get it over n done wif oreadi. he's tying me down yet potraying to the world wat a huge bastad he is. im so sick of people telling me all dis shit. mum insists on tkaing his side, saying dat irul is still in e wrong knowing dat im still somebody's tunang n blah blah blah. i tink she's still in denial lah. WTF. den she msgd dat bastard n told him my cuzzin saw him n he still haf e cheek to gif sum bullsgitting story saying dat he 'nids to see other people to forget me'. PAHETIC BASTARD. GET A LIFE.

niwaes. dis irul another bastard. playing MIA wif me today. im so siiiiiiiicccccckkkkkkk of guys oreadi!!!!! fucking bingit sakk. i noe he's at najib chalet n for sure sumthing happened yesterday nite coz i msgd najib n his galfren n neither responded me. so OBVIOUSLY. fuck. fuck. FUCK. called his hp since morniing n now its been cut. BINGIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wateva. im done wif him.

peeps. i nid a new boifren. HELP.

so. today had a better day wif my form class. had a talk wif dem. asked dem wats e problem n stuff. i juz cant bring myself to punish dem even tho sum of dem were playing cards in my class. i mean, i gif u face, cant u even haf e decency to do my werk?!?! but. dey finally understood my rules n regulations n agreed to do my werk. finally. getting my way n giving dem wat dey want. i juz duno how to be strict wif dem. i mean. dey are still human rite? i noe how irritating it is wen a teacher juz comes in class n statrs screaming n everything. ure deemed to hate e teacher. i dun wana b hated. i'll be der for quite sumtym u noe.

k. im quite pissed to continue dis entry. nitez.

2007-04-18T13:34:00.000+08:00

juz returned from my co-form class. man. dey hurt me. dey are not even sympathetic. even wen i said i didnt want to co-form dem animore. even wen i said i didnt wana teach dem animore. n even wen i said i dun wana be a teacher animore. all dey siad was 'ok bye cher'. and dis is lyk one of e express classes.

had a bz day today. went to relief sec 1 express class. smart kids. had dem do sum complicating mazes. dey had fun in a very quiet way. tee-hee. den followed my colleague to her science class with my sec 1 technical students whom i now loved dearly. dey are much more willing to listen and talk to me now. thou we're oni left wif 1 more lesson before dey hit e exams.

im reali, reali upset wif my co-form class. dis is not wat i expected from dem. e 1st 2-3 wks wif dem was way more better den dis. but now. dey are juz stepping on me. making me fil so worthless. i so fil lyk crying now. i duno wat i did to make dem do dis to me...

tell me?

2007-04-17T21:56:00.000+08:00

the grosteque part1

the grosteque part 2

the grosteque part 3

the one wif e bastard's name.haha.

my arms after removal of bandage..2 wks more til e scabs fall off den we'll see hw much has been erased. can u imagine e pain im going thru while lasering it off?!?! haixxx. wat to do. gatal kan. amek ko. niwaes. enjoy. hehe.

2007-04-16T07:48:00.000+08:00

the one wif sis n her bf.

the one after the haircut part 1. aka the one wif the faggort face. hehe.

the one after the haircut part2.

the one wif the new haircut part 3.

another monday in school. as always, loadsa free tym today. oni relieving later @ 1055 onwards. den miting at Ang Mo Kio Sec regarding dis yr's O levels papers. haixx.

niwaes. yesterday had loadsa fun wif sis n her bf n hubby @ town. we were from her house den decided to go town watch movie, n as always sis shopped a bit. so me n hubby went to cut hair. short for us both.

den we watched "smokin in the ashes". the one where alicia keys starred as an assassin. n is a horribly confusing movie. its about different groups of people (punks, ex-police and assasins) looking for dis mafia, whom own men are also after. but. the FBI were sent down to take him away or arrest him or smthg for their own use. so in the end loadsa killing. FBI got the mafia coz dey wanted his heart to save his 'oreadi so old' dying dad. it was a mistake made years ago by the FBI to haf shot the mafia's dad n fragment him into i dunno wat. so the last piece is juz e heart. so dis young FBI who risked his life for nothing and got his friend sacrificed locked himself into the wards of e father n son n pulled their lifelines. n surrended his FBI pledge. dats e end. wat i dun gt it why so many is after e mafia wen in e end dey had nothing to do wif it coz in e 1st place it was e FBI's who wanted his heart. haix.

but thanx to yuz for the movie n tidbits n i promise it will b our turn next tym round. weird thing is dat it seems dat yuz n hubby seems to get along quite ok. i wuldnt say well yet but ok. at least dey talk n haf topics to share. n dats e 1st tym i see yuz behaving lyk a human being n being able to participate in dis kinda activities. in all it was a lot of fun.
mish ma sis oready. hmph.

2007-04-15T09:10:00.000+08:00

found dis in an email. sumting interesting bout november babies.

---------------NOVEMBER BABY --------------------
Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun.Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towardsyour inner and outer beauty and independentpersonality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless andindependent. Can hold their own. Stands out in acrowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, thegreatest men are born in this month. If you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind.

2007-04-15T02:39:00.000+08:00

didi's name erased....

my swooping eagle deleted...

haha. pix of my bandaged hands. me nw at nico house, juz sitting ard talking to sis n irul. bandages cums out tomorrow. haix. gona go thru one more tym of peeling e gauze tomorrow, den putting the burnaid...2 wks more of itching and peeling of excess skin..will take pix once e gauze gets off..gross you guys out pulak..hehe...

niwaes. went shopping wip sis, yuz n hubby. bought myself n sis pants from hani brown. tomorrow going to cut hair wip hubby pulak. shuld get myself sumting to wear also. no more clothes to wear to school man. also nid new makeup. halamak. ni mcm gaji pon boleh habis seh. well at least paid off important things oreadi. gave mum n dad 200. paid off my bill. stil nid to save sum money for rainy days but stil got so many things to get. haiyoh. ni lah manusia. tk pernah cukup. hehe. wat to do. oni a trainee. reali hope im eligible for NIE.

daddy wants me to get a car. but den. how to survive seii? memang lah senang for me n everyone else so dat mum dun haf to send me to werk in e mornings n easier for me to go places. much much comfort too. been checking out the car cherry qq. but per mth is S$294. den petrol tkya kire ker?!? season parking lagi...haixx.....tgk lah mcm mane. den wana enrol bike. gona get down to it by next wk. no more delaying. hehe.

hubby been werking for 4 complete days oready! (actuali 3 half oni lah but stil.) hope dis tym he's for real n ease up my burden abit. lets pray for e best.

hubby, hope u wun disappoint me dis tym. n stop irritating me. n finding fault wif me everyday. im oreadi being my veri best to be soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo setia to you but u kip on creating stories n hurting us. its getting old la dear. stop it k. lup u. hehe.

ok. uploaded pix from sis n dad's bday..over a mth nyer seh!!!

the one dad's grumpy face.

the one wif mum and dad eating ice cream.

the one wif my lovely sis.

the one wif e swenson's ice cream cone. yummy!

2007-04-13T20:43:00.000+08:00

juz came bk frm my 2nd laser treatment. hurts more den e 1st one! gosh. i ended up crying. malu sakk. so now every movement of mine is so e limited. da sakit2 gni pon org nk carik pasal. bingit sakk. dah lah. no mood to continue dis entry pon. gna take sm pix before every single ink is being erased. so-called 'in loving memory' lah konon. hehe.

2007-04-11T11:49:00.000+08:00

sum free tym in school before i nid to get into e next class. perspiring lyk crazy man. wishing dat e laser treatment will erase my tattoos even faster now. cant take it wearing long sleeves to sch every single day.

finally. today hubby went to werk. oh yar. bn sumtym since i updated bout my luf life. i told dd dat i noe n dat its tym he get lost from my life. he kept on crying n begging me n saying n telling me how he's changed n stuff but nope, i stood my ground. i finally made my choice. i noe dat he's not e one for me n finally Allah has proven to me. so dis wkend, his mum is to call my mum up n call everything off. finally! so me nw wip irul oni lah. me hubby.

e both of us has made it so far nw n if anione's counting; its bn 8mths nw...4 more mths to a complete year! ders definitely more downs den ups in our relationship. and im still waiting for him to change himself. harapkan muker jek tk cukup ok?!? hehe. i noe he's gna read dat. i hope and pray dat Allah will finally settle me down wif him. no more changing around. too much trauma in my life. his family has been great. especially his aunts n uncles. ooh. n his cuzzin najib n galfren, lin, will b getting married dis year. 20.07.2007. best kan?!?! tapi hubby. kiter wait dulu jek k. asik gaduh jek kawin mampos nnt k. hekz. i reali hope dis tym round ure true to ur words about making dis chg in urself.

k 5 more mins to class. gota get ready. update more later.
(n yesh wanie. im trying to update every now n den. hehe.)

2007-04-04T13:50:00.000+08:00

its been 3 wks in sch now. yesh, still handling well. been the toughest 3 wks ive ever been thru as an art teacher thou. firstly, i was spotted for my dressing: too low-cut or too short or too 'one of them' as in not showing my authority which is kinda dumb. wat bout those other chinese teachers who wore sleeveless which sumtys portrayed their colorful bra straps?! or those others wearing shirts which showed off their belly buttons?! racist lah wat else. den i was spotted for my tongue stud WHICH i never wore in school. at 1st i kept forgetting to get it out weneva i get to sch in e mornings, but i always take it out before lesson starts. now i take it out BEFORE i reach school. den i was chided for being 'too firendly' to the kids, which was kinda stupid. haixx. den i was spotted for my lesson plan note book coz i kinda decorated wif my forte and trademark of bikini gals in maxim. i mean dats my personal stuff man! so i had to change my notebook and throw out e old one. my sec 1 technical kids are still up to mischieves but my rapport wif dem are much better now. i talked to some of the kids der and it turns out dat dey are quite ok. not e veri notorios bunch dat i made dem out to be. instead, in dis sch its those smarties in e express classes dat i resent. maybe becoz of e way i think dat teachers here juz dun get. i dun believe in express kids are e best or watsoeva. humanely, i tink technical n academic kids are way much more better den those stucked-up express kids. express kids dun listen to u. especially during art lessons. and here i am trying my best making e lessons as interetsing as i can but not appreciated. attitudal irritating bunch of stuck up kids.

hakz. but in all. im stil holding on. wish me luck.
crossing my fingers.

2007-03-23T22:48:00.000+08:00

finally sum tym to myslf to update ma blog. so far sch sux. yep. sec school kids sux. dey refuse to do art. complains all period round. and art onli starts after sch which is 2.30pm and ends at 5.30. so practically im soooooooooooooooooooo free in e morning. haiix. cant sleep in sch so gotta pretend dat im bz wif nothing. all my shoes are not doing anything for my feet. by e end of e day, my feet aches lyk hell. if dey culd talk, dey wuld scream. heehee. all my students are chinese coz i got hold of most express classes and graduating classes. thank god i haf some mandarin backgrd so no one can talk behind me. some kids are alright, while some are juz plain rebellious. i reali nid new tactics to get dem interested in art. haiix.....

my desk is juz a big table shred by 6 other trainees. so desk is a big mess. e teachers kip giving me books, but dey nvr tell me how to actuali run e class.

today had 1 technical class in sec 1. which was horrible. dey brought matches to school and lit it up during my lesson. dey were so hyperactive dat i culdnt make dem sit and do their work. haiix. i dread their class next week.

so. my tattoos are recovering. and dey are fading. and itching lyk hell. so every single day is a scratching day for me thou ive bn warned by several people not to. hehe. hope it wuld stop itching soon so i can reali see e difference of it all. maybe i wuldnt nid 5 more. culd be less. crossing my fingers.

2007-03-16T19:30:00.000+08:00

gosh. its friday today. came and going soon. my sleeping hours are stil not stablized yet..dead lah. 2 more days to go.

so yesterday. bought 3 more angelfishes to replace dad's dead ones. bought dem a home to play hide-and-seek to. haf yet to place it in coz e angelfishes are quite "fierce", as e fish-seller says. so waiting for irul to help me. will udate pix as soon as e house is placed in.

niwaes. started e day by waking up, bathing...etc.etc. den mum brought me to dr.sidek's clinic for removal of my tattoos. yep. i took e 1st step of removing e tattoos on both my arms today, and whoooooooo-booooooooiiiiiiiii...it hurts a whole damn lot!!! dey are still stinging me as im typing dis, so dis entry gona be quite short. well. yar. so dats about it. i haf about another 5-6 more to go. damn. im dreading to tink about e other tattos on my body. uuurrrgghh. wen i did e ones on my arms, it didnt hurt at all.

i refuse to imagine e pain i will feel wen i remove e otha tattoos on my otha parts of my body..god. help me.

2007-03-13T17:11:00.000+08:00

irul juz left for home after we redecorated my fish tank. (thank u dear.) god. its been awhile since i wana go and do juz dat. so juz now in e noon, we went out. bought some sand and leaves for e tank. and i bought another 10 small neon fishes. hehe. i promise: no more unknown chemicals. so my end result.....

the one wif e only survivor of e angelfish clan.
aka the one with the new-look fish tank.

the one wif e new leaves deco.

the one wif e neon fishes.

the one wif all e big fishes.

the one with the humongous suckerfish.

im so proud. finally. some changes to e tank so dat e fishes can swim around and play. wanted to get a few more stuff as well but am financially strapped. e next most important thing on e list is to get a new filter. nicer looking and smaller so dat it doesnt hog e whole of e opening of e tank. n get corals for dem to play hide and seek. tee-hee. (even tho i tink its gona b abit cramped, but oh well. its worth trying.) and of cos to get more fishes. get dem more friends to play wif. hope it doesnt get too overcrowded. hehe.

ok on to serious stuff.

den. on last sat evening. i found out smting by sumone i known as a fren from e past. more to say he was once dd's fren. he told me stuff dat maybe was meant to be a secret or wateva. or maybe was never to beknown to any others 'cept those who haf known.

aniwaes. on 09.09.06, apparently dd was engaged to effa, e gal whom he left me for. i heard rumours bout it but never taken it seriously. but it happened. i even got a confirmation from effa herself. and being dd, he also hasnt broken off e engagement properly. dey broke up in october. but not officially. knowing both his parents wun help him on dis, he seeked help from his neighbours as his wakil. he even made up stories bout me to her family, saying dat his family doesnt like me n such, so as to convince dem dat we're reali over. idiot.

e ting is, we believed dat he was under her spell, so i duno if dis was under e influenced of it or not. but one ting's for sure, i never am gona believe another word dat comes out of his mouth. enuf of him making me play e fool. dis has gone far too much for me to handle. to get her pregnant and an abortion before was bad enuf, but to haf all dis prove infront of my eyes is worse.

i talked to effa into giving me her engagement pix as prove of e event dat has taken place. to anybody, it culd be effa getting engaged to anyone else coz e guy wasnt der. but i noe it was him. der were his racing team friends der. n thou ive never seen dis neighbour of his, but wateva.

yet e onli ting dat reali convinced me dat its him was e cubic picture frame used to hold e hantaran money. bcoz he used e same for mine.

dats hers n mine on different dates but same frame, same amount.
dis was mine on 1st jan 06.

the neighbour who supposedly took care of him wen he was little.
bullshit.

the wakil n family.

the invited. c e gal in white n e guy next to e rite?
yar. both from attitude racing team.

the peepz and wakil coming over to e gals house wif e hantarans.
finally e hantarans.

i thot i was strong enuf to handle dis. wen i heard it from dem, i culd still swallow it all. but after looking at dis pix, and mine, it juz hurts so much. from e veri core of my hart. i culd fill my old wounds becoming undone and pain shoots thru me lyk anything.

it kills me dat after only being wif her for 4 short months, dey got engaged. it hurts me dat she's worth as much as me. its sickening dat i dun even noe it had happened. its disappointing to noe dat he turned out to be such a huge bastard.

all dis while, him talking bout patching up, crying his eyes out, but yet...
i used to say "u onli gt engaged once", but in his case? its 2 in a year. im juz so farking disappointed wif him. reali. reali.
now, im juz waiting for e rite mo 2 break dis 2 my parents and make him leave me. dis is definitely not my prob animore. dis is far too much for me to handle. nothing culd justify wat he did. if he culd b engaged to 2 gals at 1 tym, marrying 4 wun b much of a prob rite?

dats it. no more am i letting him step on me. he's carrying dis far too much now. hopefully dis tym round, Allah wil help me in getting me out of dis farked-up relationship.
ya Allah, please let me be strong in dis phase, n in handling all barriers dat you haf set for me. amin.

2007-03-12T20:51:00.000+08:00

ok. a wk more 1 go. excited. nervous. all in one. ok. stay calm. mum refuses to send me to school or lend me e car coz i start way earlier den her n she's forcing me to take e public transport. uurrrggghhh. buses are damn cold in e morning. hate it. now clothes is another problem. i dun haf anything 2 wear to school!!! well. maybe i do for e 1st week, but e week after dat? n e next? god. its hard work coordinating clothes. if i'd known i'd become a teacher 1 day i wuldnt haf had all dis body art on me. (im not regretting anything. im juz saying.) haix. maybe i'll start thinking bout all dis on wed, and ders shoes to think about. god.
help me.

2007-03-09T17:22:00.000+08:00

did meaningful stuff yesterday. woke up early. vacuumed house n rooms. changed bedsheets and living room cushions. rearranged dining table n sofa. cleaned e fish tank. wif e help of irul.

u wuld tink e fishes wuld be hepi to be in a clean environment, clean water everything. but instead, one by one decided to leave me!!! ade kepatut?!? 1st, e 20 neon fishes. and den e baby sucker fish. den today 2 of daddy's angelfish left. aiyoh. duno how to be grateful la dis fishes. ok i admit. a teeny wee bit of my fault coz i mixed in chemicals to e clean water, but it stated der "TO CURE FISHES OF......"..so i thot y not?!? how am i to noe dat dis wuld happen to dem?? dad is sooooooooooooo going to kill me. so basically, my fish tank is now quite empty, left wif only 3 discus n 1 angelfish; filter pump; n sm stones. so e super botak. thot of buying sum more juz now in e afternoon but got tired and sleepy. furthermore irul also hegey2 so naik malas lah.

takpe. bsk go out wip mum n dad den ask dem get proper deco for e fish tank and more fishes.
hopefully, e discuses wun die.......

2007-03-08T21:05:00.000+08:00

eversince i got accepted into the diploma in art education program by NIE, my parents haf been nothing but a nag. i noe i look nothing lyk a teacher but culd u at least pretend to be hepi for me?!? aiyoh. wen i got e letter, mum was lyk, "ah ok." dad absolutely said nothing. e F more worse, "ok lor go try it out." hell-o!! its a biga deal for me aites??!? e oni people so enthusiastic for me were irul, najib, lin n nana. irul was e craziest, as always. n i noe he is genuinely hepi for me. *thank u*

so today e mail came in n i found out were i got posted to. nan chiau high sch. again. mom; no reaction. irul, "i noe dat place! loadsa chinese, few malays...etc,etc!!"same goes for nana. haiyoh. other people is so hepi for me yet mom n dad sees me invisible. even if dey r proud me, dey aint veri gd at showing it. i tink. takperlah. da biaser pon.

so ok. 10 more days to school. muz be boring. mostly chinese. i bet most are girls. ok lah. at least i cant use my profound vocab of vulgarity in malay. hehe.

now. e F took leave tomorrow, asking me to go on a holiday wif him. he's gone missing since last thurs, and suddenly he expects me to be ready to go? so typically him. told him to get permission from my mum. i tink mum said no. niwaes, not impt. dun tink i can go also. as if mum wuld let me be alone wif him in a foreign country. kee-hee-hee.

so now in dis 10 days i gotta rearrange my sleeping habits so dat im good and ready on 19th. im so excited n yet so e super nervous at the same tym. takper la. asalkan gaji masuk ok lah tu. bingit jek kering slalu. hekz.

2007-03-05T18:00:00.000+08:00

so irul's sis is safely married now. pix galore now.

the one wif the deco in e bride's rm.

the one wif e milk-time bridesmaid.

the one wif e smallest couple.

the one wif the phototaking.

the one wif the face.

den comes us....eksen married lah pulak..

hehe.so dats it for e weekend...

2007-03-01T10:11:00.000+08:00

its early thurs morning n im up, blogging. its been quite sumtyms since i slept alone, considering e fact dat ive bn hiding irul in ma bedroom for e past 2-3 days. hehe. maybe e fact his warmth is not tucking me to bed rite now also adds to e fact dat i cant go back to sleep. yesh. i mish having sumone snuggle me to sleep. e F is so out of it now coz now i reali noe dat we dun fit.

wana change ma blogskin later. getting bored wif dis oreadi. yesh. ive got too much tym to waste now. hehe. ok, ok. countdown timer says 17 more days!!! im so excited. but i aint got clothes to wear. haix. will think bout dat next week i think.

ive became a reruns-of-tv-sitcom-friends addict now. been downloading e shows to fill up my spare tym. i hate watching e last episode coz it makes me cry thou its wonderful dat rachel n ross got back together. watching e earlier episodes of fun n wacky-ness of wach character makes u wonder why dey even gota end e show. well. despite e fact dat each one is getting on years. e set has been around for 10 good years!

its wonderful and marvellous how their friendship grows and grows..thruout. i used to haf a group of frenz lyk dat. me. irul. nana. khairil. lynn. najib. see? enuf of us to be a character of friends. but till 2day ive yet managed to see who's who. but dat didnt matter anymore. coz we're now living in our own world. we're left wif pairs now. if onli. if onli i could be in a frindship group lyk dat...i wonder.

2007-03-01T01:50:00.000+08:00

looks yummy hurh?!?

hekz. had dinner at sakura dwntwn east wif mum n her colleagues. costed about 30 bux each person. but. woah. worth it man. shulda go check it out peepz. but meanwhile. enjoy dis yummy-licious pixs. hehe.

den. while browsing thru ma dahlinks, im beginning to mish ma lil peeps of nafa. ders crazy gegerl. wacky wanie n gang. 1 day i'll grow old n who noes who still remembers who. its weird how u guys once walked in my life yet it all now seems so far away. n not forgetting wanie's cuzzin, tik, whom ive known practically thru my puberty years. i wonder wat e hell am i doing wif ma life!! is it me forgetting dem or juz dat ive become a touch n go in their lives? e onli fren dat i seem to haf lifelong is nana, who currently is so busy snogging khairil, seems to haf forgotten me. (hehe!) i mean. everyone is busy wif their own lives rite? but it juz seems weird dat once upon a tym we see each other almost every single day and now its juz a hi n bye?? e onli ones whom i see hangs ard me now is irul. irul. and irul. even i seldom see kenit animore!!!gosh.

i nid a new life. a revamp on my fren list.

do u wana b my lifelong fren, i wonder?

2007-02-20T16:47:00.000+08:00

the one at the east coast burger king part1

the one at the east coast burger king part2

the one wif the reds

the one wif the greens

the one wif the whites

the one wif adek lynn

the one wif the monkey face

the one wif the cuzzies

heii. drove down to town. went to e cineleisure wif dem yesterday.
caught e midnight show.

quite good. anyone thingking bout going should go. niwaes e fun part is wer e 7 of us gt together for an outing lyk dis. it seldoms happens coz their parents dun lyk dem going out wif me.dis has been much fun n we'll do it again sumtym.

irul also came down to watch e movie wif us, which he forgot 2 leave his farking attitude home. so yar. we ended up fighting infront of my cuzzies. dey used to lyk him but now im not so sure. well. i noe i dun.

2007-02-16T20:41:00.000+08:00

its friday nite. here i am at home wif simply nothing to do 'cept watching my lappy watching me. haix. e F asked me out later to go to his fren's bdae party. dun wana go. crappy idiot. on vday, we continued our outing at nte to watch a movie. whilst eating, his ex galfren text him, while i happened to hold his phone. gods' will. she happened to reply to his vday msg. aaawwww. isnt dat marvellous. here i am in front of him, listening to his cries and pleads to get back together n yet behind me he's still dat same old idiot. a leopard will never chg its spot ey? he's been crying an awful lot after we got back together. crocs tears. now i realize hw irritating i was wen i did it 2 yrs back. tee-hee.

so now he's trying to persuade me to go out wif him, but den again if i juz follow e flow, wun i b e one losing out in e end? wuldnt i b e one who got hurt while trying to spare his feelings? wat bout mine?? so punishment: wun c him for a week. n i bet u he wuld haf sumone new to replace me by den. haiixx. llife is already so hard. why let people lyk dis make it even more difficult??

movie review. went to watch 'Juz follow law', a film directed by Jack Neo. Ok lah, spore style jokes here n der. its about an executive, Fann Wong n technician, Gurmit Singh, whose souls were switched in a car accident. so all hell break loose wen dey tried to live in each other's bodies. dis film is produced to show sporeans dat der r tyms wen u nid to break e law to survive.
but den again, which sporean reali, reali, reali followed e law?? ders juz 2 many 2 follow!

finally off my 1-yr probation. no more p plate for me!! hahakz. still havent had e chance to drive wo e p plate yet, but hopefully will do soon.

my countdown timer says ders 31 more days of sitting at home doing nothing 'cept sleep before i enrol into my sch. thank god. im bored stiff at home wif nothing to do n no income to spend. hopefully e days will zoom by.

2007-02-14T21:52:00.000+08:00

hepi valentines' day my beautiful bloggers!!!
hope u all had a wonderful day today, well-spent wip ur loved ones.
my day started out wif accompanying F to e hospy for his physiotheraphy, den followed by a fight outside e hospy towards tampines mall. den we had lunch at genki sushi, wer he insisted on spoiling my day. den after which he sent me home to continue e silly lil arguement. aiyoh. den met e BF at west plaza, teman him eat his dinner. den we srgued abit bout me gg out wif e F and not being able to spend special moments wif him. haiix... who wuld haf thot having 2 wuld be so much troublesome??? niwaes. hope ur vday was much better den mine.

2007-02-08T15:03:00.000+08:00

my youngest aunt called me yesterday to gossip bout her niece who is my cuzzin, who got married lyk 2 yrs ago, i tink. her marriage was kinda lyk spur of e moment coz no one knw she was even dating. so yar. she got maried. n gez wat? she's onli my sis age which is 20 dis yr. so e interesting part bout dis whole scam is dat while e news of her marriage broke out, we also learnt she suddenly had a lil bro. hakz. ironic rite. i noe. so den n der we decided to kip shut bout it even thou suspicions rose amongst e relatives coz e 'lil bro' looked exactly lyk her husband! to which her mum replied dat while she was carrying him in e tummy, she was always mad at my cuzzins boifren for god-noes-wat reasons.

so yar my cuzzin's married now but has yet to live with her lawfully-wedded husband. n my yougest aunt being e makcik kpo she is went to snoop around for dis lil boy's particulars n found out dat my cuzzin was actuali e birth mother! its not dat we duno or anyting but we juz nided a confirmation rite? so yar. we found out at least n we're wondering how long more can e boy call his mum "big sis" n his granny "mum". wat sum people do to save their arses.

n e stupidiest thing is i did ask my cuzzin on e day she got married, y e sudden rush? to which e mum replied dey didnt want to invite more maksiat which is kinda stupid coz my cuzzin aint even staying wif e hubby!! nak tipu ngan si penipu, mcm mane nak lepas?!?

not dat im joycing over dis, but since uve done it n am trying to correct it, y let e poor boy suffer n be confused all his life?

wonder how long more can dey kip dis up. i pit my uncle who's been like a bull pulled by e nose, juz following wateva his wife says. dumb man. muz be e one wearing e skirt in e fam. haixx.

niwaes did sumthing nice for daddy today. lent him 1 of e many helmets lying around in my bedroom for him to wear to go to work in e morning. being e artist he is, his old one has been redecorated by his stickers of dunno wat. veri abstract. veri noticable. but has no visor. so, me being e onli daughter left in dis house, lent him mine. which is appropriately black and has a visor. left him a note on e table e nite before telling him to wear it n take safety precautions. and im filing on cloud 9 dat he did. we seldom talk n mit at home, so lil' gestures counts ok?

still stuck at home waiting for schedule from LABW. im left wif a month before i get posted to my sec sch. cant wait to teach again.

of all e dreams and ambitions i had, being a teacher was never one of dem. but im glad dat i actuali am given dis chance, despite me being me and e notorious outlook i haf. praying hard god wun take e onli thing dat seems to go rite in my life away from me.

2007-01-31T01:00:00.000+08:00

its 1.03am, start of a wednesday morning. here i am blogging, waiting for e BF to come n sleepover. (mind u, BF n FIANCEE are 2 DIFF people. hekz.) niwaes. he's been sleeping over since sun so im getting used to his warmth by my side every nite. im confused. very. i duno who to pick now. juz a week ago i let go of both of dem, yet now im back to square 1 which suxd so much. haixx.

cooked a dish today for dinner. udang lemak chili padi. too spicy for dad's throat. hehe. poor BF helped me to clean e hse but didnt get 2 taste my cooking. but nemind. ders still sum leftovers in e kitch.

still bored sitting at home, waiting for schedule to come out from LABW. dey had been quiet for january, so hopefully der r classes for me in feb, will be starting to teach in a secondary school soon in march. hopefully, nothing cocks up.

e FIANCEE has been talking bout marriage plans wif me. getting a house (we're getting a condo!) n stuff. if i agree, we'll be married in november. even to dis point im still confused. i duno if dis is e step i shuld take. but den again since im so unsure, i shuldnt b going thru it at all rite? haixx. e F juz wuldnt take it dat i wana leave him, dis relationship. but juz thinking of how good life wuld be juz makes me wana stay on. i noe, im materialistic.

i dun wana break e BF's hart too. more den anything, e BF is always on my mind wenever im out wif e F. its hard. i duno which is e rite path 2 choose. happiness or stability?

2007-01-24T19:31:00.000+08:00

wei wei...
after 2 days stayin over at sis' place..reali dun fil lyk coming back home..
haixx...her house is so e gerek..
been chillin' n swimmin for e past 2 days ive been der..
been trying to persuade mom to sell dis house n move into a condo
but she wuldnt budge..haix..boriing...
1 day i will make her move der..hehe
niwaes..
dd bought me a new hp last week-k800i..shiok dok
funny..its so ex yet he still got if for me..
haix at tyms i reali am confused..i tink he's doing dis to rekindled dis relationship..
im in a mess..i reali duno how to handle all dis..
if onli he hadnt cheated on me, den i wuldnt haf left my cosy corner n our dreams to be together till e end..
if onli he hadnt had e hart to do dis to me..
i wuldnt be e way i am now..
help!!

2007-01-20T23:46:00.000+08:00

3 YEARS AGO

What grade were you in?
-1st year in nafa...

Where did you go to school?
-nanyang academy of fine arts...

Where did you work?
-used to be tampines mall pizza hut....

Where did u lived?
-pasir ris...

How was your hair style?
-long and always straight....

Did you wear braces?:
-no.never...

Who was your celebrity crush?
-hhmmm....ntah eh

How many piercings did you have?
-7...

what was your biggest fear?
-being hurt...

Had you smoked a cigarette yet?
-yep...

Had you gotten drunk/high yet?:
-always...

Had you been to a party yet?
-yep...

Had your heart broken?
-yep...

Had broken someones heart?
-yep...

NOW

how old are you?
-21...

Where do you go to school?
-im a teacher now...

Where do you work?
-lil art bug workshop...

Where do you live?
-pasir ris...

How is your hair style?
-short now...

Do you have braces?
-no.never...

Do you wear glasses?
-no...

Still talk to any of your old friends?
-sum....

How many piercings did you have?
-9...

How many tattoos?
-6...

biggest fear?
-still getting my hart broken...

Have you smoked a cigarette yet?
-of coz...

Have you gotten drunk or high?
-always....

Have you been to a party?
-not yet...

Has your heart been broken?
-yep...

Have you broken someones heart?
-yep...

2007-01-14T18:28:00.000+08:00

pix from new year. without dis peepz of mine,
e start of new year wuld haf sux'd so much...

my get-up for new year...

me n nana at rouge...

kissed by him...

lynNajib in white..

irulsha..

ders always a couple who wuld fite..

e 3 bujang lapokzzz...

juz e 4 of us...

still e 4 of us...

eating at geylang...

tangkap hensem...

cam whores...

nga makan pon leh posing..

da kenyang arh aru posing...

new year, new couple..

her sweetest sin...

wats wif e face?

n yesh even tho it marks a year of my engagement to hadidi faizal, yet again he broke my hart n left me to celebrate e stroke of midnight on my own. therefore, if it wasnt for me peepz, dis new year wuld haf suxd so much. thanx guys. hartx y'all.

2007-01-14T01:14:00.000+08:00

1st survey of e year. been a long tym since i last did dis...

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
>>wen r all dis scars leaving me?!?

2. How much cash do you have on you?
>>not much.

3. What's a word that rhymes with "DOOR?"
>>more.

4. Favorite planet?
>>earth.

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed called list?
>>dat wuld b kenit.

6. What is your favorite ring on yourphone
>>real love remixed by me baybie anwar.

7. What shirt are you wearing?
>>not wearing shirt, juz ma red bra.

8. Do you "label" yourself?
>>frozen tears.

9. Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing?
>>i dun wear shoes. i wear slippes from heatwave.

10. Bright or Dark Room?
>>bright.

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
>>sad to say i duno her.

12. What did you ate 10 minutes ago?
>>nothing. juz drank soya bean milk.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
>>talking to baybie anwar.

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
>>"let me noe lah" from ain who wants to borrow my lappy

15. Where is your nearest 7-11?
>>west plaza.

16. What's a word that you say a lot?
>>cibei.

17. Who was the last person who said i love you to you?
>>baybie anwar.

18. What was the last furry thing you touch
>>my tavelling tigger bear. cant leave home without him.

19. How long since u had drugs?
>>i wun b stupiid enuf to answer dis.

20. How many rolls of film do you need to be developed?
>>oy. we use digi cam now.

21. Favorite age you have been so far?
>>none actuali.

Your worst enemy?
>>bitches who cnt find their own man.

23. What is your current desktop picture?
>>my transformed eyes.

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
>>ok bye.

25. What's happening exactly the week after this?
>>not sure yet.

26. What's the last thing you've drawn on paper?
>>aint doing any drawings yet.

27. Do you have xanga or livejournal?
>>nahh.

28. What states have you been to?in america?
>>never been.

29. Would you move to any of those?
>>if its safe enuf.

30. Last time you saw an attractiveperson of the opposite sex?
>>im surrounded by dem. hehe.

2007-01-09T15:05:00.000+08:00

slept over sis place last sat....took pix of her home at hillview heights. power dok. biler lah aku nk dpt laki kaya mcm dia???

from e entrance...

study table...

sis doing werk..

living room...

dining room...

part of e kitchen...

main toilet...

e toilet...

toilet bowl...

guest bedroom..

sis's walk in wardrobe...

sis bedroom...

sis bed..

sis toilet...

best kan umah dia???

2006-12-31T10:48:00.000+08:00

today is e last day of 2006..and yesh people slamat hari raya haji 2u guys 2...
niwaes. new year. hmph. duno wer, wif who, wat wuld i b doing to celebrate dis new beginning. i hope it wuld b sumtg new.

oh well. sumtg good oreadi happened. gez wat? i got accepted into NIE's dip in art education!!! im now an untrained teacher, starting in march. goodness. i cant wait. dis is lyk a miracle, a drim come true. and as ive promised, i will now officially quit my nite job. (coz dats wat i promised Allah if i get thru e interviews!!!) now i haf to be on my best behaviour as im on contract for about 1-1 1/2 yr before they'll decide to bond me wif NIE for 3yrs and make me a full-pledged teacher. wooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wish me luck guys. [winkz :P]